What a disappointment. The first episode of "Armed and Famous" aired on CBS last night. Apparently the show is more about them being on the streets than going through the academy. They were graduating 30 minutes into the thing!

Plus, they really abbreviated the academy. Maybe it's a shorter academy, and I'm sure they didn't show everything they did, but geez. All they showed was vehicle pullovers, where we learned Latoya Jackson is trigger-happy, the range, where we learned Latoya is also a terrible shot, an  excellent combination, and the group getting tasered.

Now, I understand spending so much time on the taser. We've established that it's pretty compelling video. But they didn't show ANY physical fitness stuff at all. They did fight the red-man, but no running, no push-ups, nothing. I'll admit I was distracted. I was trying to bake lasagna and the smoke alarm kept going off during the first half of the show, but my friends who were watching with me said they didn't see any either. I know they did some testing, because I read somewhere that Latoya failed it. The lasagna, by the way, turned out great.

Obviously Latoya would fail the physical stuff. My friends and I agreed that she was by far the most lame celebrity, not that there was ever any doubt she would be. When she went to dinner at one of those restaurants where you drop peanut shells on the ground, she demanded they make a table cloth out of napkins and bring her a finger bowl. A finger bowl? Who do you think you're kidding, Latoya? You do not have enough money to be eating at those kinds of restaurants every night. You have seen the inside of more than one Carl's Jr., and we all know it.

The least lame celebrities were Jack Osbourne and Trish Stratus, despite Erik Estrada's claim that he had an advantage because he played a cop on TV for six years. Yeah, Ponch, because that's the same.

Speaking of "CHiPS," probably the funniest moment of the show was when Estrada arrested a 60-year-old toothless woman for drug possession, and she said, "I didn't want to meet you like this, Ponch." She then proceeded to gush/ heckle him all the way back to the station. It was great.

Osbourne was the best shot at the range, and seemed semi-believable when he responded to a domestic disturbance call. Well sure, it's familiar territory. His dad famously was arrested for choking his mom, and on the first season of "The Osbournes" the cops were called to his house because his mom threw at rotten ham at their neighbors.

Stratus was the star of the heart-warming part of the show, where she comforted a family who lost their home in a fire. It was sweet, although one of my friends pointed out that Stratus' strategy for comforting the husband of the family appeared to be rubbing her oversized breasts on him.

Jason Acuna, aka Wee-man from "Jackass," despite insisting he is taking this seriously, appeared to be doing no such thing. When the rest of the cast was washing their clothes, he was at a bar getting drunk. Cut to him pulling over a clearly intoxicated driver. This show is nothing if not ironic. Anyway, the driver tells Wee-man that he would never be a cop. Wee-man said he took the job help people. Really? Do you really want to help people Wee-man? Because I would guess you took the job to be on TV some more.

There's another episode on tonight. I already have plans, so I'm not going to watch it. Plus, if it continues to be aired on Thursday nights, I don't think I'll keep up with it. I already have a standing date with Steve Carell and all the folks at "The Office," which is so realistic and true to my life, it's a little depressing.

-- CS

Note: Wee-man's first name is Jason, not Juan, as I wrote in the original post. My bad.

On Monday, the new officers will hit the street for the first time with the their training officers. At about the same time, a new group of trainees will begin the academy. A few days before they graduated, I asked the officers what advice they would give the trainees about making it through the academy. One officer, who I will not name, gave a slightly malicious laugh and said 'none.' Most said that that the it was too late for the real advice, which would be to get in better physical shape and to work out harder before the academy begins. Here's what else they had to say:

Officer Jeremy Piper
"Realize that it's a job and they're preparing you for the streets when they're yelling at you," Piper said. "Don't take everything personal."

Officer Nicolas Gospich
"Be prepared mentally and physically. If you haven't been in the military, like some of us haven't, it was something totally new and different," Gospich said. "You're going to get pushed everyday. There's those days you just don't think you can do it, and you've got to be prepared to make it through."

