Location: Phoenix, AZ 85029

Hey,

I know you expected me to say Albuquerque, but there have been quite a few changes going on that sent us to Phoenix, AZ. 

In case any of you wish to keep up on the latest about Cameron and I , I have a blog that I've been writing in that you might want to check into from time to time:  http://pweckerley.blogspot....

We miss all of you and wish we could have brought you with us.  The people in Phoenix are about as open and friendly as those in LA.  It's a big contrast from the wonderful friends we made in Albuquerque who, like the rest of the people there, greeted us like family. 

I'll try to check in on the blogs here now and then to see what you're all up to. 

Thank you for your friendship and help through all the tough days of Cameron's accident last year. 

-Patti

 

My aunt and uncle from Vancouver are visiting for a week.  Thankfully, they are staying at my parent's place as I am having a terrible time with all the sorting and packing that needs to be done.  Namely, actually getting started.  OK, I have started, but it's been 2 weeks since I did anything productive in that direction.  It seems like between work, trying to get the article written, working on the online magazine and podcast, looking for a job and apartment in Albuquerque, and then having relatives visiting (that I really want to spend time with), I feel like there's just no time.

How or where do I begin?  I know something somewhere has to give as there is just no more time to be divied up.  The article should have been done Friday, but the editor requested some additional information.  The relatives will be gone Thursday.   I'm playing telephone tag with a couple of apartment managers that I need some clarification from so am at a standstill until I hear from them.  There is still that awfully long job app. for the University of New Mexico that I need to finish up.  I guess what I'm saying is that I'm tired.

If only there were 2 of me, just temporarily.  It would be so nice.  Hmm...maybe I should really take a look at what is important, do it, then go to the next one on the list.  Prioritize.  Perhaps ultra-multi-tasking is not for me.  Too many plates in the air and I don't have the skills to keep them spinning. 

I know I can't keep everyone in my life happy and that their happiness does not depend on my actions, BUT (there's always one of these, isn't there?), there's such a short time before my world is splintered and reformed.  I just want everything and everyone to go with the flow and work out...yes, work out the way I want it to.  Hmmm...

I want to know that I have a place to move into, before I get to Albuquerque.  I want to know that I have a job, or at least some way to make some income.  I want to know that Madeline will be OK and not feel like I'm leaving her hanging (we've talkied about this, but I still feel guilty-I know, it's just my stuff).  I want to know that everything is going to be OK, with me, with everyone. 

Maybe it's that fear that has me running around in circles.  Unable to commit to completing the tasks that take me in the inevitable direction of that difficult rebirth.  You could say that I don't want to greet my new world "butt-first".  Is it possible to traverse the road ahead with my eyes open and prepared for what's around the corner?  Am I trying to control something that cannot be controlled or am I merely planning ahead?

I try to embrace the adventure.  It seems to slip between my fingers as I grasp at it, flowing into and blending with the sand at my feet.  Where does the adventure begin and the anxious toil end?  They seem to be one and the same.  That fear seeps in around the edges and makes the whole scene blurry so it's even harder to see the differences.  Fear or tears that blur?  Tears from fear or fatigue?  Where do I begin?

I'm working on a magazine article about Bakersfield bugs and am looking for some local input.  Most of my information is from the internet, scholarly stuff.  I'd love to hear about some of your bug adventures.

Experiences with white flies, aphids, bees, the dreaded: glassy-winged sharpshooter, butterflies, dragonflies are top on my list.  Also, if you have a particularly interesting insect situation, that would be good, too.

Besides the bug article, I'm just frantically trying to get everything together for our move to New Mexico. It looks like our actual move date will be May 31st.  Madeline graduates May 28th and then we hit the road.  She's staying in town as her boyfriend is in a local band and so she'll be with my parents for a little while.  It's hard to think of her being 18, graduating, and being so far away from her.

We're going to get rid of most of our stuff since it'll just be us doing the moving.  I used to do alot of cake decorating and have a bunch of pans and such.  If anyone out there is, or knows someone, who is into all that, send them my way.  I'll probably hit Craig's list and the classifieds for the rest of the stuff.  It seems like there's so much to do and time just keeps right on slipping by.  The sorting part is probably the worst time sucker, aside from the apartment searching. 

