Since the mid-term elections, we…the universal we, have been waiting with baited breath, and sometimes the occasional cocktail, for a plan to get out of Iraq. The Iraq Study Group is going to release their findings, hopefully, in the very near future. What could they possibly “find” that hasn’t been in front of everyone’s noses before now?

The answer is nothing. They will dress it up, put some lipstick on this pig and perhaps try to convince the current resident of the Oval Office, and his cadre of chickenhawks, that talking to Iraq’s neighbors is a start to getting our collective ass out of Iraq. This of course, will mean talking to Iran. It will mean talking to the homegrown militia’s running rampant in and around Baghdad and Sadr City. The ISG won’t be providing anything new, just common sense that has long been ignored by the Decider-in-Chief.

As we wait for this guaranteed best seller to spring forth from the loins of James Baker and his buddies, we can digest some of the other ideas that have been bandied about by various people in current or former positions of authority, and just plain ol’ nimrods that think they know it all.

Kissinger, who has cough* experience * cough at ending unpopular wars, has already been priming the President with verbiage such as a “Military victory is no longer possible”. If this is news to the Shrub, I will kiss Dick Cheney’s little black pacemaker-powered heart…provided he is nowhere near a gun at the time. Former White House counterterrorism aide Richard Clarke urges initiating a 18-month-long pull-out right away. Neocon cheerleader Robert Kagan wants to throw more American troops into Iraq, as does John McCain. The latter idea doesn’t take into account that we don’t have any more troops to ship over to Iraq unless the “D” word is going to get a workout in the halls of Congress, ala Rangel’s initiative, real soon. Even the Pentagon has given us their ideas on Iraq: Send in more troops, shrink the force but stay longer, or pull out, according to senior defense officials. These are otherwise known as “Go Big, Go Long or Go Home”. Remember “Mission Accomplished”? Jeez, do these guys love slogans or what?

Those are the “plans” from the right side of the aisle. Now, for the Democratic folks and their ideas. What, you say..the Dem’s have ideas? Yes, Virginia, the Dem’s have ideas. They don’t differ from many of the ones already making the rounds, since victory isn’t what it was touted to be when the war first started.

The incoming chair of the Senate Armed Services Committee, Carl Levin (D-MI), has already called for a phased reduction of U.S. troops from Iraq in four to six months (PBS). Joe Biden, the incoming chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee wants Iraq divided up into three sections, relying on a central government only for matters of border control and allocation of oil resources. Wesley Clarke, the retired four-star general and former NATO commander, recently called for sustained shuttle diplomacy in the region and increased cooperation among the White House, Pentagon and State Department. Senators Carl Levin, D-MI, and Jack Reed, D-RI offered up an amendment in June of this year, urging the President to press the Iraqis to take greater responsibility for their own security and future. The amendment called for the beginning of a phased redeployment of U.S. forces from Iraq by the end of the year. The amendment was rejected by a vote of 39-60 that same month. The Levin-Reed amendment declared that U.S. Armed Forces "are stretched thin" and that "sectarian violence has surpassed the insurgency and terrorism as the main security threat in Iraq." It said, "The current open-ended commitment of United States forces in Iraq is unsustainable and a deterrent to the Iraqis making the political compromises and personnel and resource commitments that are needed for the stability and security of Iraq."

Then there is the concept, dubbed "strategic redeployment," which is outlined in a thin, nine-page report coauthored by a former Reagan administration assistant Defense secretary, Lawrence J. Korb. It sets a goal of a phased troop withdrawal that would take nearly all US troops out of Iraq by the end of 2007. This plan begins with a quick withdrawal of US troops and install them elsewhere in the region, where they could respond to emergencies in Iraq and help fight terrorism in other countries. The Democrats, including Howard Dean, rallied around this plan the beginning of this year.

Not to be out done, Barack Obama has recently released his ideas for getting out of Iraq. His voice is loud and clear about ending the “coddling” of the current government leaders of Iraq. To quote from his latest speech: “Our best hope for success is to use the tools we have – military, financial, diplomatic – to pressure the Iraqi leadership to finally come to a political agreement between the warring factions that can create some sense of stability in the country and bring this conflict under control. The first part of this strategy begins by exerting the greatest leverage we have on the Iraqi government – a phased redeployment of U.S. troops from Iraq on a timetable that would begin in four to six months.”

Now my dear reader..the two things all these plans need in order to succeed are: The Shrub and his minions must buy into one of them. The second, and most important, is the cooperation of the Iraqi government. I use the term “Iraqi government” loosely because the government is rife with sectarian horseshit and at times, basically resembles the plot from one of the Godfather movies where the warring factions “go to the mattresses”.

The Maliki-led government is a sham. It’s all about the Shia’s destroying the Sunni’s six ways from Sunday. Think of the Baltimore Ravens defense going after the Houston Texans QB David Carr..with rocket launchers and car bombs.

Over 55% of the population is Sunni. Only 33% are Shiites, yet Maliki thinks the Shia’s can run roughshod over Iraq. Maliki needs to see Alex Trebek and buy a damn clue. When the U.S. leaves, all hell is going to break loose if the government of Iraq hasn’t reached a truce with all factions and commenced leading the country as a united front . Maliki refuses to set timetables, or keep to benchmarks. He demands that our troops abandon a search and checkpoints in Sadr City. The reason Maliki won’t agree with any of our government’s plans is because they don’t fit into his. Maliki refuses to call off his dogs, the Shia militia’s, who are terrorizing the citizens of Baghdad. The counter strikes by the Sunni’s have seen the sectarian violence rise to level’s that signal a beginning of a civil war that will destroy the nation, if not the tenuous balance of the Middle East. The Sunni’s have controlled Iraq for a thousand years; they will not go quietly into that good night.

The pandering and baby sitting by this administration of Maliki and his buddies has to stop if we are to achieve any sense of “victory” in Iraq. The Shiite clerics, who own Maliki’s soul, are now threatening to withdraw from the government if Maliki meets with the President. Bush and his advisors need to rent a HUGE set of balls when they meet with Maliki in the Middle East next week. They need to lay down the plan for Iraq, or plan for Maliki’s removal. If you think there aren’t already ideas making the rounds to remove Maliki from power...think again. If Bush and his cadre go the latter route boys and girls…we will start this horrible, crazy nightmare all over again and spend more years counting broken bodies and coffins returning from Iraq, not to mention thousands upon thousands of dead Iraqi’s. Bush talks like he has a set of big brass ones, lets see him use those suckers for a change and shake Maliki like a wet rag.

I don’t know about you, my dear reader, but I am just not up to doing this god-forsaken dance of death and destruction for another 3 friggin’ years. Over 60% of the American population agrees. It’s high time for the federal farkwits at the helm to get onboard and shift this bitch of an Edsel, known as the War in Iraq, into over-drive and head on home. For our sake and for those of the Iraqi people… this dog and pony show must to come to an end.