Why Men are Insensitive to their Wives' Pain
By: Heather Ijames
Topics: humor, marriage
Posted by HeatherIjames Mon Jul 23, 2007 14:06:51 PDT
Viewed 1945 times
0 responses 2 comments
I milked it for all it was worth when I was pregnant with my first child. And, my husband was a bona-fide first class servant at that time. It was great. But, over the years I have noticed that he is not as apt to tend to me as he once was. One evening, not too long ago, I was tucked away in the bathroom and began my weekly hot waxing ritual. Charles is typically watching some television program during this time and leaves me alone to my own devices.
And on this very evening I was trying a new product. Veering from one’s waxing kit of familiarity is a risky thing, but I was feeling adventurous on my last trip to Target and was up for the challenge. Put the strip on, pull quickly, and then I let out a high pitched shriek of pain. Yeah, this kit was a tad bit more effective in the wrong kind of way. As the silence returned from my piercing of it a moment earlier, I tilted my head ever so modestly in the direction of the living room, waiting for my husband to ask me if everything was okay. The silence pursued. I knew that I made an unusually shrill shriek, why hadn’t he noticed?
For the sake of pure game, or for the relentless pursuit of self-pity, I endeavored to test his love. I applied another strip, yanked mercilessly, and let out another, but more dramatic, shriek. The silence pursued. Another strip went on, was pulled off, and this time I verbalized my pain for his listening benefit. “Oh my goodness, I see blood!” And yet, the silence pursued.
I liberally applied some aloe to my smoother, but redder, skin and marched out to the living room to confront my husband. Stink eye properly placed upon him, I stood there with my hands on my hips, but he beat me to the punch. “Waxing again? Sounds like you got a good amount of kill on that one.”
“Huh? So you heard me?” I asked. “Weren’t you concerned about my well-being?”
“I’m not the one who makes you wax. That’s your choice.” He said. I wanted to slap him upside the head, or at least grab the remote control out of his hand, turn off the T.V., and run away quickly. Instead, I walked back to the bathroom puzzled. Wasn’t this the same man who slept at my feet when I had to sleep upright on the couch during a bout of pneumonia? Wasn’t this the same man who tells me I’m beautiful after a weekend of camping and the absence of showers? So, what was going on here?
And then it hit me like a bag of bricks. Memories came flooding to me which explained his recent countenance during my shrieks of horror. There was the time I brought him with me to get a set of nails put on at the beauty parlor. When the power tool came out to file down the nails, Charles abruptly stood up and retreated outside. “Don’t you want to stay in here?” I asked. “Nah, I’d rather go outside and chew rocks. Seems less volatile.” He offered half-seriously.
There was also the time when he found me in the bedroom liberally applying our son’s Sesame Street Band-Aids to the inside of a brand new pair of black stiletto heels. “What are you doing?” He asked.
“Well, these shoes are really uncomfortable, so I’m putting Band-Aids around the edges here so they don’t cut my feet open and give me blisters.”
“Aren’t those your new shoes? How can you tell they’re going to hurt?”
“Because they’re sexy. They’re going to hurt real good. Plus, I tried them on for about thirty seconds. They’re real killers.”
He just shook his head and walked away. And the piece de résistance…childbirth. We all had to know that if the Mr. watches us pop out a living being from our tender of tenders, it’d all go downhill from there. And after my trip down memory lane, I could only giggle. We wax, we have claws cemented to the end of our fingertips, we wear shoes that make us cry, and we birth their children. To them, we are bionic, and unless we approach them with a limb missing, they will tend to not be surprised with what we do to ourselves.
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Tue Jul 24, 2007 08:01:57 PDT
We are insensitive, because sometimes you girls make no sense. It's pretty simple, and we have been accused of being simple minded too. I choose not to have female problems so I choose to stay single. It really works well for me.
Sun Oct 28, 2007 20:54:56 PDT
Your husband's "silence" merely denotes his evolution from a "servant" to an equal partner.What am I talking about? We will NEVER be equal! 
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