I learned everything I ever needed to know from a John Holmes triple feature. I did everything he did - including those cool faces that were popular back then - but of course, I did it on a "smaller" scale. Women sure liked it.

"My husband has never done it that way!"

Out of necessity, I had "the talk" with my daughter fairly early.  I think that's becoming more common these days with all the hormones in our food.  But because she was younger than her friends, I think it was allot easier.  She hadn't reached the age where she thought I was uncool, so it went very well.  As it turned out, the talk came just in time.  I wasn't there for the actual "event".  She was with my best friend, so I'm glad we had our girl talk when we did.

With the amount of provocative and racy television programs that air today for all eyes to see, parents are lucky if their children don't know what sex is by the fourth grade. In my own experience, at kindergarden the stork delivered me, at first grade an alien beamed me down to earth, in second grade I realized I came from my mother's tummy, but how I got their I did not know. By third grade, my brother and sister were in high school and dating and it was appearent that my parents were becoming nervous. One night I sneaked about and listened in on "the talk" that wasn't intended for my little ears to hear. Many third graders the next day were surprised to hear the news and somewhat dissapointed that the stork had nothing to do with their existence....

Parents need to start at an early age and schools to need emphasize the importance of sex, before some third grader spills the truth~!

Some places start even earlier. I knew a guy in W. Va. who said they have grandmothers there that are only nine years old...

I always answered the question at hand, and did not offer more. For example, when I became pregnant with my oldest boy, my then three-year-old daughter asked how the baby got in my tummy. "Daddy put it there," I replied. That was enough for her, until I was expecting my youngest. My daughter was a few years older, and got around to asking just how Daddy got the baby in there.  By then, she was ready for the rest of the answer, since she was ready to ask the question. I followed the same "ask and tell" with my boys and it always seemed to work well.

I was a single parent for eleven years. It was important to me that my kids never feel alone or unwanted. Above all else, I wanted my kids to know they could come to me with anything, and I would offer help, understanding and love. I always told them that I would rather they ask me about birth control and safe sex than about AIDS tests and how to get an abortion or find adoptive parents. I am fortunate; I have five, and not a druggie, teen pregnancy, school dropout or police record in the lot.

My first questions: Whose responsibility is it to teach kids about sex? Schools' or parents'?

Ultimately, I believe it is the parent's responsibility to educated their child about sex.  Particularly about the emotional  effects of sex and relationships, as well as the family's values on the subject.   I believe the school has the obligation to insure that children know, at the very least, what their body parts are called and the basics of reproduction (sperm, egg, etc.,.).  

What would make the parent-child sex talk easier and less awkward?

Sex is not a taboo topic in our home.  It never has been.  And, before certain people jump down my throat, that does not mean we're permissive of teen sex or give all the illicit details.   We simply believe that your body parts are your body parts and you should be as well educated about your sexual organs as you are about your tonsils.  What makes a dicsussion easier?  I woud say the best way is to start discussing ALL subjects in an open and honest manner from the time they're old enough to ask questions.  I have a three year old boy and he popped up one day and asked why boys have a penis and girls a vagina.  I gave him an answer that was approrpriate for him (based on his age and using words he understood).  I have done this with all of our children and we know have a teen ager who is comfortable talking to me AND her father about everything and anything.  Two years ago, I invited our nanny and my best friend from high school and her daughter, come up for a "girl's night".  Over board games and pizza, we brought up things like menstruation and sex in a casual and relaxed manner.  We laughed.  We admitted bad choices we'd made and what we would've done different.  We talked about chastity and why it's usually best to wait until you're an adult to have sex.  We talked about diseases (and passed around some pictures of venereal diseases). 

I think the best way to have "the talk" is to read your child.  Each child is unique and will, likely, need a different approach.  I also think it's vital that you get fathers involved in sharing with their sons AND daughters.  Nothing gross and graphic, mind you, but I know my husband takes our eldest out every six weeks or so and they go have a cup of coffee or chai at Starbucks together.  While they're there, they've talked about what dad's expectations were for her life and how he felt about dating and what he would like to see in her boyfriends (when she's allowed to date) and....basically just making sure she knows that she's loved by her father and that he cares about her future.  I think some girls go guy crazy because they don't have that connection with their fathers.  And, I do the same with our eldest son, though...he's a bit less interested in the topic as a whole (he's almost 12 - girls are still not on his radar).  Still, we have talked about how ladies should be treated and how it's important that he respect women. 

