Does it *HAVE* to be the opposite sex to constitute cheating, Tina?  

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To answer your question, no, I don't believe "chatting is cheating."  Online sex may or may not be, depending on whether you know your partner(s) would object.  (Mine wouldn't, but your mileage may vary). 

I new that question was going to be asked as soon as I re-read my post ha ha :-D

No, I guess it can be same if ones into that :-0

Chatting is absolutely cheating. An emotional affair is sometimes more damaging than a physical affair. Besides, left unchecked, it can evolve from chatting on line or on the phone to face to face.  It's almost as if the cheater is living a double life - the committed happy face they show their spouse and the secretive, paranoid they really are inside.

Chatting is just that...chatting.  I have a male on line friend and we've been chatting almost daily for about 8 years.  .  We say howdy..what's up?..how's it going..you know..stuff like that.  He brags on his wifes cooking, his daughters career choice and upcoming wedding.  He talks about a patent he's working on and a business he and his wife are buying.  One year he sent me a tape of his churches youth choir contata.  (shock..his wife knew about it !!!)  When I was off work for months with surgery, he sent me a box of books because we share tastes in books..and he's a nice person.

Not once..not ever..did it develop into anything more than that.  In fact I often refer to him as my on line neighbor.  Some days the IM is no more than "what's up?"  answer "the rent".    "I took pics of my hosta (flowers) and will send."  answer  .."cool, bring 'em on."

The entire reason for this blog started because my best friend found some old e mails on her husbands computer.

The first few were innocent enough (like Nancy mentioned) but the next few contained pictures and little notes like "got spicer ones to send?"

She was beside herself and being a good friend I tried to assure her it was most likely innocent crap. But, the more I thought on it and thought about what if it were my husband doing this, I know I consider it cheating.

I know I would never cheat it just is not my life. But, if a partner enjoys "looking around" whos to say he or she won't cross the line?

Some people are good at being honest and loyal.

Some just are dirt that never seem satisfied!

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cyber chatting can lead to an emotional cyber affair, and lead to an in-person 'meeting' etc.

it happened to me, i left my husband for a cyber chat/affair. after a year, the "new one" didnt work out.

but,  i think most folks CAN cyber chat/blog and e-mail as friends ONLY, not much different than being work associates and neighbors in 'real-life' ...

'things' happen when we want them to, and that is that. 

Len

I don't think it is cheating.I tell my wife about the folks I meat on here.Just because your married does not mean you can't have friends.I like to hear other folks Iders and what's up in there life.Can you think what kind of world it would be like if we distrusted everyone?There would be no reason to be Married if I had to live like that. If I could not be trusted buy my wife.Not everyone one is a PERVERT.I think this is the only place where all ages of folks from all around the USA can talk.Get new IDERS [DO LIKE that word]IDERS from that bike TV thing.   [CHOPPER]HA!HA!Plus I like having contact with folks from or use to live in Bakersfield.WE are NOT LIKE MOST CALIFORNIA'S just remember a lot of us came from OKIES In fact I am first generation OKIE and very Proud of it.My Grandfather was the Little Family in the 1930's who stared building what is now SOUTHGATE Bakersfield's TOP of the line OKKIE home I love it there on Lawson Rd.Hope to hear from you all.Boy do I miss Buck  and the BUCKAROOS.I'm a RED-NECK OKIE and proud of it.I spell like one to HA!HA!   SEMPER- FI

Interesting question that brings attention to a lot of important forces in play, Tina.

Speaking as someone who is ultra-liberal on sexual matters, I have what promise to be interesting answers.

Secretiveness is indeed the key to cheating.  Not only does it represent a "wall" in your relationship that shouldn't be there, but it's a wall that must be maintained over time.  It's a form of lying, and anyone who has told a lie and tried to maintain it over time knows that it eventually falls apart and you have to eat a pound of crow.  And when that happens, the cumulative poison of distrust is introduced to the relationship.

The advent of the Internet has definitely enabled heightened secrecy -- in the short term.  But just as with traditional secretiveness and lying, it gets progressively harder to cover your tracks.  One in seven calls to Focus on the Family's pastoral help line involves pastors who are "addicted" to porn.  (I dispute the belief that enjoying porn is a bad thing, but that's another topic.)  But the common thread in many of these pastoral calls is the Internet enables temporary secrecy.

If you want a really strong, absolutely indestructible relationship, you must first accept one another's human nature for what it is, and then be completely honest with your partner -- and if your partner is uncomfortable, knock it off.  Period.  Randomfactor, it seems, is on exactly the same page as I am.

It is necessary to abandon the notion that wandering sexual thoughts suddenly become wrong or unfaithful the moment you begin a stable relationship.  It is necessary for a very simple reason: it is impossible to turn off your sexual human nature.  It's part of what we as human beings are.  Otherwise, you enter into your relationship with ready-made reasons to distrust one another, and built-in pressures to lie and deceive.

Given the lifetime of conditioning by our culture, I realize that's not easy.  But the concept represents a starting point, and the realization of it, an ideal.

I and my wife of 17 years are virtually never seen apart.  (Except at my office...  But having to actually go to work is a relatively recent development, as I spent the prior 14 years working at home.  With my wife.)  Yet we freely point out to one another passers-by whom we think are "hot."  And if I'm looking at a kinky porn site, and my wife walks by, it's "hey sweetie, check this one out!"

Neither of us have ever, ever cheated.  That level of honesty and trust is an awesome thing and is incredibly liberating.  It takes time to develop.  But it never, ever will if you ever "cheat" as defined above.