My 9 month old ggrandson, whose mommy had just taught him to say "uh oh" was with me a couple of weeks ago and fell asleep on the couch.  He sleeps so well there that I hate moving him to a safer location so I put a ladderback kitchen chair up against the edge where he's sleeping.

After he woke up I had him on my lap and he was kicking his feet back and forth at the chair.  He caught it just right and kicked it over onto his "saucer"  (round thingy with toys all around and a seat) with a loud crash setting off all the noisemakers on it.  He sat really still for a few seconds just staring at it and then said...uh oh.

I thought I'd fall off the couch laughing.  9 months old.  :-)

When my daughter was around 5 or 6 we were in the car one night and she saw the little sliver of a moon in the sky.  She asked me if that was God's chewed off fingernail in the sky.  I thought it was cute anyway!

My younger daughter (preschooler at the time) was riding one day in the back seat and I heard her exclaim quite clearly "Jesus Christ!"

Huh?

She was pointing out the window at a sign on the church we were passing, and explained "That says 'Church of Jesus Christ!'"  (We've got one down the road from us.)  Bright kid.

I remember the first complete sentence that my grandson said when he was two.  He woke up one morning opened his eyes and said "They drive green trucks in Jurassic Park."    He had watched the movie on our VCR the night before right before bed time. I was amazed that he could formulate such a sentence.    My story is not that cute but it is a cherished memory for me.   When one of the other boys was young he would drink his orange juice "vitamin seeds" and all.  That is what he called the pulp in the oj.

Heh..good ones.

RF yours reminded me of a friend who had his little 2 year old girl in the back seat and a friend in the front.  They were driving down the road when out of the blue she said "penis."  They never did figure out where that one came from.  Surely not Noggin.  :-)

NAT..they don't have to be funny to leave a lasting memory do they?

At Christmas one year Marks youngest daughter was pretty small and was tearing open packages.  She got to one that was a box for something or other someone had used to hold the gift and when she ripped the paper off her eyes lit up and she yelped "I've always wanted one of those" without having a clue what the picture on the box was.  You'd have to know her to appreciate it..her name is Ariel and it fits her so well.  Light and bubbly.

Older daughter had a b'day party once where every other gift was a Barbie.  She picked up another box and said "If this is another Barbie, I'm dead meat."

Nancy, I am currently working on a book called "Wanna Hear the Latest Alex?" about the things my kids did when they were little. I call it that because I used to walk in to work and say that to my coworker all the time, to which he would respond with "oh, gawd, what did he do now?" My oldest boy walked at nine months, ran at ten, and I never sat down again. Here's one of my favorite 'Alex' stories: 

One day my daughter Kati was getting ready to leave for school. My baby, Jordan, was only about three weeks old, Kati was seven, and Alex was nearly four. Kati fell down outside and scraped her knee; I put peroxide on it and she left for school with her friends. Well, you know what peroxide does on a wound...it foams up. Alex was fascinated by this. Well, after I put the baby down, I went in to the kitchen to refill my coffee cup, only to discover that it was still full. I thought it had been only about a third filled. I picked up the cup with the intention of warming it in the microwave, and on the way across the kitchen I took a big gulp. I nearly choked. My throat burned, and my stomach protested. Turning back to the table, I saw the open peroxide bottle on the floor next to it. Alex was staring at me expectantly. "Alex, did you pour peroxide in Mommy's coffee?" I asked. He nodded enthusiastically. When I asked him why, he replied, "I wanted to see if your mouth would foam up like Kati's knee did."

I called my mother, in tears, and told her Alex was trying to kill me; she came and picked him up, and he spent a few days at Grandma's.

I speak with an accent...A nice big fat Texas accent.  All kinds of people have trouble understanding me.   I help kindergarten children at my church learn Bible verses.    When they repeat Romans 6:23 after me it turns into "For the wedgies of sin is death....."  

Kelsey's first birthday was a bit confusing for him~ but by the second he had been to enough others to get the concept down. I held him on my lap~ helped him open the first present,he gave it a cursory look over,and tried to dive on the next package..it made us all crack up anyway. As if he said "nice gift ,now the next!" ...one of the packages held those soft foam balls in the colors of sherbert ice cream,he took one look and made his "feed me" mouth signal.

