Dear God, give this man a break!  Sure the process produces some great dark humor, and we can all benefit from that, even Steve, but my question to you, God, is this: What price too great for this quintessential dark humor? 

Steve, I keep eagerly anticipating more great writing, but I'm also hoping and praying that God will give you something other than misery as a muse. 

As a fellow GERD sufferer, you have my  sympathy.     The worse case I ever had lasted a week.  It came after an indiscretion with Mexican Food.   As bad as it was, I can't imagine that it held a candle to what you're going through.  All I can say is, this too will pass.  (no pun intended)

 BTW  I love Ativan.  It's been a good friend for me more than once.  I hoard the prescription I was given a year ago and only using my precious little pills when I'm at my wits end.

It's been an interesting journey and I am so happy that Steve is finally feeling better. I couldn't believe it when I came home this afternoon and found him sitting up watching television, alert and actually carrying on a conversation.  That hasn't happened in weeks. 

The interesting thing about this illness is what you end up doing.  I take Steve to his radiation treatments everyday.  We sit in the little waiting room at the Florence Wheeler Cancer Center with 4-5 other people who are there for the same reason and we invariably enter into discussions with each other comparing bodily functions.  At the time it seems perfectly normal.  It isn't until later when I think back on the days events that the strangeness of it all hits me.  One thing I wish to say is that we have made a lot of friends who are going through this journey along with us. It is a fraternity of sorts, a common denominator that opens the door for people to meet and talk about things they would never consider telling anyone under normal circumstances. 

We celebrated small victories.  Helen's last day of radiation for breast cancer. Jeff's last day of radiation for brain cancer. Dave the newby who is just joining the club and the cute little German lady with the great sense of humor but who'se name I didnt get.

Thank you all so much for your good wishes,  prayers,  kind thoughts, and  friendship.  Today is the first day I felt as if the end was in sight and it is attainable. 

Robb,

Maybe the golf weather is bad where you are in the great northwest, but down here it's been one sunny day in the 60s after another. Even when it cools down to the 50s, the sun is out. Makes me sad I'm not out there with it.

Steve, it's been shown you can perfect your golf swing merely by visualizing it (or dreaming about it.)  Come Spring you're gonna sandbag all those guys shivering out there in that "perfect" weather.

.

Thanks for sharing and hug Scary Mary for us.

I am glad you have finally gotten better anti nausea drug zofran. I also use zofran, it is very expensive but worth it. I cannot relate to your use of the term pippyup for throw up. This sounds too benign and gentle. When I first took my chemo my trips to the throne room were violent and rough not gentle at all. Five hours of this and I needed help to get up, my whole body ached from all the retching. This was after using composine, - which was supposed to prevent this. I tried a couple of other drugs but they did not work any better until Zofran. I can handle the chemo with zofran. We were very fortunate to contact the manufacturer of zofran and they have been sending me my monthly dosage for free! What a windfall. So now my monthly chemo drug - Themodor, retails for about $10,000 per month , I am also getting that sent free. My insurance would not cover such an expensive drug, so what could we do? I guess all of this will be fixed when our tax rates go up to around 60% under president Hitlery. Socialized medicine - what a nightmare that will be. My oncologist Dr. Ravi Patel was very pleased with my last PET scan he came in and stated that we are now in remission. So I asked if that meant that I was not going to die. He said no you are still going to die- just not now and not from this cancer. My neurologist has given the green light to resume driving again! So I am now mobile. I will soon be looking to go back to work ( gotta earn a little to pay for all this treatment.) I did promise that I would not take work out of state so I would not drive the 1,000 miles or so back to Wyoming or Oklahoma where I was working before I got sick. I am sure I can find some work around here. I am trying to secure tickets for the Fiesta bowl game in Phoenix , from my friends in Oklahoma City. That will be fun, I can visit my boys who live in Phoenix. With four of Gods greatest creations.

My general over all health doctor Dr. Del Toro was very pleased with my other problems as well. MY cholesterol was in good shape and my diabetes appears to be under control.

