That's it!! I remained silent through the first article. Now I have had it with Marylee Shrider trying to use ancient, old hat rhetoric and terms like "judicial tyranny" from the late '30's (*see article below) to shove her religious views down my throat! Yes, there's another Bakersfield.com article: Gay marriage ruling an act of "judicial tyranny" staring me in the face!
Why am I so incensed? Because I believe her religion is getting in the way of being up to date with the times, the truths and the facts. Take off the blinders woman! If you were born gay (and obviously many people near you are but you'll never know because you want to condemn, try to (lol) heal, and control them) would you want to not be allowed to marry, raise children and have as normal a life as anyone else? Do you actually think a person has a CHOICE to be...or not to be gay? Puhleeaase!
It's almost like you are saying, "here we let you freaks have the same things but no no no...you are not our equals" to gays and lesbians. Who EVER died and made YOU God or better yet, why is your omnipotent God and Religion the one to preside over all of the others?
(Psst~ don't you know that ALL religions are tied together in an intricate web?)
And who ARE you to tell ANYONE what God wants? Excuse me! Is your Religion the one which takes precedence over the Land Of The Free's RIGHTS? I think not! I think this sort of thing is all fine and good...IN PRIVATE! ... Not in our courts!
We have REAL CRIMES and CRIMINALS to deal with, POLLUTION, HATRED, WARS and young kids who have no food, medicine or care. I for one am not buying in to your religious conservative view here and truly believe your crusade is bunk....there are far more important issues.
Personally I believe these issues, along with other ones which we can not change (being gay or lesbian) should remain a choice available to each individual should be let alone, once judged (take a look below for some history please).
MaryLee, this is supposedly a FREE country where we have the freedom to practice whatever religion we like. What would happen if every religion tried to control the LAWS in our country, Hm?
Here is an interesting article about this, and similar things found in Reaason Mag :
In Defense of "Judicial Tyranny"
The religious right's court-unpacking scheme
Julian Sanchez | April 20, 2005
"The Court in addition to the proper use of its judicial functions has improperly set itself up as a third house of the Congress—a super-legislature, as one of the justices has called it—reading into the Constitution words and implications which are not there, and which were never intended to be there."
As proof, perhaps, that God is not without a sense of irony, that quotation has been issuing from the lips of religious conservatives who rail against what they call "judicial tyranny." It's been cited by the improbably named Rev. Rod Parsley and, at a recent conference devoted to "Confronting the Judicial War on Faith," Rick Scarborough of Vision America.
If Providence smiles upon the sentiment, provenance does not: It comes from one of Franklin Delano Roosevelt's fireside chats, in which he sought to justify his 1937 Court packing scheme. Roosevelt, recall, had pushed a series of ambitious federal programs in response to the Great Depression. But a recalcitrant Supreme Court, by margins of 5-4 and 6-3, kept insisting that Roosevelt's creative solutions be bounded by the constitutionally enumerated powers of Congress; that exercise of the power to "regulate Commerce...among the several States" actually involve commerce between states; that Congress not abrogate freedom of contract.
An arrogant judiciary, Roosevelt argued, was usurping legislative powers and thwarting the will of the people. And this was not, he averred, merely a question of differing jurisprudential philosophies or interpretations of contestable constitutional provisions. Rather, the Constitution was "an easy document to understand," and if the Court failed to recognize the General Welfare Clause as a grant of sweeping congressional power, then justices were simply ignoring the Constitution's plain meaning and substituting their "personal economic predilections" for the law of the land.
Though Roosevelt's proposed remedy to this judicial tyranny—adding a cohort of more forward-thinking young justices to counterbalance the geriatric rebels then on the bench—failed to pass, a chastened Court soon began to see things his way. Not only conservatives, but also some Democrats otherwise supportive of the New Deal, bristled at this presidential attempt to exercise what we might call the TNT option, escalating a substantive conflict over interpretation into all-out structural war on the separation of powers.
One might expect conservatives, for many of whom Roosevelt remains a bête noire, to be chary of borrowing pages from his playbook, as with the Constitutional Restoration Act, which seeks to strip courts of the jurisdiction to review government's "acknowledgement of God." Any judge who exceeded her jurisdiction under the law—say, by considering almost any plea for relief under the Establishment Clause—would be subject to impeachment.
To make sense of this strange appropriation of FDR, it's really necessary to watch the proceedings at the "War on Faith" conference held earlier this month and absorb the sheer quantity of bile spewed on the black robes. Michael Schwartz, chief of staff for Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.), told one reporter "I don't want to impeach judges. I want to impale them." Don Feder opined that the modern judiciary had abandoned the principles of the American Revolution for those of "the French Revolution, with its goddess of reason, with its reign of terror, and with its guillotine." Alan Keyes called the courts the primary "focus of evil in our society," comparing them to the Soviet Union. All this even on courts dominated —how sharper than a serpent's tooth—by Republican appointees!
Just a few days prior to the conference, Sen. John Cornyn (R-Tex.) had wondered "whether there may be some connection between the perception...judges are making political decisions yet are unaccountable to the public, that it builds up and builds up and builds up to the point where some people engage in, engage in violence. Certainly without any justification, but a concern that I have."
