I get it... I'm not smart. I'm a average, perhaps even lower. I *want* to be smarter, but I'm not. I'm not a "traditional" college graduate. The only college I can get through is vocational. I'm more of a hands-on person. I handle electronics well, I pick up things fast. But I cannot for the life of me pass algebra. I'm envious of people who are book smart.

But in the grand scheme of things, what does it really mean to be intelligent? What does IQ have to do with anything? Does the ability to get an "A" in a difficult class define a person? Does it make them BETTER than anyone else? Can someone use book smarts/intelligence as a reason to talk lowly of someone else?

I know a lot of smart people. People who can take 5-6 college classes at a time and get nearly ALL A's. I know people who know medicene and medical terminology as a second language. But at the same time, they've got their weaknesses too. They can whip up an essay or get 100% on a quiz yet they struggle with basic things in life, and it takes them a long time to know how to work the cable TV. or a cell phone.

I know I've been arrogant in my life and thought less of others because of what comes naturally to me. I know better today. Just because I can pick up a camera, a cell phone, a MP3 player, whatever, and learn to use it in minutes, it doesn't make me better than anyone else. It comes so easy to me that there isn't much effort involved.

Smart people can be dumb and dumb people can be smart.  What really matters is how you treat people .If you look down on others then you're not treating others nicely, and probably not the way YOU want to be treated.

Don't discount someone because of what they don't have.

I'm so grateful for this speech. The absense of Fathers leaves a huge hole in the hearts of children. No matter how "bad" the fathers can behave, it is very important to the child. I love this speech, he really gets to the heart of the matter. It isn't that difficult to make a child feel loved, valued and appreciated. And I praise those fathers who give that uncondtionally to their kids. The rest of you.............. why are you not? They need you.

http://www.bakersfield.com/...

I'm so glad I saw this story in the local section of the newspaper/website. It is ridiculous and completely outrageous what people/kids can get away with. The problem seems to get worse and worse. In this story the bullies video taped the bullying and put it on youtube. I guess "bragging" rights aren't limited to just talking anymore.

"She has been pushed and kicked, Nicole said. "Feed me" sticky notes were stuck to her back. Books were knocked out of her hands in the hallway. And she's been called a stream of names, from ugly to cow to slut.

The year of bullying has left her daughter's self-esteem and faith in making friends in tatters, Dowda said."

This is a serious issue and I'm very happy to see that schools are taking it seriously.

Don't really have anything to add, I'm just happy to see the article and pass it along.

I read in the Family magazine that April is the month for Child Abuse Prevention. I know this is very important, since most abuse goes on without any knowledge. I'm not an expert, all I have is my own experience, but there is all types of abuse, physical, sexual, and even emotional and verbal. There is no lesser here, abuse is abuse. Period. I believe anytime a parent takes away the basic human right from their child--that's abuse. This video I believe does an excellent job of showing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watc...

Parents are supposed to be role models.
If they model bad behavior, the results are painfully horrible when the child grows up.

Children Learn What They Live (1998)
by Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005)

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

What can we do?

Honestly? I have no idea. I believe awareness is vital. And if you know of a kid being abused, do your homework and find out what you can do. I can imagine speaking up is NOT always the best solution. Especially in cases with physical abuse.

Love for me has always felt like never never land.  It's something that I've never had growing up, not true, unconditional love.

I love watching Nanny 911, I believe that entire show is about loving our families. I love watching the transition, from both the parents and the kids. There's a lot of families who desperately need help, and I think its wonderful that an outsider comes in, takes a look around and tells them what needs to change to make everyone happier.

I see God in these Nannies. They observe, tell the truth, tell what changes need to be made, give them the tools they need and help them along the way to make peace at home. The nannies don't retract what they tell the parents when they get upset. They don't sugar coat it.

I think we could all use a nanny in our lives. I know I do. It's a commandment of Christians to love our enemies, to bless them and to pray for them. To do good to them, to outpour so much love for them and to never do harm for them. I certainly do NOT do that. I blame, I make excuses, I say "But God, dont You know when I tried to love them? Look at all the damage they caused me!! I don't want to love them!" Of course I don't! Loving our enemies goes against everything we know in this society. Blow em up! Tease them! Put them down! Kill em all!!  Before I became a christian I was a fan of Kill Bill. The ULTIMATE revenge movie. Lots and lots of deaths. Over what? Yes she had every reason to be angry. But to kill as many people she did? Now I see how pointless it is. Yeah she got what she wanted in the end, but at so many peoples expense!

