I must confess that I have problems with love. All my experiences with love are totally distorted. You know when you're a kid, and you're friends with someone and they say "if you ___ I'll be your best friend forever!!"? Well, its a joke, but in my past, its the truth. I've always had "these" experiences with love.

I went to a Christmas gathering with my group last night. There was a lot of talking, a lot of sharing of stories, mostly about embarassing moments, people falling, tripping, funny stories like that. And after I left, it made me realize something. Although I hardly have any embarassing moments, its like my life has been one because I've always had someone pointing and laughing at me no matter what I do. My dad used to do it.  I remember one time being a kid, trying to say a word, I think it was electricity but I couldn't say it, after like 3 times I think I said power, and my dad laughed at me. Sure it was funny, but theres always been a "tone" behind it. And its made me incredibly self-conscious and somewhat prideful. I used to weigh a little over 300 pounds and I heard a comment from a kid only once, and I was already in process of getting gastric bypass.

It seems like a total copout in my mind but I know I have trouble loving because of these lopsided friendships. I always feel like I'm under a magnifying glass, I seem to attract people who see a tiny flaw and make it the size of a mountain. Last night I left the party thinking "why did I stay for an extra two HOURS to hear these ridiculous stories??!!" I think I had more fun on the way to the party, with the big fat clouds, about sunset time with the pink sky.. it was beautiful.. took a lot of pictures :)

So I don't know what friendship is, I'm struggling with the concept of love. But the good news is that we all students, and every day is a new opportunity. And there are plenty of ways to learn. Like the Word says, love is patient, love is kind.. but also this poem/teaching says..

LOVE

Be kind rather than be cruel
Get close rather than run away
See good rather than what is bad
Adore rather than deface
Be patient rather than give up
Be grateful rather than sad
Forgive rather than hold on to resentment
Let go rather than cling to things
Support rather than gossip
Be optimistic rather than be negative
Commit rather than put off
Help rather than wait
Understand rather than judge
Openness rather than prejudice
Willingness rather than stubbornness
Sympathize rather than reject
Warmth rather than coldness
See rather than ignore
Realize rather than fantasize
Praise rather than scold
Compassion rather than indifference
Laugh rather than be perfect
Cry rather than shut down
Give rather than receive
Do this unto others without expectation
knowing  "that you love one another
as God has loved you.”   John 13;34

 "God is love...he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him”  
1 John 4:16