Hi Steve, glad to hear that your treatment, although painful, is bringing you closer to recovery and good health. While my experience pales in comparison, I can relate to how a tickle in your throat can drive you crazy. When I was 16, I had reconstructive surgery on my jaw. My mouth was wired shut for 6 weeks during the recovery period. I was on a liquid diet and everything went through a straw. I don't know how it happened, but I managed to get a small piece of hair in the back of my mouth. Since I couldn't reach it through my teeth, I tried to swallow it. The hair moved slightly, just far enough back in my throat to tickle even more. I coughed, I choaked, I drank thick shakes, anything to get rid of it. Drove me crazy for several days. I was so tired and frustrated I didn't even notice when it finally went down. That, combined with frequent muscle spasms and feeling like my head would pop off every time I sneezed with my mouth wired, made for quite a journey.

Thank you for sharing your journey. Happy Holidays and best wishes for the new year.

Lisa

Bbozarth, Glad to hear about your clean bill of health.....and I agree the word pittyup doesn't describe what Steve is going through either. For the record Steve's condition has once again taken a nasty turn.  He has been doing almost nothing but sleeping and throwing up again this week.  He only gets out of bed to go get more torture (radiation). He isn't taking the chemo pills anymore, couldn't handle it.

Dr. Davis says the tumor is continuing to shrink which is good.  We have been trying some new drugs the last couple of days....he just cant keep them down long enough for them to do any good.  I have fingers and toes crossed as I ground up a new pill that is suppose to help the nausea and I put it in his feeding tube at 12:30, he hasn't thrown up since before noon....(its 4:20pm now)

I will keep you posted

Lisa, that sounds miserable.  I had a friend who had the same surgery you did.  She was telling me about it last night.  Not fun.

Everyone have a great Christmas

Been thinking of you. And you continue to be in my prayers. Keep getting better.

And Merry Christmas Steve and Family.

bless you anglo

for no one knows the ravages of the big C as those who have lived thru it

I would rather have a .45 cal hole in my forehead with no exit wound for Greta and Michael Baden to find

like a hapless bovine in a chute prodded to his ultimate end by spineless "cowboys" who've never a mount a been

than be to dust from whence I came none the better for wear

Mary and Steve and family,  I would wish you a Merry Christmas but I know that isn't the kind of Christmas you're having this year.  I'll just say God bless and ask the Lord to ease the sickness and hurry Steve's recovery.  You're an amazing family.

Sage..maybe we should get Steveand Mary one of those T-shirts but for a different reason.

My Mom went through chemo and radiation for lung cancer over 30 years ago.  The leaps and bounds they've made with the survival rate these days is a miracle but it's too bad people have to suffer so much to get better.   When it's all said and done,  the alternative just isn't acceptable.

Hi Steve and Mary,  Thanks for sharing your experience.  My husband is going thru a similar experience with throat cancer (he's just about 7 weeks behind Steve).  3rd Round of chemo was tough and resulted in a 1 week hospital stay due to severe dehydration.  Radiation starts next week.  Please keep posting so we know what to expect next and so we know that "yes we can do it too!".  Mary, as care giver, do you have any advice for another care giver?  Are you still working?  I'm going to cut back to part time soon.  I really struggle with the stress and emotions when the nausea & anti-diarrhea meds don't work and there is little you can do to help your loved one other than "being there".

Steve,

Take your time and get good and rested before you come back.

Things are not going as smoothly as planned.

It may take up to another month to burn this blog into the ground

Happy New Year Steve and family..

Hi everyone, I send my thanks also.

Kim, Yes, I have lots of advice. I stopped working and took a leave of absence about 3 weeks ago.  Once Steve started using the stomach tube I really felt I could not leave him.  He was so weak and nauseated all the time. He also should not drive a car so its up to me to take him to daily radiation.  There really wasn't time for work. Also using the stomach tube is a two person job. Feeding through the tube is easy once you get use to it.  No more cooking... the home health company delivers flats of ensure-plus. Which is enriched ensure for PEG users.  First of all make room some where for a stack of cans about 4 feet tall and two feet deep. Steve takes 6 cans of ensure and the same amount of water each day. Ensure will actually dehydrate him so the water is important for hydration and for clearing the tube.  Ensure left in the tube can cause blockage.  I also grind up his medicine and put it in his ensure. You have to find the right combination of drugs that work for him.  Steve takes Zofran in the morning for nausea and Ativan at night for sleep.    I found that putting medicine in water and pushing into the tube made his stomach upset.  Its kind of like taking medicine on an empty stomach is for me. So I put it in the ensure.  If he is too sick to keep food and medicine down, go straight for the compazine suppositories....Like I said you have to find the right combination.

