I'd suggest you read my book "Birds With Broken Wings" Lois.

From what I've been told, it's a "buying the cow" type situation. Many guys have no reason to stick around because they don't see the 'need.' So many girls are ready to give up "everything" to a guy within a hour of meeting them. No romance, no chase, no fun. Just a fast, casual interaction. Then the girl expects the guys to stick around.

Here's a clue. Many guys are dogs always looking for the easiest bone they can get. Not all, but many. And even the guys that aren't that way get turned off real quick when a girl gives it up too quick. Doesn't stop them form going along for the ride, but that is not the type of girl you stay with. That is not the type of girl you want to have your babies.

Women used to be the limiting factor in the rate of development in a relationship. Now too often they are the driving force.

My husband and I are both "transplants," but our eldest son, soon to graduate from college with a computer engineering degree, was born and raised here.  Bakersfield was/is a fine place to raise kids, but we will strongly encourage our son to go elsewhere to find a job when he graduates.  In many ways, Bakersfield is a provincial town.  Not only do I believe job opportunities will be better for him elsewhere, but I would like him to have a more cosmopolitan experience before he settles down.  If, later, he decides to come back to Bakersfield, that's one thing.  I have met many people who were born here and never left their "back yard," shall we say. 

Go . . . Discover . . . Expand your horizons . . .

Bakersfield women, by and large, fun to date a couple of times....but not the winners you want to bring home to Mom and Dad. Then there is the other end of the spectrum, the woman who is looking for a husband, bypassing the boyfriend stage. No bueno either.

Where are all the true blue young men with decent jobs and no criminal record??

Importing their wives into Kern County.

Of course, maybe the woman  in Louis' post, and her g/f's, are just a real pain in the [edit.]?

The large ones are more fun than the by's.

O, I see what you did there.

They should scope the Alley Cat.

--virgil

 "gorgeous, talented, intelligent, professional" 27 year old woman

Aren't parents usually a little biased? I'll bet she isn't so much of any of these...

Very frustrated mom

Why is mom so frustrated? That's probably part of the issue right there...

..."cannot find a husband"

When she stops looking for a husband, maybe she'll have better luck finding a guy that wants to hang around!? She is probably chasing the boys away when they sense that she is trying to "find a husband"....

They should scope the Alley Cat. 

I'm sure Trouts is full of prospects as well.

 "I'm sure Trouts is full of prospects as well."

I suppose it depends on the brand of B-town knee-slapping you're looking for?

--virgil

Sure, that's what women say. But give them the choice between the nice guy with the stable job and a "bad boy" with the tattoo and motorcycle and see what they do.
 

The saying isn't "nice girls finish last", is it?

Maybe she should go hang out at Dagny's. Didn't that one review say it was full of pretentious people? Sounds just like what the mother is looking for in a son-in-law.

Looking for someone with a decent job and no criminal record..what ever happened to getting to know someone first...opposites attract...she is starting off with preconditions--which is cool..but put them on the back-burner and get to know someone first...

Almost sounds like going grocery shopping and not buying something because it's not on sale....she needs to lighten up and live first....IMHO

I'm just looking for someone with a good retirement fund, good health and life insurance policy, fat bank account, and is an orphan with no kids. 

Other than that, I'm not picky.

Women are easy to please as long as you do everything that they say...

.....or think.

27 years old.....man I remember when I WAS 27 years old...I WAS A DOG...she's not looking for a husband..she's looking for a business partner....you couldn't keep me in the house at 27 years old..I was horn-dogging around..mainly in San Diego...

Pretty general column. I have no idea why mom is frustrated (get daughter out of the house?), what these women want, expect, are looking for. Daughter could be a closet lesbo, for all I know. Maybe ask the city fathers to declare a Sadie Hawkins Day?

HEY.....27 years old AND a mom...where's good ol' DAD.....

Nancy too funny i would add to the list that they have teeth lol

msjenny...natural or store bought?

the exact opposite could be said too about men seeking women

anyhow...maybe these men that she dates see something within her personality that scares the hell out of them.    im just sayin

Nice Girls:  go to a party, go to bed and go home.

Good Girls: go to a party, go home and go to bed (alone!)

WAS NOT looking for 2nd hubby. Went to a friends BBQ and met him. Did not go out with him when he initially asked (actually didn't want to be involved). Our first date..............we took his 3 girls and my daughter to the KC fair!!!! What was/is refreshing...............he never made "moves" on me, never yaked "trash" (you need me honey), was always a gentleman to me and my daughter. We have been married 37 years :-)

Listen folks,  its not just the young girls having trouble finding mates,  it is indeed all ages.  I am middle aged and the men I have meet usually but not always want all they can get from the gal.  We do have a shortage of good available men in Bakersfield.  A lot of the men I have come in contract with do have a wife at home that has no idea what their husband is doing.  They just are looking for a good time.  I think that our value system has gone completely downhill...  Also the men my age are looking to find a young 20 or 30 somthing gal as a trophy. And then to top it off,  those women usually find another man and take alot of what the older man has.  So it is our decline in value as people.

Bakersfield, which unfortunately wears proudly the mantle of being the nation's largest small town, does not have enough smart, intelligent, well-paid, stable young people. The ones with brains mostly leave because there's nothing here for them. We don't and won't achieve great quality of life here because we really don't want it.

There aren't decent jobs. The cultural scene is a disaster. Way too many churches...disgraceful educational situation. Three-quarters of the restaurants are Mexican mom and pop joints and the rest are chain clones. And our air quality, despite your recent column, Lois, sucks. The largest employers are anti-union and want to keep wages unrealistically low, essentially condemning local workers to indentured servitude, and educational opportunities are thwarted by denying funding.