Last night I was at a place where my "enemies" are. One of them was kind to me. It was weird. Very weird, it touched me deeply. I'm not a crier, but it made me cry. It surely would be nice if earth was like heaven, where everyone lives at peace, there's no fighting, strife or suffering. That would really be nice. But that's not the case. That's never been the case. But as I continue to learn, I see how much we learn from our enemies. God doesn't want me to love my enemies because it causes me pain and suffering.. quite the opposite. We receieve love from God when we do. I know the tears I cried yesterday were healing tears. Because deep inside, I know I don't want to be hated and persecued by my enemies, I want love from them. And to get love, I must give it first...

(and as i type this I know I'll read this later and probably get mad about it!!!!)

I've had all sorts of friends. Skinny ones, fat ones, successful ones, not-so-successful ones, lazy ones, active ones, friends with half a dozen kids, friends with no kids.. but what are their similiarites and differences? It has absolutely nothing to do with what I listed above.

My very first friend, I didn't make until 6th grade. We had a ton in common. We were both "outcasts" in school.. you know the ones.. the ones the other kids stayed away from as if we had boiles all over our skin and by merely looking at us they'd catch our disease. I have no idea what was so repelling about us, but that's how it felt. We met one day playing teatherball. Both of us were really good, the napolean dynamites of the school. I don't really remember if we played very competively, which is probably why we got along so well. we both knew we were good, and we just loved playing the game. We also looked like sisters (we went to a pretty dominantly upper class "white" school), and we both had the love of goofing off and laughing. It makes me smile when I think about the fact that we would spend all day together at school, and almost immediately come home and talk on the phone for hours. (who needs homework?) we had so much fun together. I never questioned her acceptance and her friendship. we teased each other a lot, in love.

After life happened, friendships changed dramatically. Everything I felt with my first friend was GONE. Friendship became the complete opposite. It felt like a constant contest,  something to be "earned", feeling as though I was always under a microscope, over criticised, every flaw about me was like a huge obvious mole. It was highly uncomfortable. After many, many, MANY years of this, I've forgotten what it's like to truly BE a friend, and what is a friend.

So what am I learning about what is a true friend? Well, firstly, I know I don't do all these things for others, but I have the desire to...

• A friend walks in when everyone walks out.
• A friend is someone you want to be around when you want to be alone.
• A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you've forgotten the tune.
• A friend listens with their heart, not just their ears.
• A friend lifts you up, gives encouragement when you are down.
• A friend is someone who laughs when you laugh. Not laugh when you fall.
• A friend lets you talk, even when they might be tired of hearing what you're talking about.
• A friend lets you have your emotions and never tries to change them.
• A friend loves you at your worst.
• A friend never tries to change you.
• A friend is someone you can sit with, comfortably in silence.
• A friend is someone that you cannot imagine your life without because you would miss them so much.
• A friend is someone you can tell secrets to and trust that they will keep it to themselves and won't bring it up to shame you later.
• A friend sees your flaws, and may tease you about them but never tries to change you.
• Friends may not understand what you do, and why you do it, but waits patiently for you. Never rushes.

I could probably go on and on, but this is what I am learning. I am learning that this list is exactly who Jesus is, and there is no other friendship like His.

A water bearer in India had two large pots hanging at the ends of a pole that he carried across his neck. One of the pots was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house. The other pot had a crack in it, and by the time it reached its destination, it was only half full. Every day for two years the water bearer delivered only one and one-half pots of water to the master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments—perfect to the end for which it was made. The poor little cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfections and miserable that it could accomplish only half of what it had been designed to do. After two years of what the imperfect pot perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer and said, "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer, "What are you ashamed of?"

"Well, for these past two years, I have been able to deliver only half a load of water each day because this crack in my side allows water to leak out all the way back to the master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all this work without getting the full value of your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot noticed the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because half of its load had leaked out once again.

Then the bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path and not on the other pot's side? That's because I've always known about your flaw and took advantage of it by planting flower seeds on your side of the path. Every day as we walked back from the stream, you watered those seeds, and for two years I have picked these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just what you are, he would not have had this beauty to grace his house."

I must confess that I have problems with love. All my experiences with love are totally distorted. You know when you're a kid, and you're friends with someone and they say "if you ___ I'll be your best friend forever!!"? Well, its a joke, but in my past, its the truth. I've always had "these" experiences with love.

