Today is bittersweet for me. As gay and lesbian couples up and down California promise to love one another 'til death do they part, I am both rejoicing for them and mourning my own broken promises. This day, which I had always looked forward to, is not for me. Rather than joining the throngs on the first day of legal gay marriage, I am in the middle of a gay divorce.

Throughout all of the conversations and media coverage I have followed regarding this momentous occasion, no one is talking about the ugly, truthful side of the story: with marriage comes divorce. With partnerships come breakups.

My ex-partner and I had a lovely "commitment ceremony" in an Oakland hills park under the dappled shade of redwood trees in 2002. A year later, we registered with the Secretary of State's office as domestic partners. On Jan. 1, 2005, when AB205 took effect, we were granted nearly all of the same rights and responsibilities of straight, married couples in the state of California. The only thing we couldn't do was file taxes together or move out of state, lest we lose those protections.

But our relationship was not meant to be. We could not compromise on some of our most fundamental values and needs. We differed greatly on issues of career, geography, investments, hobbies and children. She moved back to Oakland. I stayed in Bakersfield. Separation led to a final breakup. We had been together a total of eight years.

But a breakup is not as easy as "unregistering" with the state. AB205 governed our divorce as well as our partnership. Just like all the gay couples getting married in California starting today, all the couples registered as domestic partners must file for divorce in the family court system just like any straight, married couple.

Those protections are of upmost importance. It holds couples responsible for splitting community property and community debt, and if there are children involved (thank God for us, there are not), the court offers, hopefully, a fair and just means for sorting out custody and child support. Before AB205, or now legal gay marriage, couples who broke up did not have to be responsible to one another and many heartbreaking stories circulated of non-biological parents losing custody of their children, or non-working partners being left in the lurch by the bread-winner.

The fact that gay couples are choosing to get married means they are taking on a commitment that goes beyond just love. They are entering a contract to support each other 100 percent, in marriage and, in the case of a breakup, in divorce.

Divorce is a reality for any couple, straight or gay. Today, I commend the gay couples getting married, but I also lament my loss and watch only from the sidelines.