Little Susie, 5 years old, was outside playing with her friends. She came in and asked her grandma a question. "Grandma, what's it's called when a boy and girl are in the bedroom and the boy is on top of the girl?" Grandma didn't want to answer, but she thought it was a good time to educate her granddaughter on the subject. Grandma said, "Sweetie, that is called intercourse."  Susie thanked her grandma and went back outside to play. A few minutes later Susie came running back into the house. "Grandma, it's not intercourse, it's bunk beds! And Sally's mom wants to talk to you, right now."

We had the opposite reaction with our bunch.  They'd open one present and ignore the rest.  When you'd try to take it and replace it with another gift they'd have a fit.  After all, a toy in the hand is worth more than a whole bunch of colorful boxes. 

Telling on Marks crew again.  When Cassie was about two, if you asked her how cold it was, she'd tell you "It's FEEZIN ass cold"

When Kati was five, I caught her in a department store staring at the 'down' escalator with a puzzled look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she put her hands on hips, looked up at me and asked, "Mommy, what to they do when the floor gets full of stairs?"

My mother warned me against my colorful way of expressing myself at times~ back then I was a bit more "salty" in the language department. Sure enough one of Chris first phrases was a curse~ said in the exact tone of my mother...heh... it was "G** d** it". She was mortified.

In Kelsey's defense ~ he was surrounded,poor boy,by young girls several years older than him. They had all by that time to know the value of those shiny boxes~LOL.

One day his older brother and one of the aforesaid girls were ignoring him and playing some game on T.V.~ a xbox type thing. He watched them,smiled a lot, but they kept ignoring them...so he slowly slid up to the wires going from controller to the box... and yanked. That got their attention all right!

When my oldest was two years old she pointed up to the top of the refrigerated and said: mina mini mees.

 It was where we kept a suppy of my favortie candy. Ever since that's what we've called  M & M's.  And Burger King is King Burger.

--virgil

The color of a banana peel was lello to one daughter and yeyyo to the other.   The second one I can understand--cleft palate.

Kids are Great !!

--virgil

I've told this once before but I'll retell it now.  Cat probably doesn't want me to, but that's too bad

One day Catherine and her preschool son was doing some deep cleaning because the Vegas Grandma was coming for a visit.

In the course of cleaning out a cabinet they found a plastic spider which was so real that it gave Cat a momentary scare.    She asked the preschooler, "where did this come from" and he said, "it's a fishing lure Mama". 

Then they got to talking about how they could scare various people with the fake spider.  Cat said "Why don't we put it on the counter top next to the coffee pot, then when Grandma Norma goes to make coffee she'll see it and get scared".

Her four year old laughed and said "Yeah, I bet she'll really lick a brick".

*  Hey he didn't get it from me.

I remember once when my brothers and I decided to rig a fake spider to fall in front of my mom when she came in the door with the groceries. She dam near gave birth, and she threw groceries all over the place. It took us forever to clean up the applesauce and the mayo that were in glass jars that shattered. She didn't speak to any of us for days, but we couldn't quit laughing.

A friends daughter used to call Vally Plaza "Vazzy Plazzy" and would tell you she was about to fass out.

My niece used to call grasshoppers "assboppers."

I kept another friends toddler while the friend had surgery.  She called horses wabbies.  I kept telling her no..horsies until she got it.  I got in big trouble because her family loved it when she said wabbies.  And here I was so proud of setting her straight.

I never did anything like that again because what they say won't last forever and I want to just enjoy it while I can.

Thanks everyone.  This is very enjoyable and each story reminds some of us of other funny or lovable things kids do and say.

My son invented a new superhero the other day.  He was running across the back yard as fast as his little legs would carry him, back and forth, and he yelled to me, "Hey Mama!  I'm super fast!"  I said, "Yeah.  You ARE super fast!"  And he said, "No, I'm a superhero and my name is Superfast!"  I said "Well, what are your superpowers?" and he said... "I run fast, duh!"

