I always say that I have driven the 58 between Bakersfield and Tehachapi so many times, I could do it blind. Well, I got to prove it last night. I left work looking forward to home, where my nice warm cats, a mug of homemade soup and a relaxing vodka tonic awaited me. Normally it takes me fifty minutes to make the commute. However, it became almost immediately apparent that my trip home would take a bit longer. The fog had thickened quickly after sundown, and upon reaching the foothills outside Bakersfield, the visibility was down to two or three car lengths ahead of me, and I knew I would have to drive more carefully.

Now, I have been driving in fog all my life, both back East and as a Tehachapi resident. And I must say, what bothers me the most about fog, especially in this state, is the moronic way people drive in it. They, not the fog, terrify me. Anyone with three brain cells should know that in fog, you SLOW DOWN. Yet, every time the fog gets thicker, the same people drive faster. It's like the increased humidity is temporarily rendering common sense inoperable. Last night, I could barely see the red flashing lights of a truck about four car lengths in front of me, and I slowed to about forty-five, pacing the truck. Behind me, headlights flashed at me to speed up. At least, I think they flashed; the car behind me was so close to my vehicle's rear end that I couldn't see the headlights. This guy was hell-bent to get around me. I think, also, that he was annoyed that he couldn't pass. Why couldn't he pass? Because he and I were in the right-hand lane, and there were so many cars flying past us on the left that he couldn't move over. When he finally hopped into the left lane and punched the gas, I got an earful of his horn as he hurried to catch up with the other idiots. I blew him a kiss in return. (Well, no, actually I threw my best bird at him, but the kiss sounded good.)

A few years ago, I stopped on my way down the hill to assist at a pileup so huge that the 58 freeway was closed in both directions for twelve hours. There were in excess of seventy (yes, 7-0) cars involved. And that gargantuan pileup was caused by...(wait for it) people driving too fast in the fog! It happens all the time, and still, Californians refuse to wise up and slow down. And then you wonder why the CHP closes the road for conditions that back East would not even merit a school delay. It's because Californians cannot seem to employ common sense when driving in less-than-optimal conditions. They can't be trusted not to kill each other on the road with their stupidity. 

I can proudly say that I have never been involved in a fog-related collision. (Yes, I am knocking wood at this very second.) I plan to keep it that way, and to continue driving more slowly through the fog. I am certain that this will cause all those Andretti wanna-bes out there to try and invent new cuss words. I'm sorry that they have a death wish, but I would rather they would keep it to themselves. There are many other ways to commit suicide without taking anyone else along. Me, I just want to get home and feed my cats, and my family, in one piece.