For me the actual care giving has been easy except for the emotions of watching him suffer so.  Be aware that it is bad.  Like Dr. Davis said, throat cancer (squamous cell) is one of the easier cancers to "cure", but one of the worst for treatment.  He is going to go through tremendous suffering. I wish I could tell you otherwise but I cant.  Just remember that once they are through it, this type of cancer rarely comes back.  Right now Steve's throat is so burned that he can barely talk and he has painful sores all through his mouth. He is weak and nauseated almost all the time. But the end is in sight.....mid January for us.

Good luck to you and I will watch for questions from you as you may have more.

Good bless!

Mary Swenson

Mary,  For those of us who believe in God, we know he has a purpose for everything.  I don't know what the purpose of Steves cancer would be but I feel you and Steve were blessed with each other as God knew Steve would need you.   It sounds like your love for each other has been strenghened by the ordeal the two of you have shared and you both have my deepest respect.

I've always felt you were both lucky to find each other and now I'm not so sure luck had anything to do with it.  Bless you both.

you never know your true friends until you get sick

or broke

or both

you're a lucky man Swen

black tar heroin

Hillary is our heroine?

Hey Mary,

Things sure have changed since we saw you and Steve this summer. Glad to hear the prognosis is good, but getting there is a heartbreak to hear of.

Best wishes for the new year,

Robb

I accidentally deleted a message I put up yesterday. The short version is thanks everyone for their kindness and concern.

Yes, I do know I have a gem in Mary.  I can't imagine anyone more perfect.

I'm going to write an update now. Have a good New Year everyone. I'm sure this year will be way above my last, or at least the last four months.

Drink something bubbly for me. I can't.

Thanks eveyone....including you honey, I cant imagine being married to anyone else either....

Nancy, I look forward to seeing you again at our next blogger get together,

Anglo, that is great news and I know that Steve will make a quick recovery once he is beyond the "torture".   

Robb, say "hi" to Phylis for me. Hope you are both doing well..

Kim, I forgot to tell you that early on in Steve's treatment he got dehydrated as well.  He was on a bland diet for the nausea by doctors orders.  I decided he was starving so I stopped the bland diet and fed him anything that sounded good to him at the moment. He found that drinking milk made him feel better.  He drank a gallon every two to three days. .  Steve even found that he tolerated mexican food during that time.   Eating is very important so find your husbands comfort food and have him eat as much as he can until he goes on the tube

Happy New  Year to all of you!!  May 08 be a wonderful year for all of us.

Anglo - Thanks for sharing the "positive post" - I love hearing those kinds of success stories.  These kinds of things do indeed help me cope. 

Mary - Thanks for the great advice - especially re: adminstering the meds via the tube (we haven't had to do that yet).  I'll be sure to mix the meds with the Jevity (which we're using vs Ensure).  Let me know if you have any questions about Jevity (but if it's not broke don't fix it).  We really struggled finding the right combo of meds during Round 3 of Chemo (he was getting it all).  I think that the passage of time is what really got both the nausea and diarrhea under control.  I'll ask the Dr. about the Compazine in the uh..... "alternate format".  :-)  Mike's Radiation got delayed until next Monday (the machine broke).  So, he's going to basically end up with a nice 2 week break between his hospital stay and the start of Radiation.  We'll find out if/when Chemo starts back up early next week.  He's gaining some of his weight and stamina back.  I think he's ready for the next phase of treatment.

Steve - Thanks so much for sharing your experience so openly.  We've had a couple of things come up and I'm like "hey, no big deal, this happened to Steve too."  Keep on posting!  Best wishes.