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Catholic Horses
CATHOLIC HORSES
One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mitch watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Mitch made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Mitch collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The priest again blessed a horse. Mitch bet big on it, and it won. Mitch was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in first. Bye and bye, Mitch was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mitch also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. Mitch knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mitch, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was. Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!' The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference be a simple blessing and the last rites. 19 comments from 6 users
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posted by
catpaw
on Feb 28, 2008 at 05:51 AM
Thanks for the chuckle. Ever observed a church bingo? Everything from plastic Jesus to rabbit feet sitting on the table in front of the player. I've seen slot players insist on wearing a particular shirt or hat. posted by
NancyII
on Feb 28, 2008 at 06:31 AM
I guess most of us have our little quirks when it comes to wanting good luck. Years ago when I played on pool leagues, as I lined up for a shot, I would spin my pool stick in my hand until I found a tiny nick in it. I had to feel that nick to be comfortable enough to shoot. Almost like a talisman. Funny thing is on the rare occassion that I had to use a house stick I did almost as well and it never occured to me to look for a nick. Of course, when I didn't do as well I could blame it on not having my own "Esmerelda." posted by
randomfactor
on Feb 28, 2008 at 06:43 AM
I love a similar story about the guy who finds a hat with tickets to the racetrack stuck inside. He's got nothing to do that day so he heads to the track, and in the first race sees a horse running with the name Lucky Hat. So he bets on that horse, which wins. In the second race there's a horse called Raspberry Beret, so he puts his winnings on that one and wins again. "I was doing just great until the last race," he tells his friend. "Horse after horse with hat names came in for me. Then, in the final race, I bet everything on a horse called Chateau, the French word for hat" His friend was appalled. "You idiot! Chateau means house! *CHAPEAU* means hat!" "It wouldn't have mattered anyway," he replied. The winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulke." . (Moral of both stories: no matter what your system, it helps to be at least familiar with the other religions. You may well have bet on the wrong horse.) posted by
Wayfarer
on Feb 28, 2008 at 07:24 AM
Yep you may have all your bets on the wrong horse. Especially since the devil already lost. posted by
randomfactor
on Feb 28, 2008 at 07:29 AM
As may you. The difference is that I know twice as much about Christianity as you do about atheism. . Why? Because you're *TERRIFIED*. Have a nice day, Buffoo, and don't look at anything that might scare you. posted by
Wayfarer
on Feb 28, 2008 at 07:31 AM
More yada, yada from Random the hysterical atheist. posted by
NancyII
on Feb 28, 2008 at 07:32 AM
OK fellas...this is a JOKE..save the religious arguments for a different blog. Lets have a chuckle for once without sniping. posted by
solidrocker7
on Feb 28, 2008 at 07:33 AM
Yeah you may be betting on a wrong horse, but it's the greed that you have as well on thinking you can win on a "sure thing" posted by
Wayfarer
on Feb 28, 2008 at 07:38 AM
I have always found that if it seems to good to be true. It usually is. posted by
randomfactor
on Feb 28, 2008 at 07:54 AM
But Nancy, if you start a Catholic joke forum you've gotta *KNOW* Buffoo will show up, right? Mine was on-topic. posted by
randomfactor
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:19 AM
Buffoo, *THINK* about that (your comment, not mine.) It's not true unless it makes you laugh. posted by
NancyII
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:22 AM
Ah but on a joke blog..on topic means humor....not snipes at each other. And if anyone thinks I'm biased they'd be wrong. I'd post a joke about ANY religion. I'd post them about nationalities too if people would lighten up and not get their knickers in a knot. People who can't see humor in all of life are prett-tty boring people. It gets so heavy on here with such animosity at times that everyone needs to take a deep breath..read a joke..and laugh. BTW..I'm non denominational. I think all have their good and bad qualities so I poke fun at them all. On with the chuckles. posted by
Wayfarer
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:25 AM
You don't have to sell me Nancy. I liked your joke and I simply agreed with Random. posted by
randomfactor
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:26 AM
You didn't think my joke was funny? . How 'bout this one: A priest and a rabbi decide to pool their money and buy a car together. (The rabbi won't need it Saturday, the priest is working Sunday, so it seems a good fit.) They settle on one and park it on the street. The priest goes into the church and brings out a sparger and begins sprinkling the car with holy water to bless it for their work. The rabbi thinks a moment and goes into the garage. He comes out with a hacksaw and cuts off the last inch of the tailpipe... posted by
Wayfarer
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:31 AM
Thats a good one to. posted by
NancyII
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:40 AM
RF..of course your joke was funny..it was the comments you two aimed at each other that didn't tip over my giggle box. That last one was REALLY funny..LOL. posted by
witterpitters
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:29 PM
You guys are hysterical!!! I love these kinds of blogs!! MAJOR GIGGLES!!
posted by
NancyII
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:39 PM
What the world needs ...now. Is love....sweet love. hummmdeedeedumdeedumdededum AND a giggle or two. posted by
witterpitters
on Feb 28, 2008 at 08:41 PM
AMMEEENNNNNN
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