So intense is the conservative rage against the courts that some seem to want to revisit not just Roe v. Wade but Marbury v. Madison too. Family Research Council head Tony Perkins has claimed that judicial review was "never envisioned by the Founders." Tom DeLay told The Washington Times "The reason we had judicial review is because Congress didn't stop [the Court]."
It's true, of course, that the phrase "judicial review" doesn't appear in the Constitution. But even a cursory knowledge of the history of the founding makes it painfully clear that both opponents and supporters of the nascent Constitution took for granted that it would be part of the structure of the American system. The anti-federalist Brutus argued against the proposed Constitution in part on the grounds that the Supreme Court would be empowered to nullify laws "by adjudging that they are inconsistent with the constitution" and even "authorised in the last resort, to determine what is the extent of the powers of the Congress." Alexander Hamilton's defense, in "Federalist 78," was not to deny that judges would enjoy such a power of review, but to affirm:
A constitution is, in fact, and must be regarded by the judges, as a fundamental law. It must therefore belong to them to ascertain its meaning, as well as the meaning of any particular act proceeding from the legislative body. If there should happen to be an irreconcilable variance between the two, the Constitution ought to be preferred to the statute... [W]henever a particular statute contravenes the Constitution, it will be the duty of the judicial tribunals to adhere to the latter and disregard the former.
Hamilton saw that the judiciary was the branch of government least capable of tyrannizing. Its power, after all, is largely negative: It can void a law, halt governmental action, not (in most cases) initiate it. Liberty, Hamilton wrote, "can have nothing to fear from the judiciary alone, but would have every thing to fear from its union with either of the other departments... It is in continual jeopardy of being overpowered, awed, or influenced by its co-ordinate branches." Hamilton would probably not have derived much comfort from Rep. Lamar Smith's (R-Tex.) view that when "there are judges that are not so right-thinking, that's where Congress has to step in."
It is a novel concept of tyranny that allows it to comprise barriers to government action, though it does make sense if one conceives of liberty primarily in the guise of what Benjamin Constant called "the liberty of the ancients," the freedom to see one's will enacted through the political process. Since that has not traditionally been the sense in which conservatives intend the term, it's hard to see this recent spate of attacks on judges as more than a populism of convenience, a function of the belief (perhaps mistaken) that the public currently resents attempts to check those who now control the legislative and executive branches.
But religious conservatives familiar with Ecclesiastes should temper their enthusiasm for the dismantling of structural impediments to temporary majorities. Republicans may play the role of Caesar for now, but in politics especially, time and chance happeneth to them all.
END OF ARTICLE
Note: A Link to the actual article may be found by clicking Reaason Mag
Breathing out...I feel a lot lighter now!
Thanks for allowing me to say my piece Bakersfield.com
Sooz
June 1st Thanks For The Comments *Added Note*: WOW! Thanks EVERYONE Who Took A Minute To Comment!
I read what I wrote later and wondered why I was so incensed at Ms Schriders "Editorials". Upon great introspection I discovered it was not necessarily WHAT she was saying (even though I disagree with her), it was HOW she said it.
I agree, it is not up to us to judge anyone. I completely agree everyone should be allowed for their voice to be heard,...no matter how shaky it is, and furthermore if a lifestyle choice of someone else makes us nervous,...as long as they are not trying to camp in our house this too should be their right in our FREE country.
I also agree...much of living is a 2 way street. So friends why NOT take down the brick walls, build bridges,gardens, Bar B Ques, and walkways with them.
Keep On Living! Sooz
Click the Pic' for Santa Barbara Search
View of the Santa Barbara Wharf & Calm 'Poor Man's Anchorage'
It's been nearly a week since we drove over the Grape vine to Santa Paula then Santa Barbara for my daughter's Dad's church service right off of State Street and then the next day, a Memorial Service at Shoreline Park above the sea.
Saturday the temperatures there reached an all year high, so far and the location just above the water with a light marine air was absolutely PERFECT!
It was nice to hear all the speakers at my ex's memorial and I think it helped her a lot to hear good things about her Dad, his life and how he affected others. We've been apart since 1999 so the times she spent with him were only visits.
I managed to get the news station, KEYT out of S L O to cut us a copy of the video taken there so she looks forward to putting it with her collection of pictures, cards and memorabilia in memory of her Dad.
Friends came from as far away as Florida and Milford Connecticut, Indiana too. Overall I guess you could say it went well. We are taking it one day at a time knowing my daughter is still suffering grief.
Thsnkd for all the nice comments and personal messages. Sooz
We Lost A Special Person to the Sea
As the time draws near for my daughter & I to drive over to Santa Barbara for her Dad's funeral services, then Memorial the next day I strive to be the strong one, the uplifting the hopeful one.
My aim is to keep my daughter from slipping into a depression and keep it real now and especially while we spend two days in memory of her Dad. I intend to be the one offering hope, love and support. Mom is always right here for her these days, if she needs me.
Unless you lost your Dad at 15 and a half you probably wouldn't know how it must feel. I for one do not, but I do recall losing my Dad to aesbestos cancer at the age of 69. It was horrendous! Sadly one of my older brothers passed on the same day as he making it a double whammy!
Every situation is a little different. If you had experiences such as my daughters (see blog entries below) where your Dad passed on while you were young perhaps you could send them on to us. A helpful poem or prayer or a special link you think might help us....feel free to send it.