[And he absolutely, positively did not learn "duh" from me.]

assboppers!     Now I know why I'm so afraid of those little boogers.

Oh duh!

WHEN I WAS YOUNG I STAYED AT MY AUNTS HOUSE IN BUFFALO WYOMING SHE HAD A HARD BOUND COPY OF"KIDS SAY THE DARNEST THINGS" BY ART LINKLETTER WHO"S SHOW I USE TO WATCH

When my youngest first discovered that he liked ice in his orange juice, he went through a phase of cheerfully saying "Ice! Juice!" At least, I knew that's what he meant. However, to the non-mommy-I-know-what-you-mean ear, it sounded like "Die! Jews!" 

He once repeated this over and over with glee while we were shopping. Oh, the looks, LOL!!!

LOL Vanity!!!  That was too funny!

My son just told me the other say that his teacher told him he couldn't say "Dang" at school.  I couldn't believe it.  I had to work HARD to switch to "dang" from  #($*!(&@*!@& !!!!

Funny baby story:  Earlier this winter, when she was about 11 months old, we had a fire in the fireplace (real, wood-burning fireplace, and we roasted marshmallows.  Well, I roasted about two marshmallows per person and then put the bag away.  A little later I saw the baby sitting on the floor, delicately nibbling on a marshmallow, and I took it away from her, worried that she would choke on it.  A little while later I saw her with another marshmallow, wondered where she got it from, found the bag of marshmallows on the kitchen floor (still to this day don't know how they got there.)  I went up to the baby and said, "Sister!  Give me that marshmallow!"  Well, she took off running (had only learned to walk about a month earlier) and fell forward, flat on her face.  I stood there for a second, expecting her to get up and run again, but she didn't.  She just laid there on the floor, face down.  I suddenly panicked, thinking she had really hurt herself, and I picked her up and she was shoving that marshmallow into her mouth with both hands, as fast as she could.

Smart girl you have there Cat~ that one makes me recall the great Peanut Cookie Batter Episode of 1990. Kelsey thought knew I was the provider of all things tasty and had given him all the possible good things to eat that existed .Then as I made peanut butter cookies a friend got a spoon and fed him a bit.....boy if looks could kill! He made to stand up( he still thought it might just work one day back then), sat back in my friends lap and yelled at  me~ then the killer, real honest tears.I made various cookies for the next 3 months. He got to taste them all.

My son was about 3 at the time, and it was an evening that he was being dropped of at the grandparents so that my wife and I could have an evening out. We told him to clean up the train set he was playing with in his room earlier, so that we wouldn't step on it when we came home with him. We left his room and continued getting ready while he cleaned. He eventually came out and we finished getting ready. When we went into his room to grab his coat, we saw that the train set was still on the floor. So I asked him, "Griffin, didn't we tell you to clean up your train set?"
 

He looked down at it, hung his head, and said "oh s**t." The way he looked down and said it in the most world-weary exasperated way, I didn't know if I should laugh, scold him, or congratulate him on using a new word correctly in a sentence. My wife just looked at me with the same look, and we both shrugged and got him into his coat. We decided that we would say something to him if he ever used that word again, but he never has.

Nancy,

When my oldest Son was pre-school aged, (maybe 5 years old) I came home from work one Wednesday evening and the TV had gone out. We'd had it for over 10 years and the picture had turned all green. Wife and I decided that after dinner, we'd all run to Walmart and buy another one.

Our Son was extremely upset about this whole impromptu thing. I sat him on my knee and asked him what was the matter. He replied "Dad, we can't just go and buy a new TV. We didn't PLAN to do it". After a 10 minute conversation with him, explaining that, yes we can, and  it'll be OK and that he could help me pick out a new one, he reluctantly agreed that it might be alright............

We still laugh about it today. He's 6 foot, 205lbs. and 17 years old now................

You were holding out on him, Sage.  ; )

Frankly, the way you talk about food makes me feel the same way.  Cookies?  I'm there!