It's an interesting undertaking to find a job and a place to live in a long-distance manner.  Thank goodness for the internet!  By process of elimination, there are 3 apartments that I'm trying for.  There are many really nice complexes that accept pets (take a hint apartment owners in B-town), but they only allow 2.  We have 3 that we are taking with us, one will be staying here with my parents, so it's been difficult and time-consuming to call them all and get the pet policies.  Of course, the one I really want has a 100% occupancy rate, they fill as soon as they are vacant, because of their pet policies.  They accept large dogs, as well as small, and don't charge a pet rent like most of the other ones do.  Pet rent can range from $10-40 a month per pet!  That can really jack up the monthly payment.

Well, all you backyard gardeners, please share your stories.  I would love to hear them and I'm sure others would, as well.  Thank you!

 

 

Location: Albuquerque, NM

It's definitely been awhile since I last posted anything.  After Cameron's accident, recovery, in all aspects of our lives, has been the central focus.  In that mode of existence tunnel vision easily forms, and it's difficult to look outside the confinement of being "the care-giver".  Over time, I have had to relearn to live.  I'm still not where I was before, but at least I'm nearing the end and warm daylight lies ahead of me. 

Punctured lungs don't always heal to their previous level of functioning.  Add to that a long history of asthma, and this "wonderful" Bakersfield air, and you have a very uncomfortable person.  It's kind of lonely suffering alone, so add in a wife with no history of asthma, but chronic respiratory problems, and ... well... you can imagine.  So, we have decided to get out of Dodge, so to speak, and head for cleaner air and a fresh start.  I have done extensive research and, for our needs, Albuquerque, NM, is the perfect place. 

Since my daughter is graduating and turning 18, she is already making plans to move out with a friend and start classes at the community college, not sure which one-Taft or BC-in the fall.  That's kind of convenient since Cameron's contract is up at the end of June and we want to be ready to head out on our new adventure by then.

Emotions are running the gammit right now. 

• My one and only "baby" is growing up (OK, has pretty much grown up) [cue in "Empty Nest" syndrome]. This produces excitement for her new-found freedom and life ahead of her, as well as sadness of the loss of my daughter's presence in my immediate household.
• Fear.  I've never been to Albuquerque (we're going to check it out in a couple of months), I've never moved so far away from my family, especially Madeline, can we afford to do this, can we afford not to, what about jobs, what about ...
• Excitement for a new adventure and the opportunity to reinvent my life, make improvements, explore new places and people.  Being able to breathe without feeling that "catch" in my chest and seeing the "watermelon" sunset I keep reading about...and the balloon festival...and the aquarium.......
• Dread at moving again.  The act of moving is a pain, we haven't even unpacked all the boxes from the last move.   We've decided to take it down to bare bones, moving only the particularly necessary items.  I've seen many listings for apartments that have all the appliances, even washer and dryer.  Fantastic!  Since we'll be moving ourselves, the big stuff is going to have to stay here in B-town. 

 Job hunting is a casual thing at the moment, mostly watching the ads to see what is out there, and who the main employers are and where they advertise.  I hate job hunting.  Doing it from a distance is going to be even more interesting-anyone have any suggestions as to how you properly go about doing this?

We will be leaving one of our cats behind at my mom's and bringing the other 2 and our dog.  Hmm...riding in a moving van with 3 critters and an eleven and a half hour total drive. (not sure if we'll try it in one big trip or split it up) This will be interesting!

Well, for now, my spare time is spent learning all I can about Albuquerque, and looking for more freelance work to supplement our income for the times ahead.  Anyone in town need a writer/editor/photographer?

That's it for now, I'll try to keep everyone posted from here on.

Does anyone know what's happening in the area of Gosford and Harris?  For the past hour or so there's been helicopter flying around, lots of dogs barking, distant pops.  There's nothing listed in the news, but it doesn't sound like nothing either.  I believe it's to the west of Gosford.

It's been forever since I last posted.  Cameron is moving along the road to healing and I've immersed myself in my magazine project and the podcast.  For those who are unaware, I'm putting together an online motorcycle magazine that will be a companion to the podcast.  It will consist of expanded articles on our featured guests, as well as articles written by listeners/readers about their ride tales and adventures.  I'm, also, looking for artists, musicians, videographers, poets, and any other creative types that get their inspiration from motorcycles and motorcycling, to feature.  Anyway, this has had me very busy as I'm planning on debuting it at the end of Sept.

This brings me to another situation I find us in.  We have just been informed that the house we rent is going to be put on the market, so we need to move.  (This is definitely going to put a crimp in my magazine release plans.)  Do any of you who live in the Ridgeview High boundaries know of any rentals in your vicinity?  Since Cameron is still in either crutches or the wheel chair, we need to find a single story place.  I've done some driving around, but all these streets are full of cul de sacs that make navigation a problem.  Am checking on a few that are in the paper, but still awaiting call backs.  Our biggest hurdle so far in my investigation is our love of animals.  Having 3 cats and a small dog eliminates a lot of possibilities.  (All of us animal lovers should rally our funds and buy an apartment or such that only rents to people with pets!)