I have been by her side taking her to and picking her up from school every day. We also have 3 kinds of counseling which, even though may seem like we've gone overboard all added up only take a few hours a week. Every little bit helps.
Anxiety is building a little. This is the countdown ... 4 days till the church services.
We will be meeting with his family originally from Milford Connecticut who will have traveled quite a ways to get there, on Friday. We're staying in the same hotel, 1 block from the beach.
Even though there have been times after the divorce (in 2000) where they (his family from the East Coast) completely disagreed with my life decisions we have tried to remain in contact over the years for my daughters' sake.
The oldest daughter my ex sister in law, her Aunt, is the in-between who I talk on the phone with on a regular basis. Our communication over the years has meant quite a lot to me especially since she has concerns for my daughter who is now the only link now, between our two families.
I was going to wear a black pants suit , then decided upon just a black business blazer, but now have decided to just go with comfortable clothes and just try to look nice. Heck! What do people wear in Santa Barbara these days?
I have great difficulty looking at the actual water...the beach is certainly off limits because that is where her Dad left (this world) from. I used to just love walking the beach. Went there for sunrise and some sunsets too. Actually, it was a destination in ittself on many occasions
So, I trudge ahead hoping for the best with an open mind and hopes for remaining strong. I am told after this weekend is over is when the really hard part begins. At least that is what my older sister (who lost her oldest of 3 sons to a fraternity alcohol/drug OD accident) says. She said it all starts to sink in after the services, memorials and details are done when my daughter realizes she has lost even the option ov calling her Dad.
I too look at life in a different way now knowing God already has a plan for everyone and even though we do all we can to stay healthy, drive safely use a seat belt drink lots of water ... you know... sometime there is no understanding "why". It's just time to keep on keeping on and keep on living. Life is truly a blessing...every sunrise, and each sunset wherever we are, is a gift not to be taken lightly.
I am more thankful for the life, and love I have right now and appreciative of the smaller details I often used to overlook in daily life. I am more patient with the one(s) I love knowing hey, we don't always have to have a great day! Some days are just like that!
Also, face it we need people! It is OK to need others to lean on to cry with to grieve with and share these things in life. I found myself humming that song (this is a little sappy) "people...who need people, are the luckiest people...in the world".
Sooz
THANK YOU For All Your Kind Words Of Support
It has been 6 days since Edwin Platt ("Skip") slipped away into the sea. There has still been no sighting of him, or sign that he is alive.
His clothing of course was recovered from the beach, and the boat, The Sassy Traveller has also been recovered on a beach several hundred yards towards Carpinteria.
A slew of close friends, boat owners fishermen and Santa Barbara business people have asked if they could send contributions for his only child, our daughter, Lindsey Platt.
Along with the help of Skip's Mother, Betty Platt, who we refer to as "Grammy" we have set up a trust fund for Lindsey. It is easily accessable! Ideally all children who lost a parent would have caring people who plead to send something or give. We are thankful for your magnanimous response so far.
FYI It is simple to do. Just go online by typing in BofA and hitting Ctrl and Enter. There, if have a BofA account you will be able to Transfer to Lindsey Platt Trust Fund, Account # 898019721168 If you'd prefer, simply go to Bank of America and make sure to mention her name and the account number listed above.
A running club he belonged to in Santa Barbara called the Santa Barbara Hashers designed a memorial page on their website where you can learn more about "Skip" and leave a thought, comment or memory. They are a great group of people who truly loved Skip.
Anyway, here's a direct LINK to the Memorial Page:
http://www.h3sob.com/ScatMa...
So far the Memorial Services are planned for April 12th at 12:00 noon at Shoreline Park overlooking the Harbor in Santa Barbara CA.
As I get more information on memorials and/or services I will put it here.
Sooz
Update on Edwin (Skip) Platt's Vanishing
Video From Saturday March 15th Can Be Found At The Following URL
http://www.ksby.com/Global/...
March 19th UPDATE- Excellent Article from The Daily Sound
Found at the following URL
http://sbdailysound.blogspo...
Thank you so much everyone for the outpouring of stories support understanding and prayers. It means a lot to us all. When others show compassion, especially to a stranger as all of you have done here it helps give us hope that we can continue on and...live for the living after the shock of all this has subsided. Thank-you. Thank you so very much.
The SB County and Carpinteria CA Special Ops have been continuing their search weather permitting on a daily basis.
Also the many boat owners and captains of fishig boats are going every day to perform their independent searches. Some are equipped with undersea divers, special camera and fish finder equiptment which is state of the art.
A trust fund is being set up by the Santa barbara Fishermans association by a captain/boat owner at the SB harbor by a magnanimous woman named 'Mary Anne'.
For us this is particularly difficult because the family on the east coast in Connecticut and in Florida are somewhat stumped at how they can help- what to do next since there is no body.
The Platt family has a special graveyard section to ittself in Milford Connecticut, going back over 5 generations to the landing of the Mayflower which ultimately is where Skip wished to go. When all is revealed this will be his final resting place.
Around here we are pretty rattled and grief stricken beyond words at present.
Thank you so much for your prayers and God Bless!
