If you judge people, you have no time to love them. - freethinker's Blog - Bakersfield.com

what does intelligence have to do with anything?

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 10:02:57 PDT

I get it... I'm not smart. I'm a average, perhaps even lower. I *want* to be smarter, but I'm not. I'm not a "traditional" college graduate. The only college I can get through is vocational. I'm more of a hands-on person. I handle electronics well, I pick up things fast. But I cannot for the life of me pass algebra. I'm envious of people who are book smart.

But in the grand scheme of things, what does it really mean to be intelligent? What does IQ have to do with anything? Does the ability to get an "A" in a difficult class define a person? Does it make them BETTER than anyone else? Can someone use book smarts/intelligence as a reason to talk lowly of someone else?

I know a lot of smart people. People who can take 5-6 college classes at a time and get nearly ALL A's. I know people who know medicene and medical terminology as a second language. But at the same time, they've got their weaknesses too. They can whip up an essay or get 100% on a quiz yet they struggle with basic things in life, and it takes them a long time to know how to work the cable TV. or a cell phone.

I know I've been arrogant in my life and thought less of others because of what comes naturally to me. I know better today. Just because I can pick up a camera, a cell phone, a MP3 player, whatever, and learn to use it in minutes, it doesn't make me better than anyone else. It comes so easy to me that there isn't much effort involved.

Smart people can be dumb and dumb people can be smart. What really matters is how you treat people .If you look down on others then you're not treating others nicely, and probably not the way YOU want to be treated.

Don't discount someone because of what they don't have.

Importance of fathers

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 12:00:43 PDT

I'm so grateful for this speech. The absense of Fathers leaves a huge hole in the hearts of children. No matter how "bad" the fathers can behave, it is very important to the child. I love this speech, he really gets to the heart of the matter. It isn't that difficult to make a child feel loved, valued and appreciated. And I praise those fathers who give that uncondtionally to their kids. The rest of you.............. why are you not? They need you.

Beating the school bullies

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 11:46:17 PDT

http://www.bakersfield.com/news/local/x820007434/Beating-the-school-bullies

I'm so glad I saw this story in the local section of the newspaper/website. It is ridiculous and completely outrageous what people/kids can get away with. The problem seems to get worse and worse. In this story the bullies video taped the bullying and put it on youtube. I guess "bragging" rights aren't limited to just talking anymore.

"She has been pushed and kicked, Nicole said. "Feed me" sticky notes were stuck to her back. Books were knocked out of her hands in the hallway. And she's been called a stream of names, from ugly to cow to slut.

The year of bullying has left her daughter's self-esteem and faith in making friends in tatters, Dowda said."

This is a serious issue and I'm very happy to see that schools are taking it seriously.

Don't really have anything to add, I'm just happy to see the article and pass it along.

chid abuse prevention month

Thu, 16 Apr 2009 15:58:28 PDT

I read in the Family magazine that April is the month for Child Abuse Prevention. I know this is very important, since most abuse goes on without any knowledge. I'm not an expert, all I have is my own experience, but there is all types of abuse, physical, sexual, and even emotional and verbal. There is no lesser here, abuse is abuse. Period. I believe anytime a parent takes away the basic human right from their child--that's abuse. This video I believe does an excellent job of showing it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThmuuGUTF7g

Parents are supposed to be role models.
If they model bad behavior, the results are painfully horrible when the child grows up.

Children Learn What They Live (1998)
by Dorothy Law Nolte (1924 - 2005)

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

What can we do?

Honestly? I have no idea. I believe awareness is vital. And if you know of a kid being abused, do your homework and find out what you can do. I can imagine speaking up is NOT always the best solution. Especially in cases with physical abuse.

love

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:52:13 PDT

Love for me has always felt like never never land. It's something that I've never had growing up, not true, unconditional love.

I love watching Nanny 911, I believe that entire show is about loving our families. I love watching the transition, from both the parents and the kids. There's a lot of families who desperately need help, and I think its wonderful that an outsider comes in, takes a look around and tells them what needs to change to make everyone happier.

I see God in these Nannies. They observe, tell the truth, tell what changes need to be made, give them the tools they need and help them along the way to make peace at home. The nannies don't retract what they tell the parents when they get upset. They don't sugar coat it.

