As I raise my daughters I don't think much about anything but trying to take care of them right now. I am not a wealthy man so there will be no dowery or trust fund to see to their financial needs in perpetuity. I have nothing of any real value to leave them so a will is not as big as issue as buying groceries or clothes. I have a small fund for the little ones to help with college or to get them on their feet when they marry, but it won't amount to much and I was WAY too broke to do anything of the sort for my oldest, which brings me to the point of this post.

My daughter, Cassandra, was about sixteen when she announced that she would be leaving the day she turned eighteen to take the world by storm and get everything she always wanted by the time she was twenty-one and do it without the bothersome harrassment of her parents and never have to worry about anything I had to say again. Things like, "Get your ass to school", "Stop hanging out with those losers", and "As long as you live here you do as I say". She would have no kids, no husband, no nothing to slow her down or interfere with her progress. I think most parents have heard that speech, and many of us pitched it to our own parents! Well..It took quite a lot of repair work to fix the door jambs which had clawmarks from her holding on and me trying to get her out on her eighteenth birthday. I eventually became exhuasted trying to get her out so I relented and let her stay. I am, of course, being facetious. While every parent looks forward to, in some measure, their children spreading their wings there is a certain apprehension that goes with it and I was no exception.

Just before Cassie's twenty second birthday, she told me she was moving to Las Vegas. It was there that she would explore her independence and find her way in the world. I was sure this was a bad idea and I said so. I thought she should take baby steps, maybe move across town with a buddy first, so I could rush to her assistance should it become necessary, but no, Vegas it would be. VEGAS> It's three hundred miles away! How could I go give her ywenty bucks just because I could, or a hug when she was lonely? It was outrageous.

As the time came for her to make the move I manned up and made my support available along with my warnings and misgivings, but she was not to be swayed. With all her employment experience in retail and all the opportunities in that field in Vegas, it would be a good move giving her the chance to prove to everyone, and most importantly to herself, that she could do this. So, in October of 2004 I renred a U Haul, loaded her stuff anf we were off to the next phase of her life.

She proved herself correct that employment wasn't a problem there and was never without a paycheck. Before long she began to speak of Bakersfield as if it were a place she had once visited. She had become a pure Vegasite. I visited as often as possible, enjoying the trips and taking pride in her newfound freedoms and independence. I turned her old room into an office and music room and all appeared well and good.

Last year she called and informed me that she had met the love of her life, Joe, and that I should expect my first blood grandchild around Christmas. Her new beau was on his way back to Iraq and they would give themselves some time to make sure they wanted to marry while he was deployed and that we would meet him in about a year when he came home. Well, life has a way of speeding things up, and sometimes the jump isn' pretty. His return to the states was hastened by an encounter with an IED. He was gravely injured and was sent to Walter Reed. I had yet to even speak to the man who held my daughters heart and Cassie was devestated. She couldn't even go see him, but once he was able to use a phone they cultivated their relationship in that manner. Plans were made to be married, but it was still sketchy due to his condition. As any parent would, I began to wonder if she really knew this man. Was she sure this was what she wanted. Questions parents ask even when they HAVE met the guy! I admit I was skeptical.

One evening as I sat at the puter diddling around with whatever, I got a phone call. It was Joe. I had never spoke with this man and wondered what was the matter. Nothing, as it turned out. He had called to profess his love for my daughter and ask for her hand in marriage! He would not consider it without my blessing. I was flabbergasted! We talked for some time and he answered many of my questionsand put to rest many of my fears.

I called Cassie and told her about it and how much I appreciated it. We talked about dates and times for wedding plans, but with his condition still up in the air(he had lost his hearing, badly damaged his eye, arm and leg, all on the right side)it was uncertain when anything would happen so we just held out and hoped for the best.

One thing that was sure was the impending date of my grandsons birth(see my blog "On Aidan"..Jan 07). As the time neared and we knew her labor would be induced it was easy for us to make it for the event. Joe was supposed to have been better and on leave for it too, but that didn't happen. Cassie was crushed and we felt for her. Had he been there, the wedding would have taken place if it had to happen in the hospital bed!

A couple of times after that Joe was supposed to come home on leave, but something always seemed to come up. They were going to fix his eye, they weren't, it was nuts! Between his varying condition depending on which doctor was attending that day we were beginning to wonder if it would ever happen. In the meantime Cassie and Aidan had moved back home(see blog "Fate's Whims"..Jan-07)and now I got to be there when she would learn of another delayed arrival. It was hard for me to have to see her so hurt and the old fatherly skepticism began to creep back into my head. Was he for real? Was he jerking my baby around? There will come a day when Joe and Cassie have these same feelings for one reason or another, so I'll wait till then for them to forgive me!

Then one day it actually happened! We received word that he had his leave orders and would be here on May 7th at noon, well..if nothing fell through again. Cassie was a mess, which made me a mess(shhh..dont tell her)but it looked like the myth would finally become a reality and my little girl's dreams would finally be fulfilled.

Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE Vegas weddings! Not much fluff and plenty of gambling and partying, but had Cassie asked for an extravaganza, I would have mortgaged the house to make it happen. All she wanted to do was marry her man before the Army could screw things up again, so off we went to Vegas. I have had people ask me why Cassie would want to do the Vegas thing. Well, when you have watched your child agonize over not being able to even touch the man she loves. When she cries in frustration over more and more delays after months of hits and misses. When all she talks about is just making sure they get it done so they can go on with their lives; when you, as a parent, go in the other room so she can't see you upset over her predicament. When you start to question something you don't understand just because your child is hurting in a way you will most likely never understand..well, then come ask that question of me. Situations like that tend to put your priorities in order. Perhaps they will come home and have a wing-ding wedding or a big reception when there is time, but for now, they have what they want and that is each other. Frilly dresses and a hundred guests won't make you any happier once the party is over. I don't know if it feels any different to walk your daughter down the aisle and give her away at a huge wedding. I was just as teary, the lump in my throat and the swelling in my chest no smaller in front of only some family and a few friends than in front of a hundred people. It felt just as good to me, the aisle was just shorter.

Anyway..I had been dealing with some serious health issues for a few weeks when the time came to make the trip to Vegas. My doctor wanted to admit me to the hospital the day we were to leave for Vegas. I politely declined his advice and loaded up for the trip. I had a bottle of vicodin and a driver. I wasn't staying behind because I didn't feel good.

Cassie is now the larger part of Joe's life and he is the most important man in her life instead of me. That is a big pill to swallow since I raised her, but untimately went down smoothly and made me feel fine and proud. Joe is a fine young man, dedicated to his family and the defense of our great country. As my apprehensions surrounding him vanished at our first handshake, my apprehensions of their lives together vanished as i handed her over to him.

Their lives will be difficult as he goes back to the military lifestyle he chose as a creer many years ago and that my daughter accepted as a way of life, but their head over heels love affair with each other will sustain them as they move forward and come to understand life as a married couple.

For now, Cassie and Aidan will stay with me as the military decides just what to do with Joe as he has been wounded in action three times but still wants a military career. I will take advantage of the short time I have left as Dad and Grampa with them here and I will appreciate what I will, soon enough, no longer have with her.

So, on the giving away, it was a bittersweet experience I will always remember, cherish and look back on with the mixed feelings parents will always have about setting a child free..even if she did it when she was twenty four!