Sooz
Two days ago my daughters Dad's fiancee called our home around 6:45 PM and said she has just made a 911 call to report My daughters Dad had vanished from her sight.
His boat had freed ittself from the mooring and was drifting down the coastline. Somewhere around Padero Lane, (a special place to me when I lived near there)...he got out of the car stripped down to his skivvies and went swimming after his boat.
The Sassy Traveller, his baby was found in matchstick-sized pieces down the beach a ways and sadly he never resurfaced.
Not only his family in Connecticut, and Florida but we here in Bakersfield are devastated.
His friends, other fishhing boat owners and fishing buddies are performing their own searches, independent of search and rescue of Santa Barbara county, and are offering lots of support.
His sunny disposition, Hollywood smile and willingness to help anyone at any time is already vastly missed. The search will continue, but chances that he did not make it are pretty strong.
Sent to me by a friend in Kentucky
Only in Alaska.......
This guy raised an abandoned moose calf with his horses, and believe it or not,
he has trained it for lumber removal and other hauling tasks.
Given the 2,000
pounds of robust muscle, and the splayed, grippy hooves, he claims it is the
best work animal he has.
He says the secret to keeping the moose around is a
sweet salt lick, although during the rut he disappears for a couple of weeks,
but always comes home.... impressive if you ask me.
I love stories like this where the animal is treated humanely and has the freedom to live it's natural life (as a 'moose' ) in the wild.
Location:
Olive Drive & Mohawk Street,
Bakersfield, CA
We sat in our living room glued to the couches as the Neal Young Prairie Wind concert, filmed in Nashville played out.
All memories of the 1970's when I bought the Heart Of Gold 'record' and played it while warming up before swim practice, or on the weekends returned abruptly.
Not just that but this particular era of my life was so entirely optomistic. I believed there were no boundaries to what a person can do in life. Even though I was 15 years old I had moved out and into a family friends home so pretty much responsible for my own actions.
Unlike other kids my age I worked and paid rent and was ultimately the only one responsible if I were to make mistakes. I recall only one swim meet where any members of my large family (6 kids, 2 parents and even a step Dad) came, and it was actually my Mom & Dad, after they had been divorced! In reality, they were getting on with their lives and sort of left me in the dust. For instance, nobody knew I was still slallom skiing, building macrame art, doing and teaching yoga, taking karate, and driving a 1960 VW ...except maybe the landlady. Basically I was all alone...except for my job, hobbies and the music.
Watching Young perform the realization that we're not getting any younger came over me like a wave. All the years came rushing back, like a wave...
What happened to the 30+ years since I first went to a Neal Young concert and actually listened to his music? What had I done about my dreams and how much do I still believe in them is the more pertinent question. Am I following what I know by continuing to build new dreams and looking to the future in a positive way?
I guess, through Young's words rhymes and tunes this day I drifted into a time zone known only to me the loneliness and struggle, beauty, awe, strength and glory when even a small achievment meant a lot.
Neal Young's music in particular helped me get through the tumultuous times of a teenager who wanted to do it all, well, and already felt time passing by much too quickly.
It was calming, dark, light-hearted and showed a deep human side to the whole rock and roll 'revolution' that I had an attraction to. It had heart for sure. It reassured me that we're all needy, all can be insecure and wanting and it is OK to see the downfalls of those around you...if you don't let them take you with them.
The other music I was listening to recurred as well. Landlady's son was in numerous rock bands (I wont mention the names here) so we always had live music in the house. But my record player heard everyone from the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Kenny Rankin, Rachael Nero, the Fish, The Fugs, Motorcycle Madness ... to the Greatful Dead.
But I think I still like Young the best, especially now that he has shown he's still Rocking in the Free World.
I read newspapers from the places I have lived and those where my family and friends reside...and others on a continual basis.
As I browsed the Port Townsend Leader, a paper my parents have on their kitchen table regularly, this article caught my eye.
In disbelief, I couldn't help imagining this couple, driving along the winding tree-lined highway by Sequim Washington, a road I have personally driven many times...and how odd this experience must have been.
Who'd a thought it that her knitting needle would explode?
Here's a copy of the article, just for fun.
Paula Lalish's knitting needle exploded Aug. 1 as she was knitting while being driven to Marrowstone Island from Port Angeles. – Photo by Reuben Lalish
Paula Lalish, a longtime Marrowstone Island resident returning home from Port Angeles on Aug. 1 in her Ford Aerostar, was quietly knitting a sweater alongside her husband, Greg, as he drove. Suddenly, a sound as loud as a gunshot rang out inside the car.
At first Paula and Greg thought they had been shot at by a sniper, a knee-jerk response “simply because we could find no other instantaneous way to relate to the combination of deafening report and physical injury,” Paula said.
Then they thought they’d been hit by a stray elk-hunter’s bullet. But it's not hunting season.
Other people have since proposed that it was terrorists or “space aliens” who were responsible for the explosion that made Paula and Greg’s ears ring alarmingly for hours afterward.
But it was weirder than either terrorists, snipers or elk hunters on the loose. Paula’s knitting needle had exploded.
Most of the time, when Greg drives, Paula knits; she’s been knitting during car trips for 35 years. “I knit fast,” she said. So, as usual, she was working fast, her fingers flying as the car sped down the highway. This time she was working with a skein of undyed wool on a big fat number 13 circular needle, the kind with a metal point on each end connected by a plastic cable.
