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Whose job is it to keep the parent-child relationship?
When the children become grown and move away from the family house, whose job is it to continue the parent-child relationship?
Is it the child who becomes immersed with the day-to-day issues of survival? Or is it the parent, who has already given 18 years or more of attention to the child? Or maybe both? I was discussing this issue the other day. A daughter and her mother have become effectively estranged because neither one regularly takes the initiative. That, of course, deepens the estrangement. And the hurt feelings. My opinion is I don't think the parent loses his or her leadership role once the child is adult enough to move out. I think to stay in touch, you have to stay in touch. Or is it the job of the young person to show his or her appreciation for parents by calling to check in? Posted by Steve E. Swenson 13 comments from 13 users
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posted by
OldBlue56
on Nov 26, 2007 at 03:39 PM
Steve, I was with you until the last sentence. Appreciation for the parents? Ha Ha Ha!!!!! That comes at about age 35.
posted by
steveeswenson
on Nov 26, 2007 at 04:10 PM
Well, regardless of the truth, apparently there are some parents who believe they should be appreciated. Rumor on the street.
posted by
NancyII
on Nov 26, 2007 at 04:13 PM
Unfortunately, belief isn't always reality. I've found it comes and goes depending on the offsprings needs. posted by
robbwillis
on Nov 26, 2007 at 04:14 PM
If you have to ask, it's probably too late for a good relationship, unfortunately.
posted by
TomW
on Nov 26, 2007 at 04:14 PM
I'm gonna have to say that it's the job of the parents until either the kids become parents themselves or the parents need someone to look after them.
posted by
sagefever
on Nov 26, 2007 at 04:15 PM
It has to be both. Having been in both roles~and having to be the one who consistently had to take the initiative in both roles~ it is a two way street. Like any other relationship it takes hard work: your family is just the longest relationship in your life.
posted by
tchudilowsky
on Nov 26, 2007 at 04:28 PM
Both. My son moved away in April. Moved back to Bakersfield. Then again he may be in Colorado :0) I text him at least once a week to ask how he is and tell him I love and miss him. He almost always texts back hes fine and loves me too. If a child respects and loves their parents then their life is never too busy to call or write and see whats up. A parent who loves their child will do the same. There is no excuse not to keep close. MHO posted by
witterpitters
on Nov 26, 2007 at 04:29 PM
My daughter and I have always stayed in touch - since the day she was born and she is now 41 with two boys. We call each other pretty much equally. Sometimes I call her and it is not a convenient time for her and she has no problem telling me she will have to get back to me. My feelings ARE NOT hurt, as I remember when I was busy with kids and all the goings on!!! She gets back to me eventually. Again, even if it is a day or two that is ok! She has a 13 & 8 year old. Even when she lived on the east coast we talked at least once a week usually more!
posted by
dgrealish
on Nov 26, 2007 at 06:09 PM
It takes both parties to make a relationship. The only reason a person doesn't make the effort is because the relationship just isn't a priority. Relationships have to be nurtured and it has to come from both parties. Making calls to check on the status of a loved one and to give your love is always good, and I think it should be continued as long as a person wants to do it. But it's hardly a relationship. posted by
RoyTullis
on Nov 26, 2007 at 09:11 PM
Is this a problem? Never entered my mind.
posted by
freethinker
on Nov 27, 2007 at 11:44 AM
I am glad to read this blog, I've always been estranged from my family and especially my parents. After my dad left, he rarely called or kept in touch. When he did, it wasn't pleasant. My mom and I don't have a mutual relationship. I just don't have much of a relationship with anyone in my family, and unfortunately its carried over to friends in my life. I don't get what's so hard about it, but then again its new territory for me.
posted by
AudreyB
on Nov 27, 2007 at 11:54 AM
My oldest daughter calls me EVERY day and we talk about the news, family, what's up, etc. If she doesn't call me by 10 am, I call her. I ALWAYS call my mother in Porterville. Usually every week. I listen while she lambasts Bush/Cheney et al. Then we go into a litany describing our aches and pains. My youngest daughter is less open about her life. However, when she does decide to "open up it's usually when I'm in the last 10 minutes of watching a terrific mystery on TV. Talk about conflicted! posted by
Jans
on Nov 27, 2007 at 12:19 PM
I have a step daughter that is 17 years old. She has made my life a living hell. I would love for her to keep in touch when she becomes an adult. I would like to see her mature into a women and realize what it is like to be a parent. If she does not keep in touch; I have to be honest; I don't think I would care at all. I have a very close bond with my mother. She will always be my best friend.
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