I went to a Christmas gathering with my group last night. There was a lot of talking, a lot of sharing of stories, mostly about embarassing moments, people falling, tripping, funny stories like that. And after I left, it made me realize something. Although I hardly have any embarassing moments, its like my life has been one because I've always had someone pointing and laughing at me no matter what I do. My dad used to do it.  I remember one time being a kid, trying to say a word, I think it was electricity but I couldn't say it, after like 3 times I think I said power, and my dad laughed at me. Sure it was funny, but theres always been a "tone" behind it. And its made me incredibly self-conscious and somewhat prideful. I used to weigh a little over 300 pounds and I heard a comment from a kid only once, and I was already in process of getting gastric bypass.

It seems like a total copout in my mind but I know I have trouble loving because of these lopsided friendships. I always feel like I'm under a magnifying glass, I seem to attract people who see a tiny flaw and make it the size of a mountain. Last night I left the party thinking "why did I stay for an extra two HOURS to hear these ridiculous stories??!!" I think I had more fun on the way to the party, with the big fat clouds, about sunset time with the pink sky.. it was beautiful.. took a lot of pictures :)

So I don't know what friendship is, I'm struggling with the concept of love. But the good news is that we all students, and every day is a new opportunity. And there are plenty of ways to learn. Like the Word says, love is patient, love is kind.. but also this poem/teaching says..

LOVE

Be kind rather than be cruel
Get close rather than run away
See good rather than what is bad
Adore rather than deface
Be patient rather than give up
Be grateful rather than sad
Forgive rather than hold on to resentment
Let go rather than cling to things
Support rather than gossip
Be optimistic rather than be negative
Commit rather than put off
Help rather than wait
Understand rather than judge
Openness rather than prejudice
Willingness rather than stubbornness
Sympathize rather than reject
Warmth rather than coldness
See rather than ignore
Realize rather than fantasize
Praise rather than scold
Compassion rather than indifference
Laugh rather than be perfect
Cry rather than shut down
Give rather than receive
Do this unto others without expectation
knowing  "that you love one another
as God has loved you.”   John 13;34

 "God is love...he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him”  
1 John 4:16 

As I've said many times, I've encountered many different "types" of people in my life. Friends, acquaintences, co-workers... When I say type I dont mean age, color, etc but I mean characteristics; personalities, beliefs, actions. The person that they are inside.

I've been a very easy person in my life to be bullied, it is a huge part of my past. I've had so many friendships where I've felt bullied that I run away screaming when people don't bully me. (Well not literaly, but it is a scary situation for me).

The question that is perplexing me is how I put labels on types of people. For me nowdays, there are two types; believers and non believers. Over the past year, the belivers have been a huge influence in my life and have been essential in the healing I have recieved over the past year. They are God's love in action, and I am grateful for them.

My non-believer friends don't understand my walk with God, but they are supportive anyway. I know in the past I just wanted to convert everyone, but I know my life speaks more than words can ever express. I spent a few days with my non-believer friends, and it was a fun time. It was months ago and they still call reguarly to chat.

These two types of friends, its not a contest of who is better and "which side do I go on?" Because, after all, no matter what people believe, people are people and we are all free to believe what suits us. My non-believer friends don't try to change me and I don't try to change them.

Just like the media does with famous people, we, as people, tend to put people on a pedastol. Millionares=worthwhile, homeless=useless. (exaggerated of course). We by nature judge people by their who, what, when, where, and (mostly) ignoring the type of person they are.

We are warned of this many times in the Bible, (Matthew 7:15-15Beware of false prophets, who come to you dressed as sheep, but inside they are devouring wolves.)how someone on the outside looks to have it all together while falling apart inside, and the people that lives are falling apart on the outside actually have stability within themselves. Apperances mean nothing, what they do for a living is useless, where they live is so unimportant.. what is really important is a persons character.

I know I am guilty of this. I put my believer friends on a pedastol, and while I don't concider non-believers "nobodies", I put all the emphasis on them. As far as I'm concerned, they can do no wrong. And of course that thinking is wrong! How many religious "leaders" have been corrupt? How many non-believers have done works that could be works of God?

One teaching that has stuck by me is "take the labels off". Which has been very powerful for me in my life, since the people that "should love me"; actively don't. And strangers are nicer to me than others. But it should be that way for everyone. Labels are useless, its about our character and our heart.

We are all of value in this world, we all have our stories, our opinions, our strengths and weaknesses. And luckily, they are all different. Where I'm weak another is strong, and vice versa. We all have a purpose, and no one is better or worse than another. Just because my believer friends have the same beliefs as me, it doesn't make them better than me, and it doesn't mean we are really friends. Some people just clash for whatever reasons. The sooner I learn that and put that into practice... the better off ALL of my friends and I will be.