To all my blog friends,

Thank you for sharing this past year with me, and I hope the next year holds more joy for you all than any year previous. I wish you love, happiness and laughter....

ghost

Tehachapi lost one of its young shining stars on this past Christmas night. Cierra Redenius was killed in a traffic accident on Highway 14, on her way home from a holiday trip. According to the newspaper report, she was almost home, just north of Lancaster, when the car she was in rolled over, killing her.

I did not know Cierra. I might have met her in passing; she may have been one of the many kids who visited my son on any number of occasions. She was in my son's graduating class; in fact, her photo shares a page with my son's in their graduation yearbook. After I read the story of her death in the Bakersfield newspaper, I went there looking for her, hoping to place a face to a name that sounded familiar. And there she was, young and beautiful and full of the promise of future years that will no longer be. I cried for her, as did my son, who was her friend, and who is heartbroken at the news of her accident. I cried most, I think, for her family, her parents, because I know how they feel now. For them, a life colored in shades of gray is only just beginning. I know, firsthand, because I just spent my fifth Christmas without my youngest son, Jordan.

I lost Jordan in a different tragedy in June 2003, when he was only ten years old. I still miss him, still cry for him, and life remains gray in his absence. Nothing has been exactly right since Jordan has been gone, and I know that the same will be true for Cierra's family, who are now faced with the horrible reality of life spent missing their child instead of watching her thrive in a joyful future that they surely imagined for her.

Cierra deserved so much better than a tragic end, as did my Jordan, and every other child who dies before they have had a chance to show the world what they had to offer. But such things happen, unfortunately, far too often. None of us have the remotest clue as to just how long our personal "forever" might be. Some say, "such is life", but I say such is the nature of death, the heartbreak that lies in wait for us all. Every one of us will someday lose someone we believe we cannot live without. So much more the reason that we must appreciate those we love, every minute, and never for a second believe that a tragedy cannot strike us where our lifeblood flows.

Show your love for your family, your friends. Do not fear the words "I love you". Never part from one another without a kiss or a hug goodbye, for you never know if that will be your last chance. That last hug could be your only comfort someday. It could also instead be a haunting regret if neglected.

To the family of Cierra, I wish you peace, and the memory of her love forever. Know that you are not alone, and that someday, the colors, although forever changed, will begin to creep back into your lives.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting is one day out of the year when you can remember a child who has died and know that the world remembers with you. It is a day when you can light a remembrance candle and know that yours is joining with hundreds of thousands around the world.

This Sunday, December 9, bereaved parents, siblings, grandparents, relatives, and friends from across the globe will join together for the Eleventh Annual Worldwide Candle Lighting sponsored by The Compassionate Friends, and you are invited to participate, whether at a formal service, at home with family and friends, or wherever you may be. While the event is officially observed for one hour at 7 p.m. local time around the world, services, both formal and informal, will be held throughout the day.

We are also joined by churches, funeral homes, memorial gardens, hospitals, hospices across the country, local bereavement groups, and informal groups of bereaved families. We welcome all who wish to join us in remembrance of all children of any age who have died.

If you are unable to attend a formal Worldwide Candle Lighting service, we encourage you to light a candle at 7 p.m., local time, wherever you may be.

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Jordan’s Christmas Song

You were the lights on my Christmas trees,

The holly that decked every hall,

The glow of the Star of Bethlehem

And the glitter on Christmas balls,

The water that made up Frosty’s snow

And the magic that brought it to life.

But without you, Rudolph’s nose won’t shine;

Santa’s reindeer have ceased their flight.

With you gone, Christmas bells don’t ring

And the carols forget their song.

That Jolly Old Elf could never bring me

What I’ll miss my whole life long.

‘Twas a Wonderful Life with you in my life

But without you, my Christmas is Blue.

The Grinch says that Christmas will always be,

But it can’t be, for me, without you.

It can’t be, for me…

Without you.

8/10/92-6/27/03 

Mommy loves you, Jordan.