This photo epitomizes my life prior to October 22nd, 1990. I was a trainwreck! This particular wreck was at Bealeville in 2004. It was cleaned up in two days. My wreck happened in 1977 and 29 years later, I am still doing clean-up on the mess. Yes. I used to be a drug addict. My drug of choice was meth, but I was game for just about anything. There were things I tried and didn't like(like Angel Dust and 'ludes), but for the most part, I liked it all.  My first experience with mind and mood altering substances was with alcohol when I was a freshman. I got really drunk, really sick and then passed out after a six pack of Country Club malt liquor talls. I never drank them again. I never really liked drinking, but I did like being drunk. I drank strictly for effect and never for enjoyment. I was not able to have one beer. I wouldn't stay out all night at bars or with the boys, but if I started drinking after work I would go hjome at a decent hour and continue there. I was not a mean drunk, I was a happy one, which can be more annoying than a mean one. I didn't start crap when I was drinking, but I did things that started crap..Like hitting on your wife or daughter.

I got high for the first time in 1974 with some friends in Bakersfield(I grew up in Tehachapi)and did it a few times after that while still in school, but it was never a big thing to me. When I graduated from High School I moved to Bakersfield and went to work where I earned enough money to start buying my own stash and started hanging with the "in" crowd. HA! I remember very clearly telling myself that I was never going to do anything other than smoke weed as my friends began experimienting with coke and stronger stuff. A few months later I was right there with them. Coke, Acid, whites, mushrooms and whatever else came down the pike. I didn't start doing this because I was hiding from anything. I just liked getting high.

I went to work for the Railroad in 1979 and that is where I met the guy who turned me on to Meth. I couldn't belive it. It hurt so bad and felt so good. I had found my calling! I wanted to be a speed freak when I grew up! I stopped doing everything else. Coke was out the door immediately. Pot wemt in 1986 because all it did was make me lethargic and confuse my high from speed. I stopped drinking in 1989 because it just wan't my thing and with the speed, I couldn't get drunk anymore. Yeah..Just me and Meth! I was a tweeker of the highest magnitude! My garage was filled with half finished projects, my back yard filled with vintage dirt bikes that didn't, and mostly, never did run. I cleared my backyard of that pesky grass and made an RC racecar off-road track out of it where my speeding friends and I could race till it was time to go to work or to sleep if enough days had passed. My front grass became front dirt because I hadn't the time to care for it. I began to run with some very cool, very exciting and very dangerous people. There was a shooting at one of my favorite connects places over a disagreement on the amount of a bike repair. The guy who was shot(in the leg)was told he would tell the cops HE drew his shotgun first, or this flesh wound would become a mortal headshot. He complied. It was a bizarre world and it was a lot of fun. My music room never shut down. Yes, we played there most days and nights, but I also sold a lot of stuff from there. I made deals that, at one time, filled my house with guitars, guns and gadgets I was certain I couldn't live without. I also believed I couldn't live without all the people around me. My buddies and my mistresses. My girlfriend at the time was merely a footnote as were many of the people in my life. I would drive from Tehachapi to San Marcos to score and think nothing of hauling a pile of meth down the freeway at 90 MPH in my faithful T-bird.

Then came October 21st 1990. I did a big, fat line just before work, the last I have ever done. Then the call from my boss that it was my turn to go do a random piss test. EGAD! What to do? I thought of finding someone with clean piss to fill in for me, but I didn't KNOW anyone with clean piss. Not that I could seek help from, at any rate. So I went in a pissed. Then went home and pondered my future. Could I stop? Would I be fired? I moped around the rest of the night, took the next day off and sat around crying then slept fitfully and woke up in a rage the morning of the 23rd. I yelled and screamed. I punched a hole in a wall and broke a window. I threw my Timex against the wall until I was exhausted and it never missed a tick, so with my last ounce of energy, I threw my glasses at the wall and broke them. I sat there for a few minutes then went to the living room and asked a frind who was staying with us if she would call one of "those places", a rehab center.

I entered Charter Hospital the next day and emerged 27 days later a new man. Well, the same man with some new prorities and motivation. I immersed myself in AA and NA and started taking my job and my life seriously again. I stayed focused and out of touchy spots. I did what I was supposed to do and I have never looked back.

I have no regrets though. Regrets are for losers. I did what I did and it was what it was and it was a lot of fun. Some people say that their worst day clean is better than their best day using or drinking. It is not that way for me. The most horrible times in my life have heppened since I got clean. I had a blast partying. I met some great people and experienced some very exciting times. I had more fun in those years than most people have in a lifetime and I remember it all. I have no blank spots. I realize that I was breaking the law all those years, but whatever. I didn't get caught and I am still alive. I stopped smoking cold turkey in July 1991 and have never looked back on that either. It was actually harder than quitting dope. I was awarded custody of my then nine year old daughter(she is 23 now and expecting my first grandchild)in 1992. She doesn't remember much about how it was when I was getting high. My two younger daughters have never seen me drink, use or smoke.

It is hard to watch my kids growing up knowing what is out there waiting on most corners and in all schools for them. If you think your kids are immune because they go to a fancy private or Christian school, think again! It may not be as prevelant, but I promise you, it's there. I have no qualms about talking to my kids about all the dope, booze and smoking. I don't need the commercials on TV to remind me because I lived it and I haven't forgotten. I told my oldest when she was a teen and obviously starting to experiment, "don't start usuing because you will like it. It'll be a blast until the day you wake up and realize your life is a train wreck and train wrecks are very hard to clean up completely. They do a lot of damage which is evident long after the rail cars are moved out and the track repaired. Some is permanent damage, some just takes many years to get back to the way it was. I will tell you this. You NEVER forget a trainwreck, and that is a good thing.