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Meet the Bloggers: Kern County Family of 4: Episode 4

Play catch-up here:

http://people.bakersfield.c...

The VH-1 cameras are rolling.  This time, the camera crew rolls the cameras into the spare room, where Billy Baker is practicing his guitar. Ed Baker, Billy’s father, is intolerant of noise (except that of his own making), and so, he stormed in just as Billy is wailing out what he believes to be one of the “awesomist” guitar solos of he’s ever mastered. 

“What the hell do you think this is---a rock n roll wasteland?”  His father’s “rage-aholic” tendencies were wearing on Billy.  Billy's latest approach with his dysfunctional dad was to use psychology on him. 

“Dad, you want me to be successful don’t you?”  He hesitated briefly, to gather his thoughts, and apply a sound strategy (no pun intended).  Then he continued.  

"Why dad, just the other day, you said to play with as much passion as allRED puts forth in his blogs.  This is something I love, and something I have lots of passion for, just like the kind of passion allRED has for the Bible.  I want to be a rock star, dad. 

Do you have a problem with that?  I want to do one of those 90-day tours across the world.  I want to play on a big stage and have lots of gold records.  What’s wrong with that?  At least I’m ambitious. "

After reading the last Bakotopia mag, I’ve decided I want to audition for Adema.  I could make dad, you know I could."

Ed calmed down, as he often did when he experienced the type of narcissistic gratification that could only come by his son quoting him. 

“Well, that’s true, son, but I was thinking maybe you could play in the church praise and worship team.  I never thought you’d get caught up in that hardcore new wave nihilistic crap, like Korn and Adema.”

“It’s not new wave, dad, it’s nu metal, spelled “nu” with that little mark above the u.  And I thought you valued family values, dad.  That's what the Family Values Tour involves.  You said that I needed to abandon my recalcitrant, nihilistic attitude, and adopt some family values, so I went ahead and bought tickets for me and my girlfriend.  Besides, Jesse’s blog over at Bakotopia said…”

“I know what Jesse’s blog said.”  So much for basking in a renewed, halcyon state of calm.  Ed’s face grew flush again, as the muscles in his neck began to stiffen and he clenched his fists.  “Jesse lists ‘boobies’ and ‘Amy Lee of Evanescence is hot!’ as reasons to go to that concert.  That doesn’t sound much like family values to me, and you’re not going---period.   And no more reading random's comments or mattloch's blogs.  Those are forbidden."

"Why because they actually think for themselves?  Heaven forbid that your son would think for himself and not be some flippin' conforming zombie. I swear, you sound like frickin' Bill O'Reilly."

"Oh, Really?  And what's wrong with Bill O'Reilly?  Why don't you just stop it with the nihilistic recalcitrance, Billy, before I..."  Ed looked at Julie's warning glance, then steered clear, away from his burgeoning threat. 

"Why don’t you read Dr BLT’s interview with Brian Welch?  Head left the band because of families values—family values and faith.”

“He left the band because he was all caught up in the meth scene, dad.  The whole band has family values.  Jonathon Davis, my guitar hero, by the way, has a kid, or two himself.”

“Really? And what kind of example is Davis holding up for his kids?  Korn’s music is all about destroying everything of value---God, family, country, the whole enchilada."

“Yeah, this country is really godly, dad,” Billy quipped sarcastically.   “Haven’t you read JBertia’s blog?  Just because a country is big and powerful doesn’t mean the county is moral.  What are those important traits he mentions…something about truth and justice and peace…human rights…?”

Ed butted in before Billy could complete his sentence.  “Human rights!  Now that’s a laugh.  I swear, anarchist adolescents like you really make me sick.  Sycophantic lickspittles, all of you---sucking up to the left.  They spout off about human rights, but notice how conspicuously mum they become when you talk about rights for Arab women. 

Have you heard what those Arab men, those Muslims, do to their women?” 

Now Ed was clearly every bit as passionate as his hero, allRED, was known to become while blogging.  And he was growing increasingly eager to disabuse his son of the propaganda he had fallen victim to, yet, even in the midst of the reality-show-imposed media restrictions placed upon him for the sake of the show. 

“Yeah dad, I know how Muslims treat women---it sounds a little bit like the way right-wing Christians treat their women.  Aren’y you dudes constantly quoting Paul when he talks about wives submitting to their husbands”?

“Not true,” Ed declared, in an unequivocal tone.  Christians value their women and treat them with the utmost respect.  Didn’t you read Samheath’s blog?  Why, from the beginning of time, as heath put it, men, and his taking about men from the Bible and Bible-believing men like me---we’ve been acting like poets, saying all of these sweet, romantic things about our wives.”    

Julie, (who had been wanting to rescue the children from Ed’s rage, and restore what was left of her family, ever since she had signed up for a class on Family Systems at Bakersfield City College), was listening to their conversation from outside the door.  She opened the door and stepped inside, determinedly, yet, gingerly. 

She hesitated as she gathered the courage to confront her husband.  “Ed,” she said.  “you’re one to talk about the rights of women, and the treasuring and savoring of said wives.  Haven’t you checked out twinkie’s blog?  After being married for 9 years, her husband still opens the door for her.” 