I think we could all use a nanny in our lives. I know I do. It's a commandment of Christians to love our enemies, to bless them and to pray for them. To do good to them, to outpour so much love for them and to never do harm for them. I certainly do NOT do that. I blame, I make excuses, I say "But God, dont You know when I tried to love them? Look at all the damage they caused me!! I don't want to love them!" Of course I don't! Loving our enemies goes against everything we know in this society. Blow em up! Tease them! Put them down! Kill em all!! Before I became a christian I was a fan of Kill Bill. The ULTIMATE revenge movie. Lots and lots of deaths. Over what? Yes she had every reason to be angry. But to kill as many people she did? Now I see how pointless it is. Yeah she got what she wanted in the end, but at so many peoples expense!

Last night I was at a place where my "enemies" are. One of them was kind to me. It was weird. Very weird, it touched me deeply. I'm not a crier, but it made me cry. It surely would be nice if earth was like heaven, where everyone lives at peace, there's no fighting, strife or suffering. That would really be nice. But that's not the case. That's never been the case. But as I continue to learn, I see how much we learn from our enemies. God doesn't want me to love my enemies because it causes me pain and suffering.. quite the opposite. We receieve love from God when we do. I know the tears I cried yesterday were healing tears. Because deep inside, I know I don't want to be hated and persecued by my enemies, I want love from them. And to get love, I must give it first...

(and as i type this I know I'll read this later and probably get mad about it!!!!)

friends

Sat, 10 May 2008 11:27:38 PDT

I've had all sorts of friends. Skinny ones, fat ones, successful ones, not-so-successful ones, lazy ones, active ones, friends with half a dozen kids, friends with no kids.. but what are their similiarites and differences? It has absolutely nothing to do with what I listed above.

My very first friend, I didn't make until 6th grade. We had a ton in common. We were both "outcasts" in school.. you know the ones.. the ones the other kids stayed away from as if we had boiles all over our skin and by merely looking at us they'd catch our disease. I have no idea what was so repelling about us, but that's how it felt. We met one day playing teatherball. Both of us were really good, the napolean dynamites of the school. I don't really remember if we played very competively, which is probably why we got along so well. we both knew we were good, and we just loved playing the game. We also looked like sisters (we went to a pretty dominantly upper class "white" school), and we both had the love of goofing off and laughing. It makes me smile when I think about the fact that we would spend all day together at school, and almost immediately come home and talk on the phone for hours. (who needs homework?) we had so much fun together. I never questioned her acceptance and her friendship. we teased each other a lot, in love.

After life happened, friendships changed dramatically. Everything I felt with my first friend was GONE. Friendship became the complete opposite. It felt like a constant contest, something to be "earned", feeling as though I was always under a microscope, over criticised, every flaw about me was like a huge obvious mole. It was highly uncomfortable. After many, many, MANY years of this, I've forgotten what it's like to truly BE a friend, and what is a friend.

So what am I learning about what is a true friend? Well, firstly, I know I don't do all these things for others, but I have the desire to...

A friend walks in when everyone walks out.
A friend is someone you want to be around when you want to be alone.
A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you've forgotten the tune.
A friend listens with their heart, not just their ears.
A friend lifts you up, gives encouragement when you are down.
A friend is someone who laughs when you laugh. Not laugh when you fall.
A friend lets you talk, even when they might be tired of hearing what you're talking about.
A friend lets you have your emotions and never tries to change them.
A friend loves you at your worst.
A friend never tries to change you.
A friend is someone you can sit with, comfortably in silence.
A friend is someone that you cannot imagine your life without because you would miss them so much.
A friend is someone you can tell secrets to and trust that they will keep it to themselves and won't bring it up to shame you later.
A friend sees your flaws, and may tease you about them but never tries to change you.
Friends may not understand what you do, and why you do it, but waits patiently for you. Never rushes.

I could probably go on and on, but this is what I am learning. I am learning that this list is exactly who Jesus is, and there is no other friendship like His.

God doesn't demand perfection

Sat, 10 May 2008 11:03:01 PDT

A water bearer in India had two large pots hanging at the ends of a pole that he carried across his neck. One of the pots was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master's house. The other pot had a crack in it, and by the time it reached its destination, it was only half full. Every day for two years the water bearer delivered only one and one-half pots of water to the master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments—perfect to the end for which it was made. The poor little cracked pot was ashamed of its imperfections and miserable that it could accomplish only half of what it had been designed to do. After two years of what the imperfect pot perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer and said, "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you."