Meanwhile, our local so-called leaders have had little to no success in finding better employers, partly because they really don't want them, preventing any real improvements in the standard of living, as they seem to be spending most of their time denying global warming, encouraging the posting of not-so-free flyers that "In God We Trust" when that is an out-and-out lie, possibly accepting bribes to approve development in the Northeast, and still trying to build a baseball stadium with public funds for yet another losing and leaving sports franchise.

And someone's wonderful daughter wonders why nobody wants to stick around here?

Ahhhhhh..VALUES.....NOW you are discribing 'the younger generation' and the lack there of...now it's biting them in the butt...she may be good looking and have a good job..but where's 'papa'...and NOW she wants to settle down with a son but no husband....ther is not VERY many men out there that wants to take on a 'ready made family'....VALUES...should have thought of that when she zigged when she should have zagged....IMHO

"anyhow...maybe these men that she dates see something within her personality that scares the hell out of them.    im just sayin"

She should try Trouts.

--virgil

Sounds good ~Virgil~...but she's looking for a man with NO criminal record..maybe that's where 'papa' is..or was...

Hey,

Is the Buckhorn still open ... um,  just curious?

I had a beer there once.

--virgil

Did I miss something?  I didn't see where the 27 yeard old in question had a son.   Lemmee go read it again.

A bar is NOT the place to find a good mate.  Unless of course you are looking for a drunk with that has picked up God knows how many other women.  It is just a place to find troubled people.  Other wise why are they hanging out in a bar..

VIRGIL:  THE ONE ON 34TH STREET??  YUP, STILL THERE!!!

Saw it on the way to a doctor appointment that was on San Dimas! :-)

Nancy: Hopefully natural lol

Ling: I took on a ready made family, it was not easy, But I got a wonderful husband out of the deal lol

If this was posted about 4 year earlier, she could have found a nice piece of man candy at the Bullpen.  Riley's across the street is a good substitute.  There are some eligible bacehlors at the Elk's right off Cottonwood, too.

I can vouch for kitkatjo's comment.  Guys who hang out in bars are usually married, divorced (maybe because they hang out in bars), have a drinking problem, are from somewhere else and just killing time and looking for a good time.  There are other reasons I realize, but I'm talking about regular barflies.  It's not gender specific but you see more regulars guys than gals.

If a bar is your only social life, you have bigger problems than trying to find a spouse.

When I was bartending people would ask what clubs I went to on my days off.  HA..you've GOT to be kidding.  Talk about a busmans holiday..no thanks.

Noone; has alot of good points in his post,,,

" man candy "

That's funny ...  my wife called me that last nite!

--virgil

Virgil, it's still there, right next to the Alano Club.   They shared a parking lot and a smoke one New Years Eve.  :-)

(edited...misspelled virgils name and attributed a falsehood to him.)

The old DJ at local Bakersfield would have a little saying at the end of the night after last call telling the people, "Be honest, you're not here for a meaningful relationship, so hurry and get those booty calls or goodnight kisses before the night is over!".

I just told 'em "you don't have to go home but you can't stay here."

Lotsa one night meaningful relationships formed at closing time.

"VIRGIL:  THE ONE ON 34TH STREET??  YUP, STILL THERE!!!"

My brother and I stopped there one afternoon ...  a lady with no teeth ( actully, poor pathetic lady with no teeth ) tried to pick my brother up.

--virgil

KITKATJO: When I was single I sometimes went on a girls night out to a bar to have a few beers and dance and just have some fun.

Have met guys in bars who were social drinkers and actually quite nice.  I guess it also depends on the lady and the "rules" she advises the guy she has! MY rules: you may buy me a drink but it ends there; we may dance but it ends there; we may meet up for breakfast but it ends there. I drive my own car and I go home alone. So, if the guy still wants to drink, dance and have breakfast after hearing my "rules" we are good to go for a fun time. If not - then as far as I'm concerned it's bye-bye.

I have also found the guy will not be upset when he realizes the lady is not going to let him spend his hard earned money (expecting gratuities) only to have the lady say night night. If "rules" are stated up front nobody's feelings get hurt. Nothing is expected.

Met my first husband on a social snow trip with friends. It turned out he was an alcoholic only I didn't know it.

Nancy,

I must confess, a seedy  bar is temptation to me sometimes.

But, I usually don't return to the ones where your feet stick to the floor in the middle of the afternoon.

--virgil

All pieces of man-candy say that...

Witter, same here on going out.  My daughter , several friends and I were all single at the same time so we used to hit the clubs for dancing.  I never "hung out" in regular bars when I wasn't working...only the clubs.  I had a couple of friends who were bartenders and I'd go visit them but not to drink or to meet guys.  Again..there was always some "problem" with the "regulars".

Yeah virgil, the criteria should be that it has to be at least after 9 before your feet stick to the floor.  We have our standards you know.

"All pieces of man-candy say that ..."

But it's true with me, no doubt.

If you don't take my word for it ... my wife will tell you.

--virgil

HAHAAAAAA  i heard the tejon club is a GREAT place to meet a possible spouse.

i got kicked out of tejon club one time many years ago for saying a cuss word, and the bartender, referring to 2 toothless women sittin at the bar, said, " youre gonna have to leave young man, we dont allow language like that here, espeically around the ladies."

LADIES???  LMAO

I met my husband 39 years ago. 

He was a "peace and freedom" party member and I was a "small town girl" from Shafter.  It was love at first sight. 

He was a scruffy, poetry quoting hulk.  I was a prim, prudish, stick.  It was love at first sight.

He was a back packing, hard drinking laborer.  I was a crocheting, phobic librarian.  It was light at first sight.

"We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout".  Difference is, we never talked about Jackson and the fire never went out.

BTW   If I outlive him, I'll live out my life alone.

You were a librarian?  I *KNEW* there was something I liked about you. :)