If a fishing trip is defined by whether you catch fish, we failed at Lopez Lake over the weekend.

My wife, Mary, and I tried several spots. Our fish findeer beeped like crazy at one of them. But not a single bite.

So how come we felt we had a great time?

It was the sunsets at the lake and the Highway 166 going over to it, a trillion stars on Friday night (you get out of Bakersfield and you can actually see what's up there), Kahlua by the campfire, a ribeye medium rare on the grill and  the abundance of wildlife.

There were  deer that ate chips out of Mary's hands (yes, I know shame on her);   wild tkurkeys we had to stop on the road for, about 30 quail that wandered near our campsite, fawns that pranced through the same area and a bird fest all over the lake.

There were blue herons, white egrets, cormorants, ducks of all shapes and sizes, turkey vultures and golden eagles. A few fish would have been nice, but we were satisfied with the rest.

I am a law abiding citizen. Not like some of you out there.

When I got my vehicle registration form in the mail, I sent in the money, got my 2010 sticker tag and slapped in on my car.

I am, if nothing else, a model citizen.

But I park in the downtown parking garage. Last week, someone broke into the cars of two Californian employees. But what is worse (at least to me personally), someone took my 2010 sticker on my license plate..

So on Sunday after leaving church, I was speeding down Ming Avenue on my way to play golf.

I stopped at Ashe Road next to a motorcycle Bakersfield police officer. The light turned green as we headed east and all of a sudden, the officer turned on his emergency lights.

I got myself all prepared to tell him that he in no way had a chance to catch me speeding. But to my surprise, Officer J. Paglia tells me I don't have my license tag.

I pulled out my registration. It is up to date. Just as you would expect from a model citizen.

Officer Paglia let me go. He advised me how to go to the DMV to correct this.

On Monday, I parked in the same parking garage. I was too busy that day to go to the DMV. I went out to my car at night and another Bakersfield police officer had written me a ticket for not having a registration sticker.

It says the bail is $100.

Wow. This lawlessness can get expensive.

And what's with those cops? Don't they talk to each other? Paglia already let me go.

The ticket also says I can get fix it by getting a new tag and taking it to the police who will sign off on it.

So today I went to the DMV expecting the wait of a lifetime. The room is packed. I got a form to fill out. I found a seat in the corner away from the video screens where you can actually see what number is being called.

The lady next to me says she's been there more than an hour. I half listen to the numbers being called. Mine is C 040. I hear lots of B's and some G's, but no C's.

Then I hear C 041. I've only been there 20 minutes. I am shocked. How can the DMV possibly be that efficient?

Nonetheless, I proceeded to a window. A nice lady waited on  me even though I have missed my turn. She gave me a sticker. She said it will cost me $18.

I gave her a $20 and didn't leave a tip. But I smiled and was friendly to her.

I drove over to the police department where a desk officer signed the back of my ticket, affirming that I am back in the ranks of model citizens.

The officer, however,told me that when I send the corrected ticket to the authorities in Santa Ana, they will charge me a $15 processing fee. This raised my out of pocket expense for being a crime victim to $33.

I sent a note to Santa Ana asking them to waive the fee because I am a crime victim. I am pretty sure the clerk who opens the envelope will get a chuckle out of that and toss the request.

I, of course, don't want to go through this whole ordeal again. So I asked the desk officer  if there is a correct way to put the sticker on.

Turns out there is. And it isn't the way I had been doing it. (Even model citizens goof up)

What I did was put my sticker on top of the old ones. That actually makes it easier for the thief to slip a knife under it and peel it off.

But if you peel off the old one and put the sticker on the metal plate, it is harder for the thief to get off in one usuable piece. The officer said it gives him personal comfort to know that if his sticker is stolen, at least the crook can't use it..

My boss, the esteemed Breaking News Team leader Davin McHenry, said he puts his sticker on top of the others, but he slices it in half with a razor blade. That makes it harder for the crooks to peel it off and use it intact, he says.

So what we've learned here is you can be a victim of a crime and it will cost you money. It cost my co-workers about $150 each to repair the damage to their car windows.

I know some victims pay hundreds or thousands of dollars. So what's a measly $33?

It's an injustice.

I visited Washington DC last week and felt it important to go with my sister and grand niece to Five Guys Burgers and Fries because Michelle Obama took her staff there in February.

The First Lady got a lot more press than I did.