My knee (old news) is pretty much as healed as it's going to get.  Dr. says there was considerable damage so, thus, there is scare tissue from the repair, etc.  I'm getting used to the limiting factors and am just glad there isn't much in the way of pain anymore.  Knee bends and stairs may get better with practice, we'll see.  I haven't been back on the bike, yet.  We need to do some maintenance on it first and it's just been hard to rally myself and Cameron to the garage at the same time when it isn't so darn hot!  (I tend to stay up late and he's an early riser, UGH!)  The way things have been since the accident, though, I really have needed to be able to carry a passenger on most of my outings, so it's not a pressing issue. 

I haven't started back to work yet, though I'm planning to get a couple of days of substituting in next week, as I have no appointments to go to.  You see, in addition to Cameron's appointments, I've been trying to go to all my dad's doctor appts. too.  He's gotten bad about asking questions-being pro-active, etc.-and so when asked about test results, etc. he doesn't know or  just doesn't say.  Either way, it's getting quite frustrating for my siblings and I to keep up on our parents' needs. 

OK, enough of that.   We took a nice ride out to Bodfish this afternoon to interview a guy who is a double amputee that has 2 world records for world motorcycle travel.   I chatted with his wife for a while, then talked with him about all sorts of things-the situation in S. Africa, his life before the land mine that took out his legs, his ambitions, and where he gets his drive from.  Quite an amazing person with a very colorful past.  It was especially nice to have the change of scenery, get out of the lousy air, and take Cameron somewhere besides a doctor's appt.!   We both needed it.

Oh, for those who have met her, my daughter, Maddi, works at Popeye's (the one on Gosford) a few nights a week.  If you frequent it at all, you might say "hi" the next time you're there.  She's usually there on Sat. and Sun. nights.  (It's kind of funny that she's a vegetarian and is working at a chicken place, but she likes the people she works with and is always in a good mood when she comes home.)  It's all good. 

I think that's enough catching up for now.  I'll try to get on here a little more after I get this magazine up and running.  Most of the work has been on the set up and design, as well as rounding up people for the articles.  I'm having a great time with it so it's all worth it.

I need to clean out a closet and have lots of teaching stuff that I don't plan on using any time soon.  If you are interested, please email me.  The stuff is free it just needs a new home.

Math, language arts, science items for 4th-7th grades.  Also, some remedial reading items for jr high grades, but at elementary levels.  I haven't inventoried it in a while, but that's pretty much the majority of it.  Let me know what you're looking for and I'll check to see if I have anything in that area.

Thanks!

Patti

 

The spinning walls slow, as the floor re-assumes its place; pressing hard against the bottom of my feet.  My eyes focus on the picture on the wall, the couch across the room, and the doorway to the hall.  They look familiar, but different somehow.  It's as if I'm seeing them from inside a glass enclosure; untouchable and distant, but all the while within reach.

As I settle back into the well-known, comfortable, routines of the times before  "the accident", there is a sort of detachment that I can't quite pass beyond.  The other world I left behind me still drags at the back of my mind; the fear, the loneliness, the longing for something familiar.  Yet, here it is, and I move about it with an almost mechanical purpose.  A river of emotion gently erodes at the surface which gives away with the slightest  breath, exposing the chaotic tumble below.

Improvements come steadily, but they don't dry up the floodwaters fast enough.  Why is it so hard to feel - to feel happy?   We mourn the loss of a friend and pull together to restore our faith, but mine is scattered and hard to grasp.  It swirls around me, and shows itself in glimpses. 

Uncertainty and fear have been etched deeply in such a small frame in time.  To not have something to fight for, to struggle against, a towering foe to condemn and blame the hurt on; where will the energy go?  Without it I'm left with my own demons again, familiar and ever-present, small, but sly.  They haunt the recesses of my being; subtly challenging my strength and tugging out things that are best left in the fog of long ago memories. 

Perhaps the loss of the distraction is what truly plagues my spirit.  The void that has been created, originally filled by pushing aside anything that wasn't necessary, now lies empty and echoes with the dripping water and sounds of battle.  The armor is hanging on the wall, next to the picture, and so I sit on the couch and contemplate where the next day will take me.