After the explosion, Paula and Greg watched the end of her left index finger turn blue and begin to swell. Both Paula and Greg are emergency responders for the Marrowstone Volunteer Fire Department, part of Fire District 1. “We knew my finger had tissue trauma and needed to be iced and elevated immediately," said Paula.
Just outside of Sequim’s Costco when the explosion occurred, they swerved in for ice. Paula is a harpist, and “my hands are awfully important to me,” she said. Greg and Paula, her finger iced and pointed skyward, searched their car.
No shrapnel had flown, but as they looked for an explanation, Paula discovered that one of her knitting needles was badly misshapen and the metal peeled back. It appeared that what flew out of the needle with such an explosive noise was air under pressure. On closer inspection there appeared to be a white-gray powder inside the needle, presumably a byproduct of the manufacturing process.
As soon as they returned home, Paula said, “I rummaged for a bottle and had a couple of stiff shots and went to bed for an hour.
“It wasn’t funny for a whole day, and then we started joking around."
There were no marks identifying the needle's brand. Paula thinks she might have purchased it in a thrift store.
Paula got on the Internet and called up knitters' chat rooms, posting a photograph of the damaged needle and asking knitters to help her identify the needle, asking if any knitters had a similar experience and if they might know the cause of the explosion.
Meanwhile she was looking at her other metal knitting needles as if they were bombs ready to detonate. She also replaced her exploded needle with a number 13 all-plastic version.
News travels fast on the World Wide Web, far faster than Paula can knit a scarf. Among the more interesting replies was one from the British manufacturer of a knitting needle similar to Paula’s who denied that his company was the maker of the exploding needle. And then there were these two comments:
“The cause of your exploding knitting needle was probably a buildup of static electricity resulting from friction of two diverse materials, i.e., plastic and aluminum, exacerbated by the generation of yet more static by the vehicle (the cause of most travel sickness and the reason why many vehicles have an earth strip connecting the rear of the vehicle with the ground). This explanation comes from a former quality control engineer, toolmaker and steel worker, Sheffield, England."
And this:
“My name is Monika and I post as 'mokey' on www.knittersreview.com, where I found the following link, containing your name: http://www.surfshopcomputer...
"This has now started some speculation as to whether or not this is an urban legend: http://www.knittersreview.c... Could you please confirm if this really did happen to you? Many knitters want to know. Monika”
“I have a sinking feeling I’m going to end up in the National Enquirer,” groaned a droll Paula, “After all these years of community service, what I’ll be famous for is my exploding knitting needle.”
This article was obtained online for entertainment purposes only by Susan Allen from the PtLeader- http://www.ptleader.com/pri...
(Jan Halliday is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous magazines. She's also the author of "Native Peoples of the Northwest: A Travelers Guide to Land, Art and Culture" and other travel guides. See "Jan's Diary" at www.ptleader.com.)
Ginger Snap
My daughter & I returned home Friday to see our neighbor, an elderly woman we call Grandma standing in her driveway.
She was terribly disturbed and we asked what was wrong.
She said her dear Chihuahua puppy, Ginger had been missing again.
We offered to search the neighborhood far and wide till we found her, after emptying out our arms which were filled with everything from food to a clothes shopping trip.
Upon opening the front door we heard her inside, with our two 4 year old dogs. What a relief! Quickly we told Grandma Ginger was safe and must have found a new way through the fence into our yard.
The dogs have a series of doors they can enter the house through, just to explain how she was found inside our house.
We were all so relieved Ginger was safe and if you could have seen Grandma's face as she walked away with her baby in her arms...priceless!
How Do You Stay COOL On These Bakersfield Nights?
OK, callmestupid, but how do you stay cool without using your A/C in the house on these evenings when it is over 100 degrees all day long?
Our pool isn't heated but you can't lie down and retire to bed in the pool! The pets seem to just love it after the sun goes down, but they're not telling what they are doing to stay cool.
See... we're trying to save money and can't exactly run the A/C day and night!
We purchased MasterCool which attaches to a hose and plugs into the wall. Put a few cooler ices in it but still, it's freakin' hot in the house!
Thought about just putting plastic sheets on the beds and filling up a spray bottle with ice water to give every member of the house but that's not very good.
Any ideas?
Our 2 week vacation comes to an end today. The high points were my niece's graduation, seeing my sister and husband, visiting with my Mom and Dad and returning home to witness the Atlantis touching down at Edwards AFB.
Before we left there were countless home projects that required doing, some of which we got done. Rushing these often causes disagreement between my hubby & I. My daughter is, at 15 reactionary, seeking appreciation for the good things she accomplishes and pretty argumentative.
Rule is a four letter word for her which is also the beginning of many heated conversations between the two of them and he and I. Not going into this one right now but our repeat disagreement levels were at an all time high pre-leaving for our 20+ hour drive to the Pacific NorthWest.
In my valiant efforts to note the peaks of the vacation the not-so-good times ear mark just about every one of them and multiply these by two.
Oh, did I mention my sister, my favorite of three is not speaking to me at all now because we could not bring my Mom (with whom we rode to Seattle from Port Townsend to the Everett graduation event) through another 5 or so hours by joining them for a graduation dinner at the Outback Steakhouse?