But I mention this here because it was about as good a hamburger and fries as I've had in a burger joint. I had a cheeseburger ($5.59) which has two patties and a choice of 15 toppings you can put on it.

(mayo, relish, onions, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, grilled mushrooms, ketchup, mustard, jalapeno peppers, green peppers, A-1 sauce, bar-b-q sauce, and hot sauce)

I put relish, grilled onions, tomatoes, grilled mushrooms, ketchup and mayo on mine. The clerk at the Georgetown Five Guys, a nice man by the name of Steve, explained all this too me. Plus he kind of insisted I try their fries. Glad he did. They were about the best fries I've had anywhere.

Five Guys is expanding in the country, including two within 120 miles from Bakersfield -- Carson and Cerritos. So if you go there or one of them comes here, you might want to check it out.

Michelle Obama has pretty good taste.

A friend asked me to post this:

 
An excellent song and video. One of the best I have seen in a long time! I had to watch it three times to just begin to see what it took to put it together. A masterpiece! It's a song written by Keith Carradine and performed by artists from all over the country. It will be performed Sunday night at a Gala at  Washington 's Renaissance Hotel. It has a powerful message, just listen to (and read) the words. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
 
www.bornagainamerican.org <http://www.bornagainamerica...
 


 

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This isn't an R-rated admission on what I do on my patio. This is about doves and baby doves who have parked in a nest above a speaker box on my patio.

During the first week in May, my wife and I went on a cruise (booked for Mexico, but diverted to California because of a flu that didn't come within 400 miles of our destinations). We boarded three dogs during that week.

When we returned, we found a dove nest and a momma dove perched there keeping the eggs warm. Papa dove would fly to our fence to check in on his brood. I'm told papa also sits on the nest to give mom a break, but I can't say I've seen that.

Late last week, we saw something new. Momma dove feeding two baby doves. This is kind of a disgusting process. Momma has this milk-like substance in her throat that she shares with the babies.

Later, she goes out and swallows some seeds, brings them back up to her throat and spills the barf into the eager young mouths. Well, who knows, maybe they think us eating chicken is pretty disgusting too.

My wife is two things. She loves animals and she's a worrier. Right now, she's worried the baby doves will learn how to fly by bouncing around in our backyard within reach of the  dogs.

Two of our dogs have already proven they can fight over an adult bullfrog that thought our pool was better for him than the sump behind our house. After my wife alerted me to this lunch brawl with a blood-curdling scream worthy of any horror movie, we were able to save the frog.

We don't want the baby doves to be munchies for the dogs. So over the next few days we will be limiting their outdoor activities.

We also have limited our own mornings of reading the newspaper on the patio so the birds can eat in piece without the sounds of a birdcage liner.

I'll let you know if the birds are able to successfully fly away. We just ask that come Sept. 1, you spare our little buddies from the shotgun perils of dove season.

Princess Cruises won't take me to Mexico. Instead, they're taking me to California.

I'm not happy about this. I've been to California.

But instead of the warm beaches of Puerto Vallarta, Matzalan and Cabo San Lucas, we'll be going to San Diego, Santa Barbara and San Francisco where the high temperatures are predicted to be in the 60s.

And I've been to the zoo, the mission and the wharf.

If I seem upset, I am.

I had no problem going to Mexico, notwithstanding the swine flu scare. The  scare didn't scare me because  there is zero evidence that it was any where near the Mexican Riviera.

Yes, Mexico City and yes, Cancun, had reported outbreaks, but they are 450 and 1,300 miles away from where we were going. No one can sneeze that far.

Put another way, I don't get all worked up when someone gets a runny nose in Phoenix.

I was willing to sign a waiver, promising not to sue Princess if I got a fever — something besides looking at bikini clad senoritas on the beach — as a swine flu symptom.

Besides, I wasn't worried about getting sick. I used to eat dirt as a child and my immune system is terrific. Notwithstanding that little cancer thing I had, but that was a woman's fault, not some little germ thing floating in the air.

My wife doesn't agree with me on this. She thinks the cruise ship companies know more than they are telling. And what they are not telling us is scary and dangerous.

I don't give cruise ship companies credit for squelching a deadly disease if it broke out in the Mexican Riviera.

What my wife and I do agree on is this is an insurance company thing. Some chicken little insurance company not wanting to take a risk regular folks like me would take in a heart beat.

