He wanted a "nobody moping about just get together,drink,play some music when I die"party so that is what Bakersfield will do. Wednesday the 27th at Fish Lips.

I wanted to write about Scott, I knew him well,when his Mom died I became his 2nd Mom,then as he slid into the dark years we drifted apart.What kind of man was he?

At the end he called we reconciled all the bad between us~he started to stammer a "I'm sorry" but I would not let him~he was better, I needed no sorry.But ,now, it has eaten at me ,why he did not share that he was so close to dying?

As most of you know my sons died 9 months apart in 2004.I am known for being strong,if I had a dime for each time I heard the phrase"you can handle this ~your strong"( I believe said more for the speakers reassurance than mine)I would be wealthy.So why? Why did Scott not tell me? Because He knew exactly how thin this line I tread every day is...he knew even I had limits.

So he kept his great secret~perhaps he had other reasons as well.But I know he tried to protect me one last time..till he could protect me no more.That is the kind of man he grew into.Flea has said the most Punk thing you can do is find someone and love them.Here is to the King of Punks,he loved many and in the end himself.My friend,my son ~Scott. Blessed Be and R.I.P.

http://news.com.com/8301-10... .  

 Follow this link and read the back stories about the emails the White House says it "deleted".One question comes to my mind.With the Vice Presidents claim to be "not part of the executive branch" and this story...Just when will the American people wake up and cry "Impeach"? These folks are clearly hiding something,and I will bet none of us will like what it is.

Another great film that if it came here, I must have blinked.

A small middle school in the American Appalachia's is very homogeneous,so  to learn about diversity ,they study the Holocaust.What starts a a simple thing grows into one of the most moving documentary's I have ever seen.You see true Christianity,true tolerance in action.You see some personal moments that transform lives.You see love in action.You see a pebble hiting the pond,the ripples pulsing forth.You see what is  six million.You see why this story of death must never be denied or forgotten.

5 out of 5 stars.

I went to another world last night~not made it back over the borderline, but wanted to send you this postcard~wish you were here.

Stumbled upon this from a Roger Ebert review.You have seen Dave Mckean's art,but may not realized who he is.The writing done by his long time pal Neil Gaiman(currently writing the screen play for "Beowulf") is masterful.Some found the story too light.To my eye the classic hero's quest coupled with a coming of age tale was just enough to take my eye from one stunning visual to the next.The clip is just one moment when the hero is caught,transformed .One of my favorites,it caress's you while it makes you shudder.The Henson Company produced,another film soon to be released is "Varjak Paw"..I am at a loss with the film,in love ,afraid of it all at once.One reviewer said"It is a Fairy tale ~on acid~ safe for children"

Ok~ I am a huge movie geek! But this http://link.brightcove.com/... will get you to a quick trailer of "No Country for Old Men"~ starring the ever cool Tommy Lee Jones,uber villain Javier Bardem,Woody Harleson and many other actors.It may a really good shoot 'em up,always hard to tell if you just saw the best parts of the movie or that is just a teaser~Check it out when it comes by here~however briefly!

On this one I have got my fingers,toes,and whatever else cross's crossed."Kool Aid Acid Test"by Woolfe is going to be a movie.Gus Van Zandt directs,and Lance Black(Big Love) is doing the screen play.The Big Questions Are :who will play Kesey?Tim Leary? Sony Bardger? Steve &Anna Gasker(sp?)Wavy Gravy?Paul Krassner? Stuart Brand? Dr.T.Leary? Dr Hunter S.Thompson?(Depp! I hope) Neal Cassidy? Mountain Girl aka Mrs. Jerry Garcia? The rest of the Dead? this could go so right and so wrong~but I have hope.

For those who are too young,old in 1964 armed with then legal LSD, a painted bus they crossed the country.Anyone and everyone could be a "Merry Prankster" But Kesey was strict about what a prank was.No one could be harmed physically and the person pranked had to be enlightened at the end.At  11 years of age alas I was way to young, but the Farm, the Hog Farm were part and parcel of my "time".This was before the descent of the summer of love into the despair of later years~which undeniably came.

"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a crib-house whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and riffle [sic] their pockets for new vocabulary" James D.Nicoll

I have been thinking a lot about the language debate here and around the country. When people call for English only several problems come immediately to mind. First language is constantly changing~ spelling, usage change and the creation of new words thrive in a “living “language. A quick imaginary trip around America shows that English has regional aspects , as well as cultural ones.

