Another strange story is in the news today.  A man brandishing a replica samurai-style sword, and a toy gun walked into the Dreyer’s Ice Cream plant Wednesday morning and started threatening people with it.  Of course they did what any one would do – they laughed at him.  He didn’t care for that.  When another employee asked him ‘what was up’ replied, “I'll show you what's up” and smashed a Plexiglas display case. Ooooo scary. 

Next he grabbed a woman and put the sword to her throat, and she was all ‘Dude, I think you cut me’ then she walked off to find a band aid.  (Oh my gawd, too funny.) It gets better.

Another employee traps the guy in a small storage room and begin begins to spray him with water from a hose.  (hahahahaha)  While he’s being hosed down, the guy continues “jabbing his sword through the seam between the double doors.”  (hahahahahah!)  Then, the dude drops his toy gun and it shatters on the ground.  (hahahahahaha.) Sounds like a scene from a Mel Brooks movie. 

Want to know the funniest part of the news article?  One of the men that helped subdue Mr. Coocoo was quoted as saying, “This is Bakersfield, This kind of stuff happens somewhere else.”

Actually dude, this is exactly the kind of stuff that happens here.

I was catching up on some blog reading this morning when I came across this post about anti Bush slogans. (I like #24.) One of them reminded me of a bumper sticker I saw recently. I tried to get a picture of it, but they got away before I could. The sticker read, “If you can read this, Thank a Teacher. If you’re reading it in English, Thank a Solider.” Okay, that’s nice and all and I understand the sentiment, but come on… the sticker is written in English. It’d be kind of hard to read it in German.

Some of you may remember the co-worker I complained about a few months ago because all he does is play solitaire.  Yeah, he’s still doing that and it still drives me crazy, but now I’ve got something else to bitch about.

The dude has got to be pushing 60 and topping off somewhere around 300 pounds. Pluse he smokes!!  He literally looks like a heart attack waiting to happen.  I once saw him turn red and start break out in sweat from walking to the copy machine.  The copy machine is about ten steps away from his desk.  The thing that bothers me most is that every single day he goes to out to lunch and gets the biggest, fattest, nastiest cheeseburger he can find and washes it down with a gallon of soda.  So why should I care what he eats?

His office is right next door to mine! If I end up having to give his fat ass CPR I’m going to be really pissed.

You know it’s time to worry about the people in your community when the paper publishes an article telling them they “need to cross roads only at street corners and marked crosswalks, and drivers, if they do hit someone, need to stop.” Gee, ya think?

I don’t think it’s all that surprising we’ve had an increase in hit and runs given the population explosion in Bakersfield over the past few years. More drivers equals more drivers who shouldn’t be driving. Period. If you have to be told to stop after you run someone down in the road, you just shouldn’t be driving.

The same goes for the idiots wandering around in the streets. I saw a woman jaywalking on 34^th Street the other day with her two teenaged children in tow. When a car slowed down lest run them over, she actually glared at the driver and deliberately slowed her pace. I felt like hitting her myself. Not with the car of course. More like a slap upside the head.

Nice way to teach your children how to cross the street.

There’s a man that I work with who does something strange every day.  Or at least I think it’s strange.  He’s a nice man and I like him.  Every morning when I walk into work he is sitting in the same spot and I say, “Good morning Jake” and he says, “Good morning Bake!” and that’s it.  That is the extent of our relationship, and I like it that way.  But I have to admit I am dying to ask him about the strange thing he does.

The strange thing he does is word searches.  Everyday he sits there with his Big Book O’ Word Searches and circles letters.  Every few days he has a new book.  Obviously there are stranger things out there, but just don’t get the point of word searches.  Crossword puzzles – okay, I get that.  But word searches??  There is absolutely no value to them, and this dude is hooked on them.  Granted there are worse habits.  Crack.  Hookers.  Peanut butter. Whatever.  Those habits I can understand.  But word searches?