So now were going to California where the ocean breezes will make us shiver. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a cold.

I won't bother suing though. Princess is going to give us half off on our next cruise. We're going to Mexico next year.

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Fire and evacuation of Plaza Towers on Wilson Road was the assignment.

I went out there with photographer Casey Christie and the first person we run into is Stuart Darling, a Bakersfield firefighter.

It was a reunion. In the fall of 2007, I met Darling during my first session of chemotherapy for throat cancer.  He's a very funny guy and he made the not so funny chemotherapy kind of fun.

Stuart had the same cancer I had.  Operative word is had. The cancer is all gone for both of us.

Our throats were ravaged by radiation and my saliva glands are not like they used to be. I asked Stuart about his -- he raised a water bottle. That means he needs a little help with swallowing too.

But we're both very healthy. He returned to his firefighting job a few weeks ago. I have a lightweight newspaper reporter job so I've been working full-time for about a year.

Stuart's brother had throat cancer too. He showed me his stomach tube, a little something Stuart and I both got in order to eat. Ours have been removed, but his brother's is still in.

Advances in cancer treatment have helped those who got their cancer later to avoid some of the not so pleasant after effects, such as the need to keep a stomach tube for years.

For that we are thankful. It was great to catch up.

We reported on our front page, where it belongs by the way, that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wants to tax a round of golf.

And auto repairs, veterinary care, amusement park and sporting event admissions, and appliance and furniture repair. In other words services, not things.

Get real, Arnie. My sand wedge upside of your head is the real terminator.

Sort of kidding there, Big Guy. I really don't want to ding my sand wedge.

But let's just say you stop dinging us. We don't tax services, Dude.

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Sunday was a beautiful day to visit Red Rock Canyon, about 20 minutes north of Mojave on Highway 14.

Didn't matter that the visitor center there was closed -- the rest of the park was open for walking around great scenery.

My wife and I walked hand-in-hand, except once when it got a little too sweaty, and marveled at the changing landscape every couple hundred feet or so.

We even got a little excited at the bear tracks in one of the damp creekbeds. They're nocturnal, I reminded my wife.

I've been passing Red Rock each year for 23 years on my way up to Bishop/Mammoth for fishing trips. Never stopped in.

But it seems someone in my two-party household thinks I play too much golf. I can assure you it's not me.

"I want to go someplace warm and be with you," the other party said.

Red Rock fit the bill perfectly although we welcomed the cool breeze on our hikes. I estimated we walked about 5 miles (about the length of an 18-hole golf course, incidentally) and had a nice picnic lunch.

We walked up Hagen Canyon on the west side of Highway 14 and Iron Canyon on the east side of the Highway.

I thought it would be boring with the same scenery. But it wasn't because the scenery kept changing.

There wasn't much wildlife -- a few lizards and a few birds. No bears.

But we were alone much of the time, enabling us to talk about all manner of personal things. That itself was worth the trip.

As we were coming back from the Iron Canyon trail, we passed a couple and the man joked, "Everywhere we go, there's a crowd."

More information is available here.

It was a very nice trip. Sand but no bunkers. Not that I missed the bunkers. I was with the love of my life.

This is just so wrong.

Because of a lawsuit by the Center for Biological Diversity (what the heck is that anyway?), the state Fish and Game Department will stop planting rainbow trout in the Kern River above Kernville until 2010.

The purported reason is that the plants threaten endangered species such as the Golden Trout.

Sometimes you just need to back up and look at the big picture. Let me help you do that.

I'm not sure there's been a Golden Trout in that stretch of the Kern River in decades, maybe centuries for all I know.

That stretch is a popular fishing spot for families and fisher people of all sorts. Many businesses rely on that to keep afloat.

Does this mean the Golden Trout be dammed? No. There are plenty of Golden Trout in, of all places, the Golden Trout Wilderness further up in the Eastern Sierra.

I'm one of those fishermen who happily trek up to the higher elevations to catch the little cuties. And I put them right back because it's the right thing to do and they're too small to eat anyway.

But I also go camping at Rivernook just outside of Kernville and I love to catch rainbow trout there. And I'm suggesting people and the Kernville economy is more important in that area that trying to entice some Golden Trout back to that area.

That's a win-win situation. There is no need to have Golden Trout everywhere.

For any further discussion, I would refer you to George Carlin's Saving the Planet speech.