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Battling the Bulge
Topics: humor, diet
Posted by BostonGal Wed Feb 27, 2008 08:35:18 PST
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I’ve only been in one war:  The Battle of the Bulge.

You know how the enemy works.

He creeps into your body, by way of your mouth,

then slowly inflates you.

I have used every known weapon on him.

 

The Water Diet:  Consists of 32 glasses of water a day

and a very fast pair of roller skates.

I have chained my refrigerator door shut,

taped pictures of gorgeous women on the door

(and on the cookie jar)

and counted to ten before I ate and chewed

each mouthful of chocolate chip cookies 100 times.

 

I think when I first knew I had a problem was when

I bought a pair of slacks, my usual size 12,

and found they fit perfectly….

but only on one leg.

Then I began to notice other things.

 

1. I couldn’t fill the tub as high as I used to.
2. When I traveled by plane they always put me in the middle.
3. An ant crawled across my body while I was sleeping and dropped dead from sheer exhaustion.

Well, it won’t be the first battle I’ve lost. 

You’ll have to excuse me, I think I hear the jelly doughnuts calling.

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