Yes Mom has been ill, down to 98 pounds and frail. It took them 3 hours to get there 2 hours for the graduation and another 3 to get back to the Olympic Penninsula where they live.
She and my other sister seem to think I could have swayed her to remain for a 3 hour wait then dinner at Outback Steak House....Not!
I don't much care for the place, prefer not to spend another $200 on food and personally I wanted to return with our ride.
I digress...
I was reading an article by a Mom of a single 15 year old who went on a summer vacation with the new husband (a step-Dad) and daughter, who did not want to go in the first place. The Mom had so many outstanding ideas of what to do for fun and at every step of the way the daughter rebelled...not wanting to get up in the morning, groaning at the sights along the way....turning up her music so loud that nobody could talk to her and wearing ghastly clothing to make sure the parental figures would look like total idiots everywhere they went. To bring this up she applied... would only create a situation resembling Hell for the rest of the day so why bother.
I am not blaming my daughter, she surely was better company than the other Mom's child, and I can't really blame my husband...he is the consistant one.
Guess I am going to take one thousand percent of the blame for everything that went wrong, vow to keep working on our issues, pray for a better day for us all and tonight I look forward to another glorious night of restful sleep in our California King Water bed.
(-; Soozzzzzzzzzz
In 2002 we heard an odd combination of sounds coming from the front driveway of our home.
We came outside to see our cat, Oreo ( Oreo's memorial website Link) having a verbal dispute with a small puppy.
This event was on Jer's son's birthday and, well we view the one on the right as our gift on the son's 28th birthday.
We had plans to get a few dogs since the last room mate took the two dogs when she moved out. She appears to be a Chow-mix, but we're not certain. We put up Found Puppy signs for a few weeks to no avail.
Then we began our search for a Besinje (pronounced buh sin' gee)dog to accompany our new puppy. We scoured publications, ads and hit the pavement visiting the pound and putting the word out to Purebred Animal Rescue associates.
Finally Jer visited the humane Society in Sacramento CA where ! sat with her homie's on a cement floor.
I named her for my favorite tabloid queen at the time J'Lo. *grin*
Anyway, as of late these are my two best friends and companions. They work as a team patrolling the property and guarding the house. I am forever grateful the sounds in the house startled them enough to chase off the intruders a while back.
As comments suggest it could have been far worse because I sleep like a stone.
It is sad dogs live such short lives. In my humble opinion they are really Angels with fur, four legs and paws and hearts of solid gold.
Sunday morning my husband took off for a week in Denver CO.
My daughter was not home so the 2 dogs & I had the place to ourselves. I headed to bed around 11:00 PM.
It's quiet in our part of town and the dogs can hear a cat drop from the fence to the ground 120 feet into the back yard.
Around 4:30 AM they went on a barking spree and dashed into the middle of the house. I went back to sleep.
When I got up I opened the curtains to the front and to my shock viewed my in-house-in-yard dog standing in the middle of the street in front of the house.
I ran out to bring her in and noticed the garage door had been open.
"Hm, must have been really windy" I thought.
After realizing I could not close it from outside I went in the garage to discover it had been propped open with a board.
My heart raced as I pulled the board and looked for a latch to lock it shut. Someone had been inside the house last night as I lay, sleeping like a stone.
If it hadn't been for the dogs what would have happened then?
So, everything seemed to be in place except for my purse...must have put it someplace special...the car? No! On the table? My desk? Nope! It was gone and my knees became week.
I became physically ill (temporarily, of course) not necessarily because the door was propped open but I'd had intruders, and now a ton of extra stuff to do because of it.
Now, I don't know about you but I have over 20 credit cards in there, one with a $15,000 limit which I have not ever used- for emergency purposes only. No drivers license now and 2 checking accounts with debit cards missing.
I Searched the neighborhood for it to no avail and settled in to making all the cancellation calls. About the 3rd from the end was the Discover card. The nice woman advised we have "payment protect" on this account and she will call all the cards for me. I said "go ahead, thanks" in case one or two hadn't closed.
Thanks to my helpful neighbor I made it to D.M.V. Wednesday to get a temporary Drivers License. By the time I got her paid back, had some dinner Wednesday night a guy came by.
He was the head of the maintenance department who oversees the gardeners across the street at a church.
Guess what he had in his hand? My purse! (-;
I would like to begin by thanking all of the folks who wrote comments to my blog when my daughter ran away from home back in January. ( Click Here to visit post.)
Little did I know this was only the beginning! It saddens me that she has to be uhm...different than most of the other kids and likens herself to the ones who stick out like a sore thumb.
She now has a total of 7 Missing Persons Reports, or case numbers if you will...including the one made during the above blog post . Seems she all of a sudden thinks she should not have to 'pay the penalty for messing up' What's UP with that! We just took it as a fact of life, got through the discipline and moved on reminding ourselves, hey if we do that again we'll get this result.
Not her!
She must think she is different or that she never did anything wrong but it is an immediate urge to flee (and she acts upon this) when she thinks she might have a room taken away or some other disciplinary action. She ran away first time in the middle of the night supposedly because she was grounded.