Earlier today we were at my Mom's house and the baby wanted a snack so I got her a little dish of Cheezits (not the best, I know, but Grandma's got LOTS of goodies at HER house haha.)  We went back outside to Grandma and my son and I told her to sit down on the grass and I set the dish on her lap and went back in the house.  My Mom's chihuahua, Baby, LOVES Cheezits, so she ran over and snarfled up most of them and next thing I know the baby's screaming and running back toward the house, pointing at the dog.  Wail!  Point!  Wail!  Point!

This is the girl that gets tackled by her brother and shrugs it off.  This is the girl that gets toys snatched away from her by her brother and walks off.  But the dog stealing her Cheezits?  No Way!  That's WAR!  So I got her more Cheezits.

The story has a happy ending because when she and the dog were full on Cheezits they left them there on the grass and a big bluejay swooped down and carried them off to the fence and ate them.  Mom said, "I think that bird just killed a butterfly and ate it."  I said, "Geez.  The 'circle of life" in your own backyard."  Then I said, "Mom, that's a Cheezit."  Meanwhile, a little brown finch sat on the opposite fence, forlornly looking at the jaybird-guarded Cheezits, sighing.  

Vanity, I caused a similar red-faced moment for my mother when I was a child in first grade. There was another child in class with the last name of Ju who was a big bully. When I saw him at a department store, I muttered "I hate that Ju"... well, you can only imagine what my mother thought I'd said. Obviously, her reaction left an impression since I still remember it decades later.

Kids are great, I must admit. My nephews are the cutest things. The youngest, Jonathan, who will be 3 next month, invited me to his house last Sunday for "carbequed snake" (BBQed steak) and has called me "Uncle Donuts" since he could speak. What would you call the guy who brings the pastries to church each Sunday?

Jared, the older of the boys is more cerebral and has invented more games than he has names for them, he takes great joy in trying to teach Uncle Rick the rules to each and every one.

I have to tell one that still turns me red when my Mom tells it. When I was but a wee lad, she said we were going to run some errands. Shopping finished, we turned into the driveway of an unfamiliar house. I innocently asked, "Mommy, what's this place?" She said she was going to the landlord's to pay rent. When the door opened and the landlord took Mom's check, I stuck my head out the window and yelled "Hi Rent!" to the man. I had NO idea why my Mom had tears in her eyes and was laughing so hard when she came back to the car...

Another grandson story.

He was playing his batman video game this morning before school.   He was very excited that he was winning,  so Cat said,
"wow, you're really kicking butt".

He said, "No I'm not, I'm really kicking ass".  Cat had to explain to him why he couldn't use that term.

Hey, he doesn't get it from me.  Back in my day the word butt was a huge no no.  We used the term bottom to refer to someone's posterior.  I was "SHOCKED" the first time I heard the word "butt" used in polite society by my  "black sheep" aunt.    The funny thing is, when my Dad got aggravated or frustrated he used SOB all the time and I didn't even flinch at that.

I had just bought my 4yr old grandaughter a pink barbie toothbrush and the pink barbie toothpaste to match, she couldn't find the toothpaste,so I told her to use her 4yr old cousins blue spiderman toothpaste until we found hers., she said "NO it doesn't match my toothbrush,and its for boys."! 

Audrey, I remember those days, when my mom would threaten me with soap in the mouth for saying "butt" even though my best friend said it all the time. Likewise, my dad's cuss of choice was SOB, especially when he was working on the car. That sounded good, so I tried it once when I was working on my bike. I distinctly remember my mom yelling at my dad because I said it, and I couldn't understand why she was mad at him for something I said!

My age 3 or so  son once saw a really tall man at the grocery store.  I mean super tall.  Not a profoundly fat fellow but really really tall with a proportionate overall body size.  Unfortunately this guy's clothes were not quite large enough for him.  His shirt was too short although I'm sure it was at least size XX large.  Also his jeans did not come up high enough to reach his waistline.  The result was the most flagrant case of perpetual Plumber's crack you could ever imagine.  Well sonny boy took one look at that and his eyes went wide and he said....."Oh look at that big butt!!!"  I attempted to flee the immediate area and shush his comments all the while he's screaming "Go back go back I want to see that big butt!!!!!"   My son was relentless in his demands and I could hardly get him quiet enough to explain how improper it is to stare at or comment about other people's butts.  He did eventually  learn better manners and I am happy to report he was voted the most polite 7th grader in Jr high.

