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Vanilla Ice is HOT. I don't care what anyone else says, but man he looked good last night at The Nile. And he rapped well too! Who knows if I'm the demographic he's going after on his current tour, but as a 31-year-old, I look back fondly on my freshman year of high school when "Ice, Ice Baby" was a hit and my school dance team performed a routine to it at our first pep rally. And I must admit, I got sucked into the season of Surreal Life when he was on it. So when I heard he was coming to Bako, I HAD to plop down the $23.50 to see him.

My friends and I showed up early for the publicized 8 p.m. start time, so we could get a good spot in line. People milled about until they finally let us in at 8:30. We had picked the right spot to wait cuz we ended up first in line!!! Things were loooking good, we got a good table near the front, we heard there was a FREE buffet included with our tickets, we were ready to get our Ice on.

First stop: the bar. $7 for a whiskey coke? Yikes! Second stop: the buffet. Hm, tortilla chips, beans, rice and something that resembled enchiladas. We'll just have some chips, thank you.

OK, Ice, we're ready for you! Wait, what? An opening act. OK, that's normal. But, hmm, screamo? I'm a little too old for that.

What? A second opening act? At least this was rap ... getting me into the mood. OK, I'm ready for the Ice Man.

A third opening act? It's getting near my bedtime. And, AH! Screamo again! How do those "singers" talk the next day?

This has got to be it. Ice time! Wait, no!!! A FOURTH opening act! This is unbelieveable. Oh, but it's Vecar. At least it's music, with a melody, and a singer who sings, and who also jams on the electric guitar. Love it! But ... yawn. It is soooo past my bedtime.

Finally, 11 p.m. and Ice appears. All 40 of us left in the audience rush the stage. He's giving out tatooed-knuckle punches. He's pulling hot chicks onto the stage. He's gladly accepting joints from the audience and puff, puff passing back and forth with his fans. He's opening bottles of water and shaking them over us. He's pouring the water on his "dancers." He sings "Ice, Ice Baby," "Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go" and "'Play that funky music white boy..." and then there's a song about sex, and a song about pot, and a song about "Oh my God." And, wow, he rocks the drums!

Vanilla Ice performed a minute for each of us. At 11:40, the show was over. But I did jump, I did dance with my hand in the air, I did get wet from all that water being sprayed around, and I was smiling ear to ear. I'm not THAT old. And neither is the Ice. Thanks for visiting Bako, buddy! Too bad you couldn't stay a little longer ...

That's me on the left (with Shellie and Leann from work)! Check out more photos from the Vanilla Ice concert at Bakersfield Paparazzi.