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My sister ended her life last week in Bakersfield
Topics: death, LIFE, sisters, Love, illness, suicide, little dog, caring, needing love, sad, Grief, needing closure, finding good out of a bad situation
Posted by littledebbie64 Fri Oct 12, 2007 11:11:22 PDT
Viewed 1906 times
0 responses 1 comment Location: Bakersfield, Ca

My only sister, Dina Schmidt, made a decision to end her life last week. I have been reeling from her death every since the call came at 4:00am Monday morning. Somehow the police found my father in Iowa and told him, I was surprised to get a call from my father because it has been at least 15 years since he has called me. I was told to find my mother and had no way to track her down, I hadn't talked to her in at least 17 years. It was difficult  to find and notify her. She didn't even seem upset. I gave her the Bakersfield Coroner's number and tried to figure out what to do next.

I called the Coroner and was shocked to hear that both my parents had abandoned Dina. Neither would come out to California or pay for anything. They didn't want any of her property and neither of them wanted her to have a funeral or memorial service, and they did not want her ashes. I assumed then that I would be in charge and I would handle everything. My only cousin lives in Iowa and we both agreed to pay and bury her in Iowa. My mother has refused to allow us to handle this situation. She will not allow me to  pay for her burial or have any of her belonging.

I called the apartment manager where my sister lived and found out that someone had notified them that no one in Dinas family cared for her. I love my sister very much. She always wanted her parents love and approval and never got it. She will be cremated and buried in a coffin with 99 other cremains in an unknown location.

There are so many levels to this that I just have to write them out- I don't know how to get closure.  Dina was a beautiful, smart and very caring young woman. Anyone who came in contact with her would have never known her immense pain. Both physical and mental. She was born critically ill and had immediate surgery to save her life. She had terrible pain and took many medications. She had so many surgeries and would be hospitalized for months at times.

Our father was an alcoholic and we really never saw him. Our mother was very unstable and abusive. I knew when I was very young that I had to take care of Dina. Many times I would wake her up and get her dressed for school because no one was home to do it for us. I was nine and Dina was 5. We raised ourselves. I moved to Ca to live  with my best friends family when I was 16. My mother and  Dina moved  to Ca shortly after that and then my mother left Dina here to live  with her boyfriend's family, they were very good to her and she graduated with honors and found a  good job.

My sister strived so hard to gain their approval. She attended school and was very close to acheiving her masters in pychology.  She also worked full time while dealing with her pain.  She became to ill to continue and had to take disability, she could no longer drive because of heavy pain medications. Her life became her precious little dog, Gizzy. He always loved her no matter what. 

Anyone who saw Dina would have never known how much pain she endured in her lifetime. She always smiled and had something positive to say.  I found out she had tried to end her life in July but failed. I wish I had called to say I loved her. I wish I would have told her I was really proud to be her sister. 

I can't understand how she felt that day, she put bowls of dog food all over for her dog, and had to resolve within herself that her pain was unbearable. I want my sister's memory to be how beautiful her spirit was. She blessed this earth for 39 years. If one person tells a loved one how important they are to them, then good has come. If someone gets a will so that they can be buried by a loved one instead of the State, then good has come of this. If even one person can see that even when you don't think anyone cares- someone does very much, then Dina's death isn't in vain.

 

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Comment From: samheath

My heart goes out to you Debbie. I lost my youngest daughter Karen under similar circumstances of the immense physical and emotional pain she could not endure. I loved her with all my heart and would have cheerfully taken her pain on myself. My heart goes out to you for the loss of Dina.