larger view

I decided to take a class at BC this semester for a variety of reasons and now that we are done with our first week, I find myself both inspired and bewildered by the entire process.

So many things have changed since I graduated with my BA from University of the Pacific in 1984. Yesterday before class started I sat staring at the World Map in the front of the room. "Russia!" my heart shouted. "They got it right!" It used to drive me nuts when people incorrectly called the then USSR Russia because it wasn't Russia then. Now it is. I was also amazed by the size of Kazakstan. I am embarassed to admit I didn't know how much land it covered until I saw it right there, in front of me, in the classroom.

A girl in front of me sat, hiding her phone, texting during class. We didn't have cell phones last time I took college classes.

The other thing that I didn't have when I was in school is an instructor who actually seems to be very concerned with whether or not we read the material AND that we actually THINK about the material we have read before we come to class. I think when I was in school before they assumed that we did and ofcourse, I didn't think in depth nearly as much as I did today when I did my reading.

I spent about 90 minutes this morning at the BC library, reading this week's assignments because... another new thing... I ordered my textbooks on Amazon and they won't arrive until Tuesday... but I saved 75% on what I would have paid in the BC Bookstore. This was almost painful for me because "Once Upon a Time" I was a publisher's rep whose livelihood depended on students purchasing books at student stores. Thankfully, I got over the guilt, ordered cheaply online and got to use my textbook for two hours from the reserve desk. I read and dutifully took notes and asked myself questions about what I was reading as I read.

I have to, you see. It is part of the course requirements.

I can't fake it this time, at all. I must think, form opinions and thoughts and write about it before I go to class and hear the instructor's thoughts and opinions. I even have to write what I think - two to three pages worth - and turn in what I think to the instructor so she will know I did what I was supposed to do.

I am amazed I am amazed by this, but it is really very cool. I remember having an incredulous professor when I was in school asking up to PLEASE challenge the assumptions he was throwing at us as we sat in our preppie attire diligently taking notes and thinking about whatever we thought about back then.

Yesterday my instructor asked the class "Where were you in the 70's?" Most of my classmates weren't alive yet so when my voice piped up "elementary school" several of the young women turned and looked at me as if I was some sort of alien being. Even the girl texting was paying enough intention to allow her jaw to drop in shock at the thought that such an ancient person was in the class.

I am liking this a lot. Can you tell?

I am looking forward to next week. My major comfort zone challenge is active participation. While I used to get A's consistently when I got my BA, it wasn't because I talked a lot in class. I rarely spoke up, too scared. Crazy, because I obviously knew what I was supposed to know.

This time, speaking up is 20% of my grade and yes, I am working on getting a good grade even though there is "no reason" to work towards a good grade except for self respect... and isn't that enough, anyway?

Time for me to get back to thinking in this whole new way.

I can't wait for Tuesday!

larger view larger view larger view

I haven't been on Bakersfield.com for a while except for VERY sporadically. It feels good to be back -

Where have I been?

In a nutshell:" I have lived a lot of life, a lot of angst and I think i have come out for the best. I have wondered during the past eighteen months or so how to shape or form this blog - I wasn't finding exactly the same joy in writing about solely my adventures in local theater and I didn't want to only post poetry or my journeys down my eclectic spiritual path and for a long time, the last thing I wanted to do was rehash my struggles with the local educational bureaucracy in dealing with my son's education.

Lotsa grief there.

So now to the other side. I am wanting more and more to write here of all of me, not sequestering one aspect of me for another aspect of me. The whole of me is a Mother, is an Artist, is an Actor/Director, is an Activist, is a Life and Creativity Coach, is a Writer, is a poet, is a student, is a teacher.

It isn't just my arm that writes poetry or just my uterus that is a mother. It is the whole me, the all me that does these things.

I will do my best to write of all of me, to write consistently, to share my thoughts and meanderings with folks who are interested here on Bakersfield.com.

Ahhh, that feels good.