What a disappointment. The first episode of "Armed and Famous" aired on CBS last night. Apparently the show is more about them being on the streets than going through the academy. They were graduating 30 minutes into the thing!

Plus, they really abbreviated the academy. Maybe it's a shorter academy, and I'm sure they didn't show everything they did, but geez. All they showed was vehicle pullovers, where we learned Latoya Jackson is trigger-happy, the range, where we learned Latoya is also a terrible shot, an  excellent combination, and the group getting tasered.

Now, I understand spending so much time on the taser. We've established that it's pretty compelling video. But they didn't show ANY physical fitness stuff at all. They did fight the red-man, but no running, no push-ups, nothing. I'll admit I was distracted. I was trying to bake lasagna and the smoke alarm kept going off during the first half of the show, but my friends who were watching with me said they didn't see any either. I know they did some testing, because I read somewhere that Latoya failed it. The lasagna, by the way, turned out great.

Obviously Latoya would fail the physical stuff. My friends and I agreed that she was by far the most lame celebrity, not that there was ever any doubt she would be. When she went to dinner at one of those restaurants where you drop peanut shells on the ground, she demanded they make a table cloth out of napkins and bring her a finger bowl. A finger bowl? Who do you think you're kidding, Latoya? You do not have enough money to be eating at those kinds of restaurants every night. You have seen the inside of more than one Carl's Jr., and we all know it.

The least lame celebrities were Jack Osbourne and Trish Stratus, despite Erik Estrada's claim that he had an advantage because he played a cop on TV for six years. Yeah, Ponch, because that's the same.

Speaking of "CHiPS," probably the funniest moment of the show was when Estrada arrested a 60-year-old toothless woman for drug possession, and she said, "I didn't want to meet you like this, Ponch." She then proceeded to gush/ heckle him all the way back to the station. It was great.

Osbourne was the best shot at the range, and seemed semi-believable when he responded to a domestic disturbance call. Well sure, it's familiar territory. His dad famously was arrested for choking his mom, and on the first season of "The Osbournes" the cops were called to his house because his mom threw at rotten ham at their neighbors.

Stratus was the star of the heart-warming part of the show, where she comforted a family who lost their home in a fire. It was sweet, although one of my friends pointed out that Stratus' strategy for comforting the husband of the family appeared to be rubbing her oversized breasts on him.

Jason Acuna, aka Wee-man from "Jackass," despite insisting he is taking this seriously, appeared to be doing no such thing. When the rest of the cast was washing their clothes, he was at a bar getting drunk. Cut to him pulling over a clearly intoxicated driver. This show is nothing if not ironic. Anyway, the driver tells Wee-man that he would never be a cop. Wee-man said he took the job help people. Really? Do you really want to help people Wee-man? Because I would guess you took the job to be on TV some more.

There's another episode on tonight. I already have plans, so I'm not going to watch it. Plus, if it continues to be aired on Thursday nights, I don't think I'll keep up with it. I already have a standing date with Steve Carell and all the folks at "The Office," which is so realistic and true to my life, it's a little depressing.

-- CS

Note: Wee-man's first name is Jason, not Juan, as I wrote in the original post. My bad.