With a nice little nest egg, they retired only to be blindsided by a major illness or the death of a spouse. Many times this happens just prior to retirement as has happened with a few of my co-workers. It makes me wonder if all the planning is really worth it.

A guy I used to play poker with(he was 80 when I met him in 2001)had done the scrimping thing, payed his house off well before retiring, never got into debt, saved all his money and retired from the phone company in 1983. His plan was to travel around the country with his wife and hit every casino they saw(They both loved low stakes gambling). They wanted to go to Atlantic City and possibly visit Europe. Two months later his wife suffered a debilitating stroke and was never able to walk or care for herself again. All those plans were scuttled and most of the money he had saved went toward her care. He was miserable and bitter. He died at 83 having never left California except to go to Vegas and Phoenix. As far as I know, his wife is still alive also never having done a thing.

I refuse to meet that fate. My pension will have to get me by because I am living my life NOW! I will have no "nest egg", but what I will have are the memories of living life while I was young enough to enjoy it and fluid enough to afford it. Life is way too short to wait to live it, so I am not waiting. Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead! One of the adages I live by(and I have never heard anyone else say it)is, When I am on my deathbed or facing certain death, I won't have to look back and say "I wish I'd have tried that".

I actually made this decision when I was in my twenties and I have no regrets. I have spent a ton of money and suffered many injuries over the years. I ache all the time. Everything hurts and I am only 49. I shudder to think about what I may feel like at 70, should I live that long. I'm not going to wait only to find I am too worn out to enjoy life after retirement.

I know people today who have lost much, if not all, of their 401(k) investments, and some of them are within a couple of years of retirement. Not nearly enough time to make up for what they have lost. I am glad I never contributed to mine. Union Pacific doesn't make any type of contribution, so I never thought it was a great plan anyway. Some of these people will end up having to work till they are well past the age at which they planned to retire and they are unhappy about it. The idea of working till I am a septegenarian doesn't bother me as much because I will have done so much already. I may be broke, but I will be satisfied that I left no stone unturned. Oh, I'll have, maybe ten or twelve G's in my personal savings account when I am 60(the earliest age at which I can retire from UP), but I have blown most of my money on cool vacations, racing motocross, Harley trips, guitars, dope, booze and women. Not a bad thing!

Wherever my money went, I am not going to waste time and I am not going to feel bad about it. When I am gone my house will be paid for(or damn close to it) and I will have all my "stuff" for the kids to split up and do with what they will, but the cash will be gone. Spent on my desire live life like there is no tomorrow. To Trish, Cassie, Camilla and Ariel..Sorry girls, but I strongly recommend you do the same. Life is for the living!

In January I had enough in savings to get me by, just barely, for a couple of months should the need arise. That safety net is, for teh most part, gone. I am fine as long as I am working my ass off, but if anything at all goes wrong, I am screwed. Immediately! Between many major unexpected expenses and the weakening dollar, I am nearly wiped out. I have been very broke in the past, but it was always because I simply wasn't making much money. I make plenty now, but I have never hemmoraged money like this in the past.

I haven't had the chance to do anything this year to "get away", not even for a weekend. On the rare occasion that I had a little coin, I had no time or I was just to beat from working too much and needed rest. I have put in more 12-16 hour days this year than I ever remember doing before. After nearly thirty years I am finding myself back in the ditch and back on poles..and I am a BOSS! It's wearing me down physically and mentally.

I August my daughter moved away to Vegas and took my little grandson to whom I had grown very attached. It killed me to watch them drive away. My oldest had moved to Fresno in 2007 taking my older grandsons there and with all of us having hectic schedules, I rarely get to see them.

Last month I lost an old buddy to a heart attack. He was 49 and a father of tennaged kids..just like me. He didn;t take care of himself and was a heavy smoker, but still..49? We were running buddies for many years, working and playing together. Chasing women and dreams. I sold him the last 125cc dirtbike I ever owned in 1980 and he still had it when he passed away! We hadn't hung out in a few years, but it still hit me hard.

Yesterday I found out that a long time online friend has lung cancer. Her e-mail did not sound encouraging. I have never met, or even talked on the phone with her, but we have shared many of our difficulties and laughs. She is 64, a mother and a grandmother and a very cool gal. Her name is Judy and she lives in B.C., Canada. Please keep her in your prayers, or if you don't believe in that, just keep her in your heart.

It just stinks, but there are always positive aspects of life too, The things that keep me from sitting in a deepening rut or too long on the pity pot. My daughter is coming back to stay next week so I get to hang with Aidan again. My younger girls are with me and doing well. It's football season and that means the family gets together for my grandson's games whether in person or on TV. I get to actually see Ryan and Dante for a few weekends. Trish, my oldest, is working in town again and I see her regularly. I DO have a very good job that isn't likely to be greatly affected by the economic problems and I have breakfast every Sunday with the family at one of our houses(or at the Sugar Mill when it's Dad's turn)and that keeps me in touch with Mom, Dad, Sis, my Nephew, his wife, my great nephew and soon enough, Cassie and Aidan.

I am healthy and virile, my Harley is paid for and life is pretty good as a whole. I just wish things would calm down a little so I can catch my breath!

Then there are those stuck in the past. Forever looking back and never concerning themselves with the present or the future. Buried in recriminations rather than recommendations. Never realizing that past failures are the key to future successes because instead of learning from the past they choose to remain bound up in it.

There are also those who blame the income tax loopholes and paydays of hedge fund managers for teh problems facing a credit market out of control. One guy even claimed they were getting away with only paying a 15% capital gains tax while the rest of us are stuck with 37% income tax! Um..Those guys have to pay taxes on their salaries on top of gains and my effective federal and state tax rates over the last seven years has averaged 15% and 11% respectively. This crisis was not brought about by exorbiant salaries or tax loopholes.

How about the ones dedicated to partisanship? It HAS to be the other guy because he disagrees with me! In my opinion there has never been a more bi-partisan created problem or lack of a tenable solution. Both the executive and legislative(both sides) branches stood by and watched this thing snowball and no one raised a finger to stop or even slow it down when it would have made a difference. Now they are pounding their chests and pointing across the aisle. They are voting against the bailout for all the wrong reasons. Last week it was said they had the votes, but when it came to crunch time, the swing state legislators backed down in the face of pissed off people just to get votes. They have no regard for what is really happening, they just want to keep their jobs while our jobs will be the ones on the chopping block when the dust settles. The honchos in the industry are even more liable. They KNEW this was going to happen. You know how I know that? Because I knew it was going to happen and I'm just a schmoe who works for the railroad!

I heard a guy blaming the republicans for deregulation and that is what has caused so many woes. Well, deregulation has been going on for decades and I agree with it. Regulating an industry doesn't guarantee it will be well and properly managed nor does it guarantee that special interests won't wind up pulling the strings anyway. Deregulation didn't stop oil from being called on the carpet for making money, why blame it for this? You can't have it both ways.

It's time to move forward, stop worrying about why this happened and figure out how to keep it from happening again. It's really not that complicated. Pay closer attention to who is allowed to get money. Stop pointing fingers at the past and start pointing the way to the future. If, in the course of investigations, heads roll, fine, and I don't care who's heads they are as long as they are the right heads and not just those of scapegoats to make the fingerpointers feel warm and fuzzy.

Anyway we look at this, no matter which course is taken, it is going to change the face of American finances forever. I am glad I never did the house bouncing in the market, over mortgaged my house or ran up much credit card debt. I don't spend a lot of money and I couldn't care less about keeping up with the Jones'(sorry Tom and Nancy!), so this crisis won't have a significant effect on me other than me having to pay, once again, for the irresponsibility of others.