I wanted to address something bakobornraised said.  She said that kids are over-sexualized by the media and that there were kids who are playing adult games in elementary school.  I don't get this.   We don't allow our kids to watch movies we've not seen yet and if there's some gratuitous sex scene, we fast forward through it or skip it entirely.  As a parent, you *can* do things to keep children in an innocent, but informed place.  You can also discuss sex openly and honestly while retaining modesty.  My issue with sex in the media is that it's so misleading.  It's not realistic. 

Here is the real question..... why do we Americans have such a "hang-up" when it comes to sex.... it is a natural part of the human existence. The answer is... we treat it as something forbidden or nasty... it is not... it is a beautiful experience between two consenting human beings... if we could somehow quit treating it as something wrong or dirty I think we would be better off as a culture.

Secondly.... why do we "get all over" teenagers for having sex.... just a few generations back it was the norm for 14 and 15 year olds to get married... sure times have changed but humans have not. My grandmother was married and had her first child at 15. My Mother and Father got married at 16 and 19... my sister was born when my Mom was 17... I was born when my Mom was 20. Now ladies are getting married so late that they are worried about having children before their "biological clock" runs down.

In summation.... we should not blame teens for having sex... it is what their bodies are telling them to do... it's the way we were designed to function...it is the "same as it ever was"... we have just changed as a culture and regard such things as nasty... it's not.

I don't see the hangup over sex that people mention on here,  The pastor at a church I used to go with (very large church) was talking about the Bible passage in his sermon where it says for the woman to give to all the husbands wishes in all ways and went on to make a joke about it that had the congregation rolling.  Something about men putting that passage on the refrigerator door.  It really was funny and no one missed what he meant by it.  Of course when he got the laugh he went on to the next part where it says for the husband to give to his wife as well.

I didn't see any hangups on the part of the pastor nor the congregation.

I don't remember the age but one evening when my kids and I were sitting in the car waiting for their Dad, one of them asked how some animal or other was made.  It seemed like a good time to just explain the process and include human beings into the mix so I did.  It wasn't any more traumatic or embarrassing than them asking where eggs come from.  They weren't asking for advice on relationships, just how things were made.

gs, one reason that people get upset with 14 and 15-year-olds having sex is that while many 14-year-old girls may have the body of a woman, their brain doesn't catch up for several more years. Boys are even further behind, which is why in the olden days girls became adults at 18 and boys at 21. 14 and 15-year-old girls were married and became mothers way back when mainly because insecure older men wanted to get them before they got too smart, and they always wanted these girls to be inexperienced sexually, lest the old goat suffer by comparison.

Another NBOB.   Meant to stir your ire filks.

Talking to kindergartners about orgasms wouldn't exactly be time well spent. Boys think that girls are yucky at that young age, and they have cooties, too. Some gals are still icky when they're thirty-five!

lixalox, what you suggest here is borderline insanity... even to me... and I am one of the most "out of the box" thinkers you will ever meet.  Kindergartners !!!.... lets be real. The parents should have a much greater role in this matter... schools might have some bearing when it comes to contraception and diseases... but as far as letting the child know "what's what" the parents / parent should be the one here... each child has different understandings and needs that only the parent knows... schools don't have any idea who these individuals are.... hell, they probably don't even know if they are attending class on any given day.

Sex is a complex subject...hahahhahaa.  Oh that's funny.

Oh that IS funny lixalox.  My daughter 13, has told me she wants to hear about the subject from a TEACHER.  Because they are more credentialed.  It kind of hurt my feelings.  I've told her lots of things on the subject when she was younger and now she won't listen to me about it at all.  She doesn't want to discuss it.  She's promised me abstinence though.