This is a very moving story, Rob.  I remember not knowing how to deal with the same kinds of jokes before I came out, even after I was already out.  It seemed so much easier to "go along to get along."  I can't tell you exactly when I realized that I could stand on my own two feet and confront homophobia, but I honor people like Francis Serra and Nancy Bailey, two Bakersfield gay pioneers, who showed me that even in this town it was possible to do what is right.  I could not be who I am today without having gone through that struggle, to decide if I was a stand-up person or a mouse.  I am pleased that I am no longer a mouse.

Thank you for telling your story.

Thank you Rob,

I think all of us can relate to your story of every being the scapegoat or watching it from the sidelines to scared to say anything, since we ourselves were gay.

Wlwedd: Francis would have be happy to see the changes he help create. Nancy I am sure is proud and she has done some much for so many people.

I always feel that is up to use who are out to help our brothers & sisters who aren't and then to honor those who have made it easy for us to live open and honest lives!

Happy Pride Month and from MA welcome to the marriage  equality club (membership 2 out of 50)

Thanks for sharing this story, painful to read as it is.

Many people suffered painful child hoods  and maybe we should do more to teach are children moral values like compassion, respect for human dignity, love of God and His creation rather than promoting self destructive life styles.  The fact is you can not grow virtues if you are working against them. 

I think the message here is to treat everyone with kindness.

A favorite quote of mine from a Saint whose name I  don't recall is "Be kind to everyone, you don't know the struggles (against evil) they are going through. 

My kids and then my grandkids were not allowed to draw attention to height, weight, or appearance of any kind in my presence.  I would hope that the never did it when they were away from me either.

Calling attention to someones physical appearance is just unacceptable to me.  Mocking a child for ANY reason is grounds for, as Blanche Deveroux used to say, " a whuppin' and then a  hangin'."   You just don't hurt children emotionally any more than physically.  In fact, physical hurt heals....emotional hurt leaves a permanent scar.  

Thanks for sharing this story, one that must be hard to tell yet must be told~and welcome to bakersfield.com.

Thank you for sharing your story.....

Thank you for sharing your story. 

One thing that stood out to me was that you mention that you, "didn't want to be gay."  I wonder, if there wasn't such a social stigma against homosexuality, would you still have had that emotion?  I agree with Wayfarer that we should be teaching our children to be more kind, respectful and compassionate to others.

Everyone has something they said or did as children that they wish to heck they could take back. You were a stupid kid just like the rest of us. Granted, not all have something as bad as this on their conscience, but it sounds like you are trying to get past it and your genuine sorrow shows that you should.

Thank you for sharing your story, and may your dedication heal everything and everyone that you can, including yourself.

As far back as I can remember I was taught that rude personal comments about someone else is the height of rudeness. When I was 4 years old I was in a situation with a group of kids wherein one of the boys had wet his pants. The “sitter” stood this boy on the kitchen counter and directed all of us to laugh and point at him.  I could not. I cried. Even then I could “feel” the pain of this boy and I “knew” what this lady was doing was not right. I remember telling my mom about it and crying through the telling.  She did not send me to this “sitter” anymore.

All through my life, I have tried to stand up for those who could not or would not stand up for themselves. It has gotten me in trouble, but that’s ok. I have lost jobs because I went up against the “grain” but in doing so, it made the work place better for those coming in next because it made the company CEO’s take notice of what was happening in the satellite offices and they made changes for the good.

In high school I had 3 gay friends – of course in the 60’s they didn’t dare come out – so, as I have posted on another blog, I went out with them on “dates”! I was sick and tired of the “normal” guys with Russian hands and Roman fingers so “dating” my gay friends killed two birds with one stone!! “Others” thought they were “straight” and I didn’t have to deal with slapping hands all night!!!!

Rob, I’m sure “Mike” has forgiven you – you need to forgive yourself.  Things happen in our lives that we sure wish we could take back.  All we can do is recognize that what we said/did was not nice, apologize (to the person and ourselves) and try to be better from that point on.  In writing this blog, you have “apologized” to Mike; please don’t beat yourself up any longer.

Even though I don't agree with the gay life style we taught our kids to respect other people.  This is not about  gays but common courtesy toward others.