i did not write this; found it on a link from my cousin's site.  author unknown (that i could tell)

I think all women over the age of 40 have a hidden walk-in closet built into their houses that is full of bedazzled, bejeweled, and bespangled  Christmas sweaters. The day after Thanksgiving, they go into their secret chamber of wooly Christmas spirit and arrange the shelves of the closet like an advent calendar of sweatery splendor. They adorn each one proudly, with the majesty and merriment of all the snow angels in the world.

So, here’s the big question: how can you know if your Christmas sweater is truly Christmawesome?

Official Point System of Sweater Christmaweseomeness:

1. If your sweater has a nativity scene = +1 point

2. If your sweater has lights on it = +1 point

3. If your light is for Rudolph’s nose = -1 point

4. If your light is for the star of Bethlehem over your nativity scene = +4 points

5. If your sweater has actual bells and whistles from the Polar Express tied on by pieces of yarn = +2 points

6. If you can hear the bells = -2 points

7. If every time one of the bells rings, you get excited because an angel just got its wings = + 1 point

8. If your sweater has Luke 2 written out on it (the entire chapter) = +3 points

9. If it is KJV = +2 points

10. If it is actually a puff paint sweatshirt, which is really just a Christmas sweater wannabe = -3 points

11. If your sweater was knitted from the wool of a Bethlehemian sheep = +5 points

12. If you have more than 5 snowmen/women on your sweater = +2 points (+1 point for each additional snowperson)

13. If any of your snowmen are inspired by Calvin and Hobbes = +4 points

14. If it is a maternity sweater that reads “Mary is My Homegirl” = +10 points

15. If your sweater has stockings with your kids’ names on it = +1 point for each child

16. If the stockings are your kids’ used socks = -2 points for each sock

17. If it has a 3-D hologram of baby Jesus on it = +3 points

18. If it has candy canes on it = -4 points… I’m going to use this platform of SCL to take a stand against candy canes, a.k.a. carnage canes. Candy canes become sharp and dangerous once licked. It's like putting an ice pick in your mouth and poking it around. I'm sorry, but if I want the flavors of mint and blood to mix in my mouth, I'll go to the dentist. This injustice needs to stop now, so we're starting a boycott of candy canes effective immediately. I think it’s the Southern Baptist roots in me that really wanted to start a boycott. That’s why I started Humans Against Candy Knives, or H.A.C.K. Join the fight on the Facebook group I started.

19. If it has any other kind of cane on it= +2 points. This could be one of the wise men’s canes, sugar canes, or even hurricanes. Just as long as they’re not candy canes.


How did you score?

0-3 points= Sorry to break the news, but you might be a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.
4-7 points= You’re rockin’ a mighty fine piece of holiday merriment, my friend. Just don’t wear your sweater and your light up reindeer antlers at the same time. That would be tacky.
8-10 points= “Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor, and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.” –Job 40:10
11-13 points= Bill Cosby called. He wants his sweater back.
14+ points= You are the embodiment of Christmawesomeness. There are probably three men coming from afar to shower you with gifts as you read this.
Less than zero points= Apparently you love candy canes.

this was forwarded to me a while back

Think you are having a bad day?


Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire.  The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back, flippers, and face mask.

A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification.  Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest.  The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets.  Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire.

You guessed it.  One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the breast stroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.


Still think you're having a bad day?

A man was working on his motorcycle on the patio, his wife nearby in the kitchen.  While racing the engine, the motorcycle accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars, was dragged along as it burst through the glass patio doors.

His wife, hearing the crash, ran in the room to find her husband cut and bleeding, the motorcycle, and the shattered patio door.  She called for an ambulance and, because the house sat on a fairly large hill, went down the several flights of stairs to meet the paramedics and escort them to her husband.

While the attendants were loading her husband, the wife managed to right the motorcycle and push it outside.  She also quickly blotted up the spilled gasoline with some paper towels and tossed them into the toilet.

After being treated and released, the man returned home, looked at the shattered patio! door and the damage doneto his motorcycle.  He went into the bathroom and consoled himself with a cigarette while attending to his business.  About to stand, he flipped the butt between his legs.

The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming.  Finding him lying on the bathroom floor with his trousers blown away and burns on his buttocks, legs and groin, she once again phoned for an ambulance.  The same paramedic crew was dispatched.

As the paramedics carried the man down the stairs to the ambulance they asked the wife how he had come to burn himself.  She told them.  They started laughing so hard, one slipped, the stretcher dumping the husband out.  He fell down the remaining stairs, breaking his arm.

Still having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdezoil spill in Alaska was $80,000.  At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers.  A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.


Still think you are having a bad day?

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the dea! dly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.  Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

STILL think you're having a bad day?

Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany.  Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly.  The two hopeless protesters were trampled to death.

What?! STILL having a bad day??

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.  It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, feeling better?

my sis-in-law said she saw a mountain lion on the bike path last sunday. it was in the evening out just west of calloway.    i'm hoping it was really a dog instead???   anyone else seen anything like this lately?

a fwd i got yesterday:

Everyone should read this, and understand what it is saying. This stuff is so scary, and so many are getting hooked on it! It is an epidemic around where we live, and it ruins so many lives of good young people.

Those that can ever get away from it once they are hooked, are really lucky! It is almost impossible to shake once you are hooked.

Every thing in this poem is true, I have personally seen the devastation this drug causes. Many of the policemen and firemen who were the pioneers of cleaning up these meth labs later died of cancer. Many of the detectives that taught us firemen the classes about meth labs died a very young and early death from cancer and other diseases that just being exposed to the chemicals causes.

Imagine the small children who lived right in the homes of the people who were cooking the drug, what kind of lives will they have to look forward to. So sad. Please read and pass it along to everyone you know.