Officer Jason Felgenhauer
"It's going to be a difficult thing. You just can't give up."

Officer Ryan Kroeker
"Stay persistent. Wake up every day and take it as a new day. Some days are going to be worse than others."

Officer Felipe Juarez
"Just put out every single time, everything you do," Juarez said. "If you do that, you'll be fine."

Officer Cathy Hinzo
"If they do quit, they (should) quit because they don't want to be an officer, not because of academy."

A couple of training officers on this list. Congrats guys.

Tomorrow the Bakersfield Police Department will be holding a promotion ceremony in the City Council chambers.  The following officers will be promoted:

Promoted to Sergeant
Matthew Pflugh
Melvin Johnson
Ronald Rice
Timothy Brown
Michael Reed

Promoted to Detective
Michael Hale
Bobby Woolard
William Hughes
Brian Kennemer
Gregg Batchelor
Jason Townsend
Lonnie Mills

Promoted to Senior Patrol Officer
Jerry Whisenhunt
Alex Menendez
Jeffrey Saso
Uriel Pacheco

Some of you bloggers really like to throw stones at giants. Here's your chance to prove how much tougher you are.

Interested in becoming a cop and willing to foot the bill yourself?

The Kern County Sheriff's Department will be testing for two upcoming academies at 8 a.m. on Saturday. The testing will last all day and include a physical agility test, a written test and an oral interview.

If you successfully complete the tests, you will be placed on a list for academies to be held in April and May. You will have to pass a background check before being accepted to the academy.

If you are accepted, you will have to pay your own way as a non-affiliated student, including the cost of your uniforms, equipment, driving school, ammunition and tuition. Once you complete the academy, you will be eligible to be hired by most law enforcement agencies in the state.

The testing will be held at sheriff's headquarters at 1350 Norris Road. For more information, contact the department at 391-7660 or 391-7412.

I got cable installed in my apartment a couple days before Christmas, after over a year and half without it. Just in the nick of time as it turns out, because what promises to be a truly excellent example of bad television is going to start airing on Jan. 10. CBS is bringing us "Armed and Famous," a show that follows five celebrities through a real police academy.

I did a little googling and here's what I've pieced together. It takes place within the Muncie, Indiana police department. The celebrities are Erik Estrada, La Toya Jackson, Jack Osbourne (Ozzy's kid and recovering OxyContin addict), Wee-man from MTV's "Jackass," and Trish Stratus, whom I have never heard of, but the website said was a wrestler or something.

I tried to watch clips of the show, but my stupid computer refuses to play them. But there's already a Wikipedia entry, and I found some articles on that site.

One article I found said the show was filming for about a month, so either Indiana academies have far fewer requirements than California, or the celebrities didn't actually attend a "real" academy. My money's on the latter, but who knows. Another article said that they were sworn in as a reserve officers on Dec. 5.

I'm not sure exactly what the difference between a regular officer and a reserve officer is. More internet research seems to suggest it simply means the reserve officer aren't paid. An Indiana newspaper article I found said reserve officer standards include psychological and physical examinations and 40 hours of basic training in firearms and defensive tactics and other subjects. I'm not sure if that means 40 hours of each subject, or 40 hours total.

Doesn't matter. It's reality TV, so no one expects it to be remotely real. I do expect someone to cry, throw something at the wall, then stomp out, only to come back after commercial break, apologize and say they're just having a hard time. I better see some inappropriate flirting and generally disgraceful behavior. Since they will be working with real officers, I bet they'll be some very uncomfortable cops, quietly horrified by what's happening, and there only to make the celebrities seem all the more outrageous compared to normal people. And the newspaper article said the producers promised not to make a mockery of the town or the department, but if at any point during taping of the show the officers responded to any call involving livestock in any way, I bet that makes it on the air. After the show airs, I'll be scouring the internet to find the article where the chief says the show didn't represent the department the way it really is and how he wishes he'd never agreed to it.

So check it out at 8 p.m. Wednesday Jan. 10 on CBS, and expect a full discussion about it after it airs.

-- CS