Real Name: Tom Webster Gender: male Member Since: August 14, 2006 Last Signed In: July 17, 2008 Profile Views: 11016 Blog Views: 12187 Not Yet Drinking Liberally Drinking Liberally? Bush Announces The End of the Surge McCain Breaks His Own Laws McCain's Idea of Love Unofficial "Bloggers' Brunch" at Dagny's Saturday Republican State Parties in Disarray Publican's Political Genius I did not have sexual relations with that woman! Amazing Obama Video August 06 September 06 October 06 November 06 December 06 January 07 February 07 March 07 April 07 May 07 June 07 July 07 August 07 September 07 October 07 November 07 December 07 January 08 February 08 March 08 April 08 May 08 June 08 July 08 
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A Day in the Life of Joe Republican
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air. He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor. Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union. If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune. It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression. Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university. Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads. He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have." 16 comments from 6 users
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posted by
TomW
on Oct 31, 2006 at 08:52 AM
Originally posted to another blog.Democrats are hot. Who ever heard of a nice piece of elephant? Here's one that's a bit more substantial: Q: How many members of the Bush Administration does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Ten... 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb 4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either "for" changing the light bulb or "for" darkness 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: "Light Bulb Change Accomplished" 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark 8. One to viciously smear #7 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along 10. One to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country. posted by
Hardliner4freedom
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:02 AM
On the Great Northeast Power Outage a few years ago, I remember this:. "Massive Power Outage Traced to Dim Bulb in White House." posted by
TomW
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:26 AM
Nice H4F. Heard this one recently:A man is wandering around on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals. He passes by a butcher shop that specializes in human brains. The sign outside read: ’ARTIST BRAINS: $100 AN OUNCE; SCIENTIST BRAINS: $250 AN OUNCE; PHILOSOPHER BRAINS: $300 AN OUNCE; BUSH LOYALIST BRAINS $1,000 AN OUNCE. The man looked at the sign at said to the clerk: "Man, those Bush brains must be popular." "Popular? Are you kidding?" Replied the clerk. "Do you know how many Bush loyalists you have to kill to get an ounce of brains?!" posted by
mattloch
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:28 AM
Great story.I would have modified "lazy liberal union members" with "agitators". You could also modify "liberal" with "athiest", "whiny", "un-American", "ivory-tower", "pompous", "know-it-all", "ivy-league", etc., etc. posted by
anonymous
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:32 AM
mattloch, hit a sore spot?
posted by
TomW
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:35 AM
Or as I heard on CNN last night, "Latte Liberal" which is how CNN is talking about Pelosi. Of course, they always say "Republicans call her", but they never call Bush the Chimp in Chief. Guess it's that liberal bias.
posted by
mattloch
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:48 AM
Or "San Fransisco liberal".That's similar to the "question" tactic that Cavuto uses. As long as it's a question (or in this case, "someone" else saying it), they can say whatever irresponsible lies they want. "Bush: greatest president of all time?" "Democrats: surrender to the terrorists?" "Liberals: stupid or hateful?" posted by
robbwillis
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:50 AM
I thought Joe Republican was a real person until I got to the part where he stepped outside and took a breath of fresh air. That's OK. I like science fiction.
posted by
Hardliner4freedom
on Oct 31, 2006 at 09:50 AM
BTW, Tom, I've seen that "Joe Republican" story a few years ago. It's actually a good story. . Here's a paragraph to add: . On his coffee break, Joe enjoyed reading today's column by Marylee Shrider. He has the opportunity to enjoy his favorite local opinion writer because some bra-burning liberal feminist believed that women should be able to do more than cook, clean, or teach grade school. Columnist Shrider announces her intention to vote for Chuck Poochigian. Shrider can go to the polls because some liberal feminists demanded the right to vote. posted by
TomW
on Oct 31, 2006 at 11:27 AM
Hardliner, nice one. The Day in the Life of Jane Republican would be even better. Or a Day in the Life of Condi Rice.
posted by
mattloch
on Oct 31, 2006 at 11:43 AM
A Day in the Life of Clarence Thomas.....
posted by
anonymous
on Oct 31, 2006 at 12:44 PM
I love it when we neocons put one over the liberal commie pinkoes. They have been waiting for our October surprise and it has been in their liberal face all along.
Gas prices and running up the stock market is the surprise stupid! You will find out how clever we really are by Christmas, gas will be back to 3.75 a gallon, and the Dow will be down 500 points...the reasons and explanations are simple....if the Democrats take power it will be "soft on the Muslims, and a spend, spend policy", ', however, if the Republikans retain power, it will be "the growth of the Chinese and Indian economies and Iran, obstructionist policies against the new shrunken majority". Either way, you all are in for an education in " Leading the sheep 101" by the top 3 percent. posted by
anonymous
on Oct 31, 2006 at 12:55 PM
Hey lay off of Clarence Thomas, anyone who amuses himself by watching movies of "Long Dong Silver" can't be that bad!!
posted by
blognroll
on Oct 31, 2006 at 01:40 PM
I just stopped by to say hello to my liberal friends, and to drop off an olive branch along the way. BTW, in addition to trees, have you hugged a Republican today? It's easy to love people and things that you find pleasant and agreeable. It's much more of a challenge to love things and people whom we are repulsed by. I've said it before in a song (one that Rusty Humphries proudly aired on his nationally -syndicated broadcast, and, believe it or not, NPR added to their internet playlist at one point): Right-wingers Need Love Too! posted by
TomW
on Oct 31, 2006 at 03:46 PM
Welcome, Blognroll. Any good jokes lately? I'm up in Oakland, so I don't even know where to find a conservative, but I'll be visiting family in Minnesota next week. I'll do it then. :) I've got one aunt, bless her heart, who still thinks Bush is doing good job. Or did in February anyway. We'll see where she's at now. Her husband is one of those 10% people, but we'll stay up late and get drunk and fight about politics. Ah, family.
posted by
blognroll
on Oct 31, 2006 at 04:00 PM
No, TomW. I'm a Republican. I don't have a sense of humor. The only thing us Republicans are good at is starting wars that we have no business starting, and don't know how to finish. Have fun with your family :)
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