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How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

Evangelicals?

Evangelicals don't change lightbulbs ... they read the instructions and hope the lightbulbs will change themselves.

Agnostics?

10, as they need to debate whether or not the lightbulb
exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the lightbulb they may
not go ahead and change it for fear of alienating those who use
fluorescent tubes.

Conservative Anglicans?

Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest that the
person changing it is a woman!

Unitarians?

We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against
the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found
that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your
light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in
which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including
incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are
equally valid paths to luminescence.

Baptists?

At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees
to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Methodists?

Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely
out, you are loved-- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.
Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 18. Bring bulb
of your choice and a covered dish.

Hare Krishnas?

10, one to change the lightbulb and 9 to dance, sing and play the tambourine while it is being changed

Quakers?

Ten to sit around in a circle and wait for the inner light

Amish?

What's a light bulb?

Jehovas Witnesses?

 None. The lights are on but no one's home.

Mormons?

Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

And finally ...

How many Orthodox does it take to change a lightbulb?

Orthodox? Change? HA!