Secondly if the call for English only is heeded, here are a few concepts that we will need words for: Kangaroo, boomerang , banjo, banana, apartheid, admiral ,adobe ,albacore ,alcohol ,alfalfa, apricot, ginseng, ketchup, silk, yen(yearn), dollar, robot ,howitzer, avast, ahoy, filibuster, forlorn hope ,gas, autumn, letter, people ,vernacular ,kiwi ,mako, gingham ,bamboo ,shampoo , calico, vanilla, tuna, trampoline,. tobacco, tomato, silo, ranch, plaza, peccadillo, and grenade. The great states of Montana, Nevada, and Florida will be accepting suggestions as well. Word smiths estimate that between 1/3 to 2/3 of English is French some claim 40%.At the minimum that would make a list of at least 30,000 words.

This is just a thought provoking post, most of us understand what we mean when we speak English. It is meant to make one wonder at the miracle of communication, the ever evolving interplay of cultures and language

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wik... is a link to many more, and some interesting articles on “borrowing” words.

The summer of 2005 I was gifted a free trip to Cancun.The company of my G.F. rewarded her with a week for two at a resort,tourista trap par excellence. As most of you know 2004 was ,to say the least, a bad year for me.My eldest Christopher dead at 33 in April, then Kelsey only 17 years old that December.I had never even been out of the country,and travel on my $800 a month was limited to the grocery store. This was to be my "reward",still here ,still breathing and a "benchmark" for my personal healing.The plan to go,have a blast and come home to get serious about my life.

So ,even though it was not yet required by law,dutifully off we went to the passport office.My friend ,Lorry was paying for that too~more trips on the horizon, and we had heard the process was going to get harder. I had read the web site cover to cover,as it were, and when we got there all the information was wrong.But the staff there was wonderful,and off went my adoption papers ,the passport to be mine in a few weeks.Some weeks later a letter arrives explaining that more proof of my identity was required.The catch, the ever helpful local staff explained to us,was the lack of an "official" birth certificate with my name.As was the custom then my birth certificate says "baby girl" (last name), to protect the birth mother,and so when the adoption was finalized, the court could issue me a certificate with the name my parents gave me.Okay armed with the list I photocopied the following,all at least 3 years or older identifying documents 1. work ID with picture (why did I save that ?) 2. California ID card(yes, G.F. paid for that too)3.First marriage certificate,divorce decree,second marriage certificate(By this time I had 4 different last names).4.School transcripts.5.Birth certificates of both of my sons(if they were born surely I was I,wasn't I?) 6.Income tax/W2 forms(no problem there proving I was I)7.Banking records 8.Social Security Card(Not to be used as an identity document!) I could have used the article about Kelsey and me from the paper, but it was put away with the remembrance box holding his things.Off it all went,the staff assuring us we did not need to spend the extra money to expedite the issuance of the passport....waiting ..waiting ,two days before take off time no passport~they needed more time to verify the adoption.

Now mind you I was born in Santa Barbara, lived in this state my whole life~which was a tad complicated as you can tell by all of the above...and really was me,or so I,and portions of the United States government, had assumed.If I had this much trouble,how must it be for those trying to immigrate?So I feared getting back into the country, at least being held at the airport for hours or even days.Off went my very sad,and poorer friend.I whimpered and whined a bit and finally got the passport on the last day of the vacation that was not.

I had forgiven the powers that be,shrugged it all off till this final indignity..the passport office is so overwhelmed that now you can fly into Canada,Mexico with out your passport..and if you spend the money to expedite your passport,do not receive it in time. can get your $60 back.Sigh~they owe me and thousands of others a vacation!That is not going to happen.But if a certain Beauty Supply Store located in a  major shopping destination off of Rosedale Hwy  does well~Mexico may well be in my sights.Need any shampoo??

The curious thing about these religions,Judaism,Islam and Christianity is they were all started by the controversy caused by a horny old goat Abraham.I do not mean to offend ,but today when a man is sleeping with,and impregnates two women while married to one..horny is a flattering description.I know some think what a lucky guy !The crux is :who is more legitimate,Issac born of the wife or Ismael born of the servant? This story at it's end brings the brothers together to bury their father~something shared by the two cultures.That moment,which may or may not,have happened is a great allegory for where man finds himself now~stuck still in the question.We have buried the father~now can we unite or just keep the hate?Just how loud does your God have to shout?Never mind any who believe otherwise,we must hope they work this out~some of the religious have WMD,and or millions willing to wipe the earth clean in "service" of their God.