It took a couple of tries, but I managed to connect with his doctor this morning.  Yesterday I missed him by about 15 minutes.  Today, I went to the hospital at 6:00am and was able to be there when he checked in on Cameron.  I wanted to hear, first hand, what instructions were given and  about the follow-up treatment.  He's going to be cast-bound for about 2 weeks, then move to a removable brace, of sorts.  His cast goes above the knee which makes it a little more difficult to maneuver around, since his leg is almost straight.  The physical therapist showed him how to use crutches (he's not quite strong enough to safely use them yet) and a walker (much better). 

After what seemed like forever, they discharged him and we headed home.  At least for now, he needs more help getting from room to room due to the cast and his use of the wheel chair.  As he gets stronger, he'll be using the walker more and then the crutches.  Next week he'll get his physical therapy assignment, and they will cut away the cast in the incision areas to make sure they are healing properly, so that will be interesting.  It would be nice if he does his therapy at the same place I have mine so we can both benefit from the time.  I have yet to return to the remaining half of my prescribed sessions and definitely feel it at times.

Pain control is a priority as we have been told it hinders healing.  This time the doctor gave him a higher dose of Vicodin, and this time it's working.  They have encouraged him to move about the house, but to listen to his body and not overdo it (easy for them to say).  With fewer doctor visits and excursions out of the house, his healing should be easier on both of us, than his wait for the surgery.

His brief time in the hospital went by very quickly, in a way, too quickly.  There wasn't time to rest and I barely made a dent in the chaos left over from the first weeks back.  I had hoped to gain some sort of control over the situation, but realized there really isn't anything about this that I can control.  I can make recommendations and help here and there, but It's all up to his body doing its thing and it will do it at its own pace.  

I think that's one of the things that scared me the most through the whole ordeal - a total lack of control over my situation.  I couldn't "fix" anything, all I could do was listen to reports on his condition and wait.  I felt helpless, like having the floor drop out from under you with little to hold on to.  The focus was on surviving and "being there" for him.  Now, we are in the "exit" part of the tunnel and everything is getting brighter.  The past is like one long nightmare and memories of it run together like one foggy mass, punctuated by intense emotions. 

I'm most likely not going to be posting about his situation as much as I have been.  He's coherent and, despite the pain meds., is in good enough condition to start telling his story.  As things develop, I'll keep you posted.

The wait was long in the frigid waiting room.  The thermostat read 72  degrees, but it must have still been set on "temperature savings time" as it was at least down to 65 or so.  I had the laptop, which put out a little heat that kept me somewhat out of the freezing zone, but no internet.  I settled for many rounds of Mahjong and Spider Solitaire.  It wasn't exactly the best environment to do any creative writing; fussy children prevailed and the TV was set on one of those old sit-coms with actors that have annoying voices.  A much different atmosphere from the waiting rooms at the hospital in New Mexico.  They had a hushed noise level, even when there were many relatives of patients present.  Of course the decor of the place emphasized much of the Navajo culture and there was an abundance of water displays, all gurgling and rushing soothingly.  Perhaps the new remodel will produce better results at San Joaquin. 

Surgery, or at least the time spent in the operating room, was expected to last 2 hours.  I started getting nervous as 3 hours rolled around, and started calling the nurses station in recovery at 3:15.  Finally, at around 3:30, a weary Dr. Paik quickly found me and explained the delay.  As I mentioned earlier, the surgery was very difficult and so had taken longer.  He told me to go get some lunch and come back in an hour and a half, then go to the 5th floor where he would be resting by then. 

Anxious for an internet connection to spread the news, I went to the closest internet coffee house I new of, Dagney's, and got to work on emails and phone calls.  Due to the fact that the area of Dagney's that has accessible outlets was quite full, I had to operate on battery power.  That cut the session a little, but I got business taken care of, and had a nice strawberry/peach tea smoothie. 

I returned to the hospital and checked in at the 5th floor nursing station where I was told to go to room 5234.  When I entered, he was asleep and had a very large mass under the covers where his right leg is.  He later showed me the cast he is sporting, which runs a little above the knee, and is propped atop a foam block.  Thus, the size of the mass is explained.  They didn't give him one of those cool colored ones, it's just white, so maybe we'll turn my young artist loose on it and see what she comes up with.  (She has a Cheshire cat and colorful butterflies painted on her bedroom walls.)

He was so sleepy and trying to stay awake because I was there, so I left around 7:00 so he could just relax.  I got home and surveyed the mess from the past couple of weeks and decided that a pan of brownies was just the ticket to get me moving to bring some sort of order to things.  I don't know what his needs will be when he returns, but a fresh start seems in order, after all, the coming days will be healing ones.  The broken ones are behind us.