Action Boy: A Night at the Movies
By: Peter Wonderly
Topics: movies, cell phones, action hero
Posted by pwonderly Mon Jul 23, 2007 11:17:55 PDT
Viewed 1175 times
0 responses 0 comments While having nothing against Harry Potter in
general, I must say I’m not particularly enamored by
either the books or movies. My wife, however, is quite
devoted, and so requested that I join her and our
friends, Jan and Jerry, for a double-date to view the
latest film in the saga, followed by dinner at a
nearby restaurant. Having managed 23 years of wedded
bliss, and fast approaching our 24th anniversary, I
know what’s good for me and immediately said “Yes!”
Picking up my wife, Patty, immediately after work,
we rendezvoused with Jan and Jerry at the Edwards
cineplex and found premium seats in a near-empty
theater. While feeling tired, following a tedious day
of having high school students suck the life out of
me, the film fortunately proved sufficiently
interesting to keep me awake. This is important, as
falling asleep during a movie your spouse finds
fascinating is not the best of strategies to insure
continued domestic happiness.
All went well up until the film’s climatic scene,
which was rudely interrupted by the always-annoying
cell phone conversation. Apparently, the reminders to
“Please silence your cellular telephone now” had made
no impression upon this individual, who was speaking
into his telephone at twice the volume of an ordinary
face-to-face conversation.
The audience reacted with scattered “Ahem”s,
which – having no effect – were quickly followed by
the more emphatic “Quiet!”, and continued with shouts
of “Shut up!” - this last bit in which I joined with
gusto. These admonitions had no effect whatsoever on
the offender, who had ducked into an exit corridor,
and - while hidden from view - was inadvisably facing
the theatre interior, allowing the corridor to act as
a megaphone for his inane conversation.
In was at this juncture that an unexpected
appearance by, a previously unknown, “Action Girl”
took place. She strode purposely across the theatre to
the exit corridor and disappeared from our view.
Almost
immediately we heard an angry male voice shouting,
“You b#*@! Get your hands off me! Who do you think you
are, the District Attorney!?!”, and next saw the woman
reeling back into view, having being forcibly shoved
by the irate cell-phone user.
At this point it was incumbent upon me to switch
from my mild-mannered identity of Mr. Wonderly, Social
Studies Teacher, to that of “Action Boy.” Leaping from
my seat, I rushed down the flight of stairs, across
the theatre to the exit, and turned into the corridor
to face the offender. This individual would be a
casting director’s dream-come-true for the role of a
veteran bar bouncer, or as roadie for the Rolling
Stones.
Outweighing me easily by 100 pounds, this specimen
towered over my 5-foot 8-inch frame by some four
inches or so. This didn’t register, however, until I
had barked out – in a loud and authoritarian tone –
“Back off, man! Take it outside!”
What happened next defied all logic, expectation,
or
known historical experience. Making no reply, the
perpetrator lowered his cell phone, turned on his
heel, and vanished down the hallway leading out of the
building. While it is possible that my forceful
demeanor and sense of purpose spurred this retreat, it
is all the more likely that - dressed as I was in my
workday outfit of white shirt and dress slacks - he
simply believed me to be the manager and decided that
discretion was the better part of valor. Had he not,
justice may yet have prevailed over brute strength, as
it turned out the Jerry arrived as backup just as I
turned to retire to my seat.
As ever, while being Action Boy – or Action Girl -
means you may afterwards bask in the admiration of
those who appreciate your determination to stand up
for law, order, justice and the American Way, you
likewise always risk a punch in the nose while in
action.
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