There are all the counseling appointments, hours and hours of talking and time spent at the Emergency Room at Kaiser when she tried to put her fist through a plaster wall, unsuccessfully...(the plaster was pretty unforgiving) these hours mean nothing. They are dust in the wind because my daughter is run away again and I sit here trying to work and only tears come when I think of how she must be living.
I miss her terribly too which doesn't help at all.
And what I want to know is...where the parents of the kids she stays with? Why have they not called me, the other parent? What do they think of the new face at the dinner table, in their shower and in their cupboards? Or worse, if she is with an adult, who is this sicko that is molesting my child? What does she have to do to remain where she is? Why is it better than here and from her reports why is pot and alcohol being given to her? Those things are not free either! What does she have to do to get them? All of these questions eat away at me and I worry a lot.
Sure, I can continue counseling on my own and even started a few internet things; one is a Parents of Teens Support Group where can join by filling in the form at the bottom of the Rules to Life's Music Page. Another is a Teens/Parents Help and Support page where one can see Hotline numbers and even send in a story or comment.
From my position all I can do now is hope she comes to her senses, comes home bringing the school book missing and the bike she took, show up for school with her work finished (<- unlikely because I can see the book sitting untouched on her desk and the work is due by this Friday)
I hope to God the Officer who brought her home April 26th (after being gone since o4 20 ) never has to implement the 6 months in juvenile hall work camp but maybe this is the only thing that will stop her. At least I will know where she is and that she is safe. She won't listen to my husband or I, maybe she will listen to them. Ultimately this is a better option than having to identify her body at the morgue then try to explain to her Dad in Santa Barbara what happened.
Parents, when you see your child go from a smart, fun engaging young adult doing well in most aspects of their life to being a defiant teen run away who uses alcohol and drugs please do not blame yourself.
Beating yourself up only makes it worse.
Start doing what you should have done now and seize all opportunities to communicate your feelings and stand (fears etc.) with your child. Get yourself help and consider using Tough Love for serenity.
Ten Beliefs Of ToughLove:
- Family Problems Have Roots and Support In The Culture.
- Parents Are People Too
- Parent's Material and Emotional Resources Are Limited
- Parents And Kids Are Not Equal
- Blaming Keeps People Helpless
- Kids Behavior Affects Parents and Parent's Behavior Affects Kids.
- Taking A Stand Precipitates Crisis.
- From A Controlled Crisis comes the Possibility of Positive Change.
- Families Need To Give And Get Support in their Own Community in Order to Change.
- The Essence of Family Life is Cooperation Not Togetherness.
Please, no annonymous comments. I will remove them. If you do not have a face we do not need to hear your thoughts here. Thanks ahead of time.
My 88 Cherokee, "Cher" Needs To Get Out
Even though it is a bit gloomy today I thought about what we can do for fun here, really soon and it picked up my spirits a bit.
It's nice to know that soon the weather will be getting, and staying warm and sunny longer.
I think I've had just about enough of the gray skies and peek-a-boo sun.
Over the winter we did a little resource gathering in terms of where to go for breakfast if family and friends should visit. Got a basic idea how long it takes to get to these places and what to bring...just in case.
The first trip I'd like to take this season is to Hungry Valley's Miller Jeep trail.
We took a side trip there on the way back from Los Angeles via Oxnard....and found tons of varied level 4 wheeling.
Even though there were a lot of dirt bikes and Toy Haulers it looked as if there was enough room for everyone....
Here are the Location/Directions:
In Gorman, 60 miles north of Los Angeles and 55 miles south of Bakersfield.
Traveling North on Interstate 5, exit at the Gorman off-ramp.
Turn left at the stop sign onto Gorman Post Road, traveling under the freeway.
Make a right onto Peace Valley Road.
The entrance to the park is one mile north on Peace Valley Road, to the left.
From the southbound Interstate 5, turn right at the bottom of the Gorman exit ramp, then right onto Peace Valley Road..
See you out there! Oh by the way...don't forget to bring drinking water and XTra gas!
Sooz
P.S. Usually we take the Jeep Wrangler but the Cherokee is good for really hot weather (it has air conditioning) , for rain and strong winds (it has a hard top and visibility is better).
final loads to the curbside
Well it's been a while since we cut down the 3 Fruitless Mulberry trees from our back yard and we are liking the sunsets. Man are we liking them. It's awesome to see the jet trails across the sky as their patterns tell the story of where they might be going.
I thought the bird population would be less but is is about the same. We have different birds now, ones which are more interested in things they can see as they fly above, like swarms of bugs and gnats. Of course we'll be missing the migrant and nesting birds that stuck around for a while singing their little songs but generally speaking we're glad to have a yard.
Went to the tree store and purchased a few fruit trees since we haven't had much luck finding reasonable priced fruits in bulk here on a regular basis. See in terms of fruit and veggies, we became a little spoiled when we lived in Sacramento (we call it "Sac"), before coming here.
Every weekend there was a huge flea market north of Sac in Roseville. It is called 'Denio's Market Place'. They have absolutely everything, EVERYTHING! And tons of it. We could get ourselves set up for the week or even two or three with fresh fruits and vegetables of the season all year 'round.
Long story short...we need fruit trees and a greenhouse or raised beds for the other stuff.