Each sect considers theirs to be "the chosen", the one " true path",the way, the "arm of God".Does God condemn you to hate? Does he allow that? Does he dream of that?

The Old Testament ultimately says NO,the New Testament  ultimately says NO,the Koran ultimately says NO. In deed nearly every system of belief decries hate and killing.The slaughter of Christan's,of Jews,of Muslims is the story of Cain and Able.How can you kill your brother?

Forces of hate will use anything to further their quest~religion,race,values,nationhood,sex,physica lity~ to attain power.It is to each person to perceive these individuals as not representative of Islam,Christianity or Judaism.They only cloak themselves in the outer trappings~ they serve no God but themselves. If we believe they are what they pretend , we serve evil ,not God. We must answer this age old question ,for mankind to continue we need to bury the sons of Abraham.And practice the path of Peace. 

For those who believe other paths, our interest in the parties working this to a conclusion is no less vital~they have the power to blow us all to..???

 The Truth is out there,I know it .Clearly in 1942, 11 years before my birth the city knew I would buy this house,and deliberately gave me shoddy concrete!I will not rest till the culprit is exposed,and he apologizes from his grave!The truth is out there, maybe some concrete patch is on sale too...

I was doing the clean up after the mowing and noticed how badly my gutter is eroded,the smooth top layer is gone,exposing the rocky concoction under neath. I looked around and I am the only one on both sides of my block in this condition!! Clearly this is some vast conspiracy~ are any others here so targeted???

JOKE!! but I was wondering what I can do.The water does not flow right,and the gutter will just keep deteriorating.I am very aware the city has no money to fix it.So I was wondering what could I use to repair it myself? And will anyone post bail after I have been arrested for street repair???

 What follows is why I do what I do,hopefully others will find what they need to heal themselves from the need to  abuse,hate and bully.

I was verbally and physical abused for most of my childhood.As I grew into an young woman I found myself in situations of my own doing~uncomfortable ones.This resulted a good deal of time spent in self examination~not looking in a mirror,but analyzing my life"Oh ,there you tried to fool yourself",There you pretended not to see","Ouch ,,right there you lied" "Right there, you went out of your way to hurt another".I did what therapists call "inner work" to stop self sabotaging,to ice down my overly hot temper(yes.me!),to be true to myself. Then I began to see events from as many possible perspectives,"truths"if you will, as I could.Instead of  events being black and white,shades of gray appeared.

All of this was hard work,it hurt,and at times it seemed pointless.But, and it is a big one,the  effort that others around me used to stay self indulgently stuck looked like harder work to me. They never got happier or more content. They just kept repeating,getting more and more miserable in the process.

As a child the adults around me gave what they had received as children themselves. A key moment for me was the afternoon my Mother sat me down to watch "The Bad Seed",an evil little adopted girl,way over the top Hollywood stuff,kills and connives her way through the movie till she is killed by a lightening bolt from the sky.I will never forget the look ,a sly smile,her asking me what I thought of adopted people."Well they must be very bad".She told me then I was adopted.I do not remember what happened after that.Except what I was told about it latter,and if I screamed and cried enough I could manipulate the adults around me.Much later ,my poor Mothers face came back to me in a different way~I saw how mental and physical disease would allow an adult to do such a thing to a 5 year old.

I never condoned those choices that adults make so it is "okay" for them to abuse,but I had to understand them or stand in danger of repeating.I also could not forget,but I had to forgive them,that required compassion.Why forgive them? Hating them still meant they "owned me" in a sense, Hate would not heal me.Most importantly forgiveness for them,allowed me to forgive myself.

I learned how to protect myself,how not to allow abuse.That came in handy for when I met my biological mother ,on our first meting she said "I just hated it,oh I mean you" in reference to her being pregnant with me.I just thought "Hello mom" and she have to try harder.I find eventually abusers are stupefied by no response,and usually move on to more "co-operative "game.

Every survivor has their own path.like grief no one way works for all of us. We each find a place to stand~some even die for that spot. Peace is my stance.I am content to die for it,but it is best lived.