The only thing word searches are good for is straining the eyes

Photographic proof that Bakersfield is behind the times when it comes to recycling. This is a recycling container on the corner in Ventura.

I wonder how many years it’ll be before see something like this here.

A local family is suing the Bakersfield City School district after they were told their son and his helper dog are not welcome at school.  (Sounds very Mary Had a Little Lamb doesn’t it?)  The funny thing is the boy went to Thorner Elementary and the dogs name is Thor!  I don’t see why they couldn’t just make the dog their mascot and call it day.

The boy uses the dog to help with his autism.  His parents say the difference the dog has been remarkable.  Unfortunately too many people still associate service animals only with the blind.  According to the Delta Society,  these animals can be trained to help people with spinal cord/head trauma (injury, stroke),  visual or hearing deficits, arthritis,  ataxia/poor balance, multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy,  spina bifida, seizure disorders, cardio/pulmonary disease, Arteriovascular disease (primary or secondary to diabetes, etc.),  and psychiatric disabilities just to name a few. 

Maybe it’s time for the Bakersfield City School District to start educating themselves.

Remember those crazy stickers that used to come in MAD Magazine? Here's a few more.

Thanks to my friend in San Diego, I just learned about the Bead for Life organization.    I just ordered two necklaces.  I’d love to see this idea spread.   Now you men out there can’t say you don’t know what to get your wife. 

What woman isn’t going to love the idea of helping other women across the world?

Jesse didn’t care for it as much as I did because he said he was worried about getting green mint leaves caught in his teeth. He’s very priggish like that.

They had a special that night of seared scallops, so of course we ordered it. It was excellent.

Despite the fact that Jesse was cheating on his diet and I was starving, we still didn’t manage to eat it all. Perhaps that was because were too busy talking.

Thanks Jesse! I had fun!!

I watched a show about Evel Knievel on the history channel last week. He is one crazy dude, as I’ve said before. During the show they showed a kid playing with his Evel Knievel action figure and its motorcycle. I remember watching boys play with those and being jealous. I wanted to jump the motorcycle too. I also wanted a Six-Million Dollar Man doll and a Big Wheel, but I never got them. How come the boys got all the cool toys?

I was talking to a friend about all this and of course it turned into a conversation about all things having to do with growing up in the 70’s. Like that crazy show H.R. Pufnstuf – a dragon with a nutty hill billy accent. Personally I found him to be sort of creepy. Of course I thought Capt Kangaroo was creepy too.

Then my friend asked me if I remembered Uncle Woody’s Toy Circus and his afternoon TV show. I had forgotten all about it. I did remember that it burned down. That was sad. Apparently Uncle Woody is still around.

Another friend mentioned the slip n slide recently. The idea was to run and dive face first onto a wet sheet of plastic, causing you to slide across the surface. More often than not I’d do a belly flop and just end up having the wind knocked out of me. If I did manage to slip ‘n slide I would usually just keep going and end up with grass stains on my face. I’m happy to see they finally made an improvement on that idea.

Why were the toys in the 70’s so dangerous? Remember Klackers? That was really more of a weapon. And the Lemon Twist. I can’t tell you how many times I limped home from school after bashing that damn lemon into my ankle over and over again. I guess I wasn’t very coordinated.

Another toy I remember wanting but never getting was a Baby Alive. I don’t know why I would want a plastic doll that eats and poops. I think it was because I had a friend who had a one. That fake baby poop was actually pretty nasty. I'm surprised to see they’re still making them. Same with Shrinky Dinks.

Another thing I miss from the 70s is the Wide World of Sports. I loved the theme song and watching that skier wipe out. Remember what the narrator said? “Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport… the thrill of victory… and the agony of defeat… the human drama of athletic competition… this is ABC's Wide World of Sports!” And Howard Cosell! I miss his annoying voice.

I know there’s more out that I forgot, so tell me...what toys, shows, or what have you do you remember and miss from the 70s?