“Well, Jules,” Ed replied, defensively, “we’ve been married for 19, and, to be perfectly blunt, it feels more like 90.  Yes, I’ve read twinkie’s blog, and I agree.  Believe me, I’m the last one you’ll find complaining about old-fashioned chivalry. 

But you always act like such a liberated woman.  Who wants to open the door for a feminazi---a red-diapered doper baby?”  Both Billy and Janet now held their heads down, dreading another showdown between their parents. 

“Ffff…screw you, Ed.  You almost made me say the “F” word.  If I’m a feminazi, and a red-diapered doper baby, then you’re a bigoted, bilious, bald, bumptious bastard.” 

The tone of Mrs. Baker’s voice simply did not match the incendiary content of her retort.   Apart from the words she used, an outsider would never have been able to tell that she was angry and upset.   

“As I’m sure you’re well aware, mister,” she added, carefully sustaining her monotone diatribe, “…this reality show only allows us to access Bakersfield.com and Bakotopia.com.  If you ask me, I think you’re listening to Rush again, or one of those conservative talk shows on KNZR, 1560.”

“Rush is cool.”  Have you heard their latest CD?  Bush is cool too—not the prez, the band.”  Billy loved to interrupt is parents when they argued. 

Billy parents both cast a brief, puzzled glance in Billy’s direction.  Then they looked back at one another, each trying to figure out where they left off in the argument before they were so rudely interrupted. 

Julie Baker continued.   

“You need to read this stuff on gender roles and gender ideology I’m reading for my class.”  Jules was interrupted. 

“Oh no, here we go again!  You know what they say about a little knowledge being dangerous.  Well, here comes one of your insipid little knowledge explosions,” Ed said, in a tone of marked disdain.  

 “Excuse me." Julie cleared her throat loudly.  "I was talking,” Mrs. Baker replied assertively.  She continued, “If you only understood just how much your prudish parents indoctrinated you, based upon their own biased values, their own stereotypes, their own personality characteristics, and their own attitudes towards differential gender roles, then you wouldn’t be so damned dogmatic and pig-headed.  

Even when the men waxed poetic in those biblical stories in Genesis, Song of Solomon, and in those books of the Bible that Samheath alludes to, they did so in a way that is woefully patronizing towards women. 

They, along with you, haven’t seemed to have had the benefit of society’s evolving understanding of women, in accordance with the feminist movement.  They had an excuse.  It was the old days.  You don't!  We all need to work towards overcoming gender inequalities and stereotypes.  Goldenberg and Goldenberg suggest that these inequalities and stereotypes limit psychological functioning for both sexes.” 

Janet, who was in the other room, reading jinxie’s blog at Bakotopia.com---something about a little Mexican cross dresser, had been listening to her brother practice at the same time.  When she noticed he had stopped playing guitar, she grew curious, got up from her computer desk, and trotted off to the spare room. 

“Billy, was that a cover of a Three Chord Whore tune you were playing?”

Billy was clearly glad that somebody had paid attention to his playing.  “Yes, Janet, it was, he replied, and I thought it would be easy since it had only 3 chords, but it’s really quite a tricky piece, no pun intended.”

Ed was shocked at the phrase his daughter had just tossed at her brother.

“Damitjanet! Three Chord Whore? Where did you learn to talk like that, young lady?!”  Ed’s tone was obviously demanding judgmental. 

“Please dad,” Billy replied, “It’s just a local rock band.  You take everything so literally, including that Bible of yours, now pointing to the big, as-yet-unread family Bible collecting dust on top of the tiny corner book shelf. 

Ed grabbed the Bible abruptly, and held it up over his head with his now white-knuckled right hand.  “Why, I ought to hit you over the head with it, and knock some sense into that nihilistic mind of yours.”

Billy knew his dad was all bark and no bite.  “Dad, now that you have your hand on the Bible, do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”

Ed tried to keep a straight face, but he couldn’t hold back.  He began to break out in uncontrollable laughter.  Before you know it, the whole family was laughing.  For a moment, brief though that moment may have been, the Bakers were beginning to look and feel more like a Leave-it-to-Beaver family, and less like the Bakers.

That was before Ed looked towards Billy's guitar case and spotted Billy's stash of hash. 

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***For those engaged in a quest to find the real meaning and hidden significance underlying this piece of magic realism-based fact meets fiction, I’d recommend reading Otto Rank and especially his writings on  the contest between life and death.  Rank felt we have a "life instinct" that pushes us to become individuals, competent and independent, and a "death instinct" that pushes us to be part of a family, community, or humanity.  He further believed that we feel a certain fear of these two.  The "fear of life" is the fear of separation, loneliness, and alienation.  The "fear of death" is the fear of getting lost in the whole, stagnating, being no-one.  The tension inherent in the juxtaposition of these phenomena, and the concomitant fears that are produced is the theme of this series. 

***The particular technique I am using to create this blog lit is magic realism as applied to literature.  For more information on magic realism, a technique originally applied in the visual arts.  For more information:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wik...