Anyway, (looks as if I got a tad off track there) When we went to dig the holes for our new trees out in back here, we got a big surprise. The entire area is rooted, thick with a network of life the Fruitless Mulberry trees left behind...under the surface of our back yard.
So far an ax or a sawzall with a long wood cutting blade comes to mind. Time to get more tools. We really don't want to dig up the entire back because we have sprinkling and watering systems back there.
I enjoy reading the posts here have just been overly busy with the necessities such as work,parenting(<-- a big issue right now) and family, of course. Hope you are well and moving forward.
ttfn. Sooz
For a Slideshow of the 'Event' Visit:
http://www.ifeelgoodaboutmy...
From the very day we moved to this house the back yard was sort of an...eyesore. Not really bad just sort of as if it had been let go. It is true the owner of this home was quite the socialite...you can tell he used to have big get-togethers and serve behind a built in bar.
The path to the back yard was well worn where he had 3 fire pits, a fish pond three Fruitless Mulberry Trees and a covered shelter where one could seek refuge out of the sun.
By the time we obtained the home these trees had become a nuisance. They nearly killed the lemon and orange trees in the back, littered the fish pond and removed any sign of life from what looks as if it used to be a grassy area.
Not just that, but the neighbors on two sides nicely suggested we consider getting them trimmed.
Ha ha ha! I laughed to myself! We'll get them trimmed all right...all the way to the ground! But I went on "yes we'll be taking care of that soon" Even offered to rake their lawns once mainly out of guilt for not having gotten rid of these monsters sooner.
I included the out of sequence slide-show. Seems the more I messed with the pictures the more out of sequence the pic's became. What EVER happened I don't know but you get the basic idea.
Not sure if I can do it here but we are really happy with the folks who did the work. If they don't remove the entire post, here's the telephone number for Mario's Tree Serviuce # 661-587-2627
Our man spoke Espanol pretty well so this would be helpful for you to know here.
Over and out, Sooz
Three weeks ago 2 ladies came to our front door around 3:20 PM. The elderly one said she was worried because our next door neighbor usually picks her up at 8:00 AM and she hadn't heard from her.
I went over to the house with them and tried the doorbell, knocking then the doors to no avail. As the frustration and fear levels rose we decided to get my husband and ask him if he would jump the fence to try the back door.
Luckily he was able to enter through the back door. As we waited and worried in the front yard we noticed there were no emergency numbers, keys or contacts available for this woman who lives alone.
A few short minutes later my husband appeared at the door and urgently said to call 911. Apparently she had fallen the night before outside and came in to take a warm bath to help her legs.
After a bath she says she must have been weak, very weak because she could not get out of the bath.
But it looked as if she had tried to get out of the bath and took a fall, bumping her head. (Bath tubs are pretty unforgiving).
When we found her she had been in the tub for approximately 18 hours.
She was in shock and cold lying with a bath mat over her which she had pulled atop her.
The medics removed the shower doors to get her out and it took 8 of them to get her onto the stretcher.
As she was rolled out she said she had to be getting home because she has a puppy and a husband to care for. She had no idea she was at home and that everything was being taken care of.
But this was where my troubles began. I needed to find emergency telephone numbers, medical and social security information.
We found a list of family and friends Dr.'s and some of her medications which the medics took with them.
I began calling family out of town, friends...anyone who might know her to tell them about her condition. We gladly took the puppy home with us because it would have broken all of our hearts if it had gone to the animal shelter.
Please, if you have health problems, live alone or are elderly do everyone (mainly yourself) who cares a big favor, follow these instructions:
- Make a list of emergency contacts including family friends, neighbors and include their names and telephone numbers.
- Entrust a neighbor who is close with a key to your home.
- List who has keys to your home so they will be able to get to you sooner. This way nobody will have to break a window or call a locksmith (Saving your life may depend on this).
- Make arrangements for your pets.
- Make arrangements for the meter-reader.
- Make a list of your medications.
- Include your real name and social security number, date of birth.
- Install a first alert system in your home. You know the commercial that says "I have fallen and I can't get up!" (We installed this the day she returned home. It hooks in to the telephone line and uses a notification button which the person wears around her/his neck. This is pretty slick because it is dual purpose. It not only calls 911 but it serves as a speaker so the person on the telephone can hear what is happening inside the home.)
To wrap this up we love our neighborhood and are blessed with some wonderful neighbors who do care. The beauty of a community that cares is together we can make it safer and a better place to live. We watch out for each other which decreases the worry and fears...that's what community is ALL about!
Update. More and continued thanks for your concern and sound advice. I have actually been checking into a personal counselor for my daughter. The one we decided upon took forever to get back to us and then could only fit her in during school hours. We went back and forth trying to make an agreeable connection for the first session, to no avail. Should have seen that one coming but after arranging it with the insurance company was hoping we could make it work. Thanks for the lead. I will see if he can get her in and our insurance will be able to cover it tomorrow.
For the time being we've arranged for her to make use of the school counselor who in turn is working with her 1 period a week and at times she finds herself in need. A peer counselor has been chosen which I think is a wonderful idea. My daughter really likes this girl and said she has given her a few things to do to weigh the odds of her actions...before doing the acts.
Hopefully, coming from a kid she admires the life lessons won't have to be learned the 'hard way'.
It helps to hear stories or comments about your kid(s) around this age.
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