Randy Wells, retired fire captain.


'I AM METH' (This was written by a young Indian girl who was in jail for drug charges, and was addicted to meth. She wrote this while in jail. As you will
soon read, she fully grasped the horrors of the drug, as she tells in this simple, yet profound poem. She was released from jail, but, true to her story, the drug owned her. They found her dead not long after, with the needle still in her arm.)

Please be concerned for our children, grandchildren, teens, young adults, and understand............ this thing is worse than any of us realize...


My Name: 'Is Meth'

I destroy homes,
I tear families apart,
take your children,
and that's just the start.

I'm more costly than diamonds,
more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring
is a sight to behold.

If you need me,
remember I'm easily found,
I live all around you
in schools and in town.

I live with the rich;
I live with the poor,
I live down the street,
and maybe next door.

I'm made in a lab,
but not like you think,
I can be made
under the kitchen sink.

In your child's closet,
and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death,
well it certainly should.

I have many names,
but there's one you know best,
I'm sure you've heard of me,
my name is crystal meth.

My power is awesome;
try me you'll see,
But if you do,
you may never break free.

Just try me once
and I might let you go,
But try me twice,
and I'll own your soul.

When I possess you,
you'll steal and you'll lie,
You do what you have to --
just to get high.

The crimes you'll commit
for my narcotic charms
Will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms,
your lungs your nose.

You'll lie to your mother;
You'll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears,
you should feel sad.

But you'll forget your morals
and how you were raised,
I'll be your conscience,
I'll teach you my ways.

I take kids from parents,
and parents from kids,
I turn people from God,
and separate friends.

I'll take everything from you,
your looks and your pride,
I'll be with you always --
right by your side.

You'll give up everything -
your family, your home,
Your friends, your money,
then you'll be alone.

I'll take and take,
till you have nothing more to give,
When I'm finished with you,
you'll be lucky to live.

If you try me be warned -
this is no game,
If given the chance,
I'll drive you insane.

I'll ravish your body,
I'll control your mind,
I'll own you completely,
your soul will be mine.

The nightmares I'll give you
while lying in bed,
The voices you'll hear,
from inside your head.

The sweats, the shakes,
the visions you'll see,
I want you to know,
these are all gifts from me.

But then it's too late,
and you'll know in your heart,
That you are mine,
and we shall not part.

You'll regret that you tried me,
they always do,
But you came to me,
not I to you.

You knew this would happen,
many times you were told,
But you challenged my power,
and chose to be bold.

You could have said no,
and just walked away,
If you could live that day over,
now what would you say?

I'll be your master,
you will be my slave,
I'll even go with you,
when you go to your grave.

Now that you have met me,
what will you do?
Will you try me or not?
It's all up to you.

I can bring you more misery
than words can tell,
Come take my hand,
let me lead you to hell.

If you really care enough, please forward this poem and share the deadly outcome of a drug that is killing our young

i got the following email this morning.  seriously jason,  guys, is there a way to report/prevent/block things like this from coming in? 

Someone found your profile on The Bakersfield.com and wanted to tell you the following:

"Dearest One, It is my pleasure to contact you for a business venture which I and my junior brother (george) intend to establish in your country. Though I have not met with you before but I believe, one has to risk in other to succeed in life. I am in position of $8.5 million U.S dollars ($8.5m) which my late Father deposited in a security company in Abidjan before he was assasinated by unknown persons during this war in Cote d'ivoire. But before the death of my father on the 29th April 2004 in a private hospital here in Abidjan He secretly called me on his bed and told me that he has a sum of USD$8.5M (eight million five hundred thousand U.S) deposited in a security company here in Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire, that he used my name as his beloved daughter for the next of kin in depositing the fund Now I and my brother want to move this money to invest it in your country or anywhere safe enough outside Africa for security and political reasons. We want you to help us claim and retrieve these fund from the company where it was deposited as family valuables and transfer it into your personal account in your country for investment purposes on these areas: 1). Telecommunication ( 2). The Transport Industry( 3).Five Star Hotel If you can be of sincere assistance to us we will be pleased to offer to you 15% Of the total fund. I await your soonest response. Respectfully yours, Miss.Rita Williams IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN HELPING US PLEASE CONTACT US ON THIS EMAIL ADDRESS rita_willia01@yahoo.fr"

ok, this just happened, so i'm still working on verbalizing my experience so that it can be understood by others.

so, i finally got a new tv, one that doesn't have to warm up for a half hour before i can watch it.  anyways, after comparison shopping, ended up at costco.  decided on a tv, and they had a coupon for it!!!! $150 off.  so my mom whips out her trusty purse calculator and figures the final total amount.  we get to the register, and*gasp* a price discrepency. 

this is the deal.  we were charged sales tax on the total original price.  then they took the markdown.  ok, now we all know that most normal, sane people would figure the total final price, then charge taxes on the amount of the final sale.

apparently "this is how everyone in California is doing it now, it's not a costco thing, it's a CA thing"

twercks me off.  i pay enough taxes. 

as soon as i can better verbalize my gripe, i'm writing to my senators, congressmen, and governor.

today i am saddened by all the bullying/name-calling i have seen here.  almost all of it done by anonymous.  i'm only 20-something, but sometimes i feel like i've lived through quite a crazy lifetime of abuse.  here's my challenge:  for those of you who post, just delete the nonsensicalness and bullying/name-calling done by anonymous.  anny does not have the right to be abusive like that.  especially not when he/she does so in secret, refusing to post a name.

i just read this really great book and realized that some abuse victims don't even realize that: 1.walking away, or 2. booting the abuser to the curb is even an option.  Ladies and Gentlemen, i challenge you to choose option #2!

actually having consequences for those students who do not meet the requirements? read and comment

http://www.bakersfield.com/...