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Through the Eyes of a Foster Parent
Topics: Foster Care, FOSTER PARENTING, parenting, Families
Posted by jbvz Tue May 27, 2008 13:52:45 PDT
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The month of May is Foster Care month. If you ask people what Foster Care is, you get a variety of answers depending on people’s life experience. A policeman may say it is a place where kids go when we arrest their parents and they have no where else to go. A teacher may say it is where some children in my class have been placed when their parents were not able to take care of them. If you ask a child in Foster Care, they may say it is where they put me when they took me away from my mom and dad.

 

I grew up in foster care and I am currently a Foster Parent through Kern Bridges Youth Homes in Bakersfield, CA. When asked what is Foster Care?, I see foster care through a different set of eyes.

 

Since becoming Foster Parents, my wife and I have seen many sides of the foster care system as well as how the public responds to us having a child of a different ethnicity. We have been asked if our foster child was our “real” son. I have gone to the grocery store with the WIC checks to get formula and had someone tell me that I should “Get a job”. We have worked with case workers who have too many cases and not enough time to focus on the needs of each one. However, we have also seen and experienced the joys of being a Foster Parent.

 

TJ, our foster son, came to us when he was just 2 ½ weeks old. He was removed from his mom at birth and placed in our care. He currently is 16 months old. The thing about being in your 40’s and having a new born that struck me the most was how little sleep you get. I have told my wife that I now understand why people in their 20’s and 30’s have children rather than us older folks. We just really enjoy our sleep. However, I have found on  many occasions that although I may have been woken up at some ungodly hour, when you hold that child in your arms, rock them to sleep and see that innocent look on their face, you seem to forget that it is 3:00AM. You stand there and think about where this child would be if you didn’t take him into your home. You think about what a privilege it is to be a Foster Parent and be able to take this innocent child and give them a chance at life.

 

As we all know, infants soon turn to toddlers. Having a toddler in your home is a whole different world. You soon learn that nothing belongs to you anymore. You may be watching a great basketball game with seconds left in the game and all of sudden the TV goes blank. TJ got his hands on the remote. You can be on a conference call with work and suddenly this little voice comes across the line. TJ got his hands on another phone. It probably would be easy to get upset and be stern with him but then you think about the abuse he has already suffered at such an early age and you find yourself picking him up and making him laugh. He reminds you that as we get older, we need to remember what it was like to be a child. Perhaps we would all be better off if we let ourselves laugh at the little things in life.

 

Working with child welfare agencies has its moments. We have had to take TJ to prison to visit his father. Although we strongly disagreed with having to do this, the case worker was very good at explaining that parents still have their rights. The case workers at Kern Bridges have been fantastic. They genuinely care about you as a Foster Parent as well as the child in your home. They visit you regularly and although you think I’m too busy for this, after the visit, you appreciate that they took the time to check in and see how you are doing.

 

Being a Foster Parent has its challenges but the benefits by far outweigh negatives. With May being Foster Care month, I would urge you to take a look at what it takes to become a Foster Parent. It is an experience that not only will change the life of a child, but also change your life. I know it has changed mine.

 

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