Gee Mom.  Now the whole world knows my son is a cussmonster.

(And I heard you say ass just yesterday.)  ; )

One of the other sons is a relentless daredevil.  He's been a climber and  a jumper since he could crawl.  This child is scary (for me) fearless.  He also has absolutely no concept of pain.  Nothing hurts this kid.  We were in the wilds of Colorado on a camping trip when he was three.   We had met up with some friends at their cabin for dinner.  It had been raining and the "monkey" was climbing on the OUTSIDE of the front porch railings.  Well he slipped on the wet wood decking and fell about six feet into a flowerbed overgrown with native plants.  There he managed to hit his head on a hidden basketball size rock.  "I no hurt . Mommy, I no hurt" he assures me as I remove his hat to inspect his head.  There is about an inch long cut on the top of his head and it is bleeding just enough so that I decide he needs stitches.   Here we are 40 miles from the nearest town down a rut filled dirt road and it is almost dark.  So I just disinfected the cut and took some hairs from one side of his cut and tied them in knots with some hairs from the other side of his cut and handed him his crayons and a coloring book.   He was happy as could be.   Later back at our camp site I had to take his hat off to lift the car seat strap over his head and lift him out of his car seat.   He is holding his hat, looks down and sees the circular blood stain inside it and says....."OOOOOHHH something happened to my hat"   

sys mom

Maybe he did Plumbers Crack a favor by letting him know what was happening behind his back.

Cat  I'm sure my use of ass was in reference to Jesus'  entrance into Jerusalem.

arizboy6 ------ I remember that book.   I think Reader's Digest sometimes contained exerpts from it.  Art L. used to  have children on his show and he would ask them questions.  Very often their answers were just too funny.  http://www.youtube.com/watc...   I remember watching his show when I was little.  My first inkling of how illegal drugs could hurt a family came from watching that show and my mom telling me Art's child had jumped out of a window and died because of using LSD.  I remember being sad for him and his family.    http://www.nndb.com/people/...

I have a cousin who was always a climber/jumper.  One early Sunday morning, my uncle awoke to the sounds of my cousin crying out in distress "mommy.....daddy."  My uncle and his wife got up and started looking for her all over the house.  They could still hear her crying, but couldn't find her.  Finally, my uncle walked out the back door, looked up, and there was my 2-year old cousin sitting on the roof of the house!  She had climbed a trellis, and from there, to the roof.  Before my uncle could react, she cried out "Daddy, catch me!" and launched herself off the roof, straight at my uncle.  To this day, he says the pain he felt in his chest when she hit, must be what it feels like to be shot!

Hey you guys.  These are some fntastic stories.  Keep it up and we'll have enough to publish our own book and we can all share in the profits.  WhooHooo.

Well then.....here's one on me. apparently my first sentence was " I do it myself". That may come as no surprise to some of you~  :-)

uh oh.  Now we're tattling on ourselves.  I must have been a year or so old when I found my mothers wedding rings and chewed them up.  They got them mostly straightened up but you could always she the crinkles.  In later years Daddy bought her a new set with more diamonds and she put those away. 

When they were both gone I got them because of the family story about them.  The diamond is gone but the crinkles remain so I put them in a shadow box with some of her other things as a reminder that I was a trouble maker even that far back.  

I was perfect as a child.  : P

Why do I question that?....lol

LOL Sage.  I'd better watch out or Mom will be forced to tell a story...or two.

My 4-year-old was just playing in his fort outside and I said, "Hey.  Why don't you push Sister in her swing?"

And he said, "You do it.  I'm not your maid."

[SNAP!  Yeah, he learned that one from me]

Ouch... but they do know when to repeat back what they have heard!

I was perfect as a child.  : P

Get out the boots and shovel...it's getting DEEP in here...!  ;D