"Why?" asked the bearer, "What are you ashamed of?"

"Well, for these past two years, I have been able to deliver only half a load of water each day because this crack in my side allows water to leak out all the way back to the master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all this work without getting the full value of your efforts," the pot said.

The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path." Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot noticed the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because half of its load had leaked out once again.

Then the bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of the path and not on the other pot's side? That's because I've always known about your flaw and took advantage of it by planting flower seeds on your side of the path. Every day as we walked back from the stream, you watered those seeds, and for two years I have picked these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just what you are, he would not have had this beauty to grace his house."

love

Sun, 09 Dec 2007 07:01:03 PST

I must confess that I have problems with love. All my experiences with love are totally distorted. You know when you're a kid, and you're friends with someone and they say "if you ___ I'll be your best friend forever!!"? Well, its a joke, but in my past, its the truth. I've always had "these" experiences with love.

I went to a Christmas gathering with my group last night. There was a lot of talking, a lot of sharing of stories, mostly about embarassing moments, people falling, tripping, funny stories like that. And after I left, it made me realize something. Although I hardly have any embarassing moments, its like my life has been one because I've always had someone pointing and laughing at me no matter what I do. My dad used to do it. I remember one time being a kid, trying to say a word, I think it was electricity but I couldn't say it, after like 3 times I think I said power, and my dad laughed at me. Sure it was funny, but theres always been a "tone" behind it. And its made me incredibly self-conscious and somewhat prideful. I used to weigh a little over 300 pounds and I heard a comment from a kid only once, and I was already in process of getting gastric bypass.

It seems like a total copout in my mind but I know I have trouble loving because of these lopsided friendships. I always feel like I'm under a magnifying glass, I seem to attract people who see a tiny flaw and make it the size of a mountain. Last night I left the party thinking "why did I stay for an extra two HOURS to hear these ridiculous stories??!!" I think I had more fun on the way to the party, with the big fat clouds, about sunset time with the pink sky.. it was beautiful.. took a lot of pictures :)

So I don't know what friendship is, I'm struggling with the concept of love. But the good news is that we all students, and every day is a new opportunity. And there are plenty of ways to learn. Like the Word says, love is patient, love is kind.. but also this poem/teaching says..

LOVE

Be kind rather than be cruel
Get close rather than run away
See good rather than what is bad
Adore rather than deface
Be patient rather than give up
Be grateful rather than sad
Forgive rather than hold on to resentment
Let go rather than cling to things
Support rather than gossip
Be optimistic rather than be negative
Commit rather than put off
Help rather than wait
Understand rather than judge
Openness rather than prejudice
Willingness rather than stubbornness
Sympathize rather than reject
Warmth rather than coldness
See rather than ignore
Realize rather than fantasize
Praise rather than scold
Compassion rather than indifference
Laugh rather than be perfect
Cry rather than shut down
Give rather than receive
Do this unto others without expectation
knowing "that you love one another
as God has loved you.” John 13;34

"God is love...he that dwells in love dwells in God, and God in him”
1 John 4:16

people are people so why should it be...

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 22:51:12 PST

As I've said many times, I've encountered many different "types" of people in my life. Friends, acquaintences, co-workers... When I say type I dont mean age, color, etc but I mean characteristics; personalities, beliefs, actions. The person that they are inside.

I've been a very easy person in my life to be bullied, it is a huge part of my past. I've had so many friendships where I've felt bullied that I run away screaming when people don't bully me. (Well not literaly, but it is a scary situation for me).

The question that is perplexing me is how I put labels on types of people. For me nowdays, there are two types; believers and non believers. Over the past year, the belivers have been a huge influence in my life and have been essential in the healing I have recieved over the past year. They are God's love in action, and I am grateful for them.

My non-believer friends don't understand my walk with God, but they are supportive anyway. I know in the past I just wanted to convert everyone, but I know my life speaks more than words can ever express. I spent a few days with my non-believer friends, and it was a fun time. It was months ago and they still call reguarly to chat.

These two types of friends, its not a contest of who is better and "which side do I go on?" Because, after all, no matter what people believe, people are people and we are all free to believe what suits us. My non-believer friends don't try to change me and I don't try to change them.

Just like the media does with famous people, we, as people, tend to put people on a pedastol. Millionares=worthwhile, homeless=useless. (exaggerated of course). We by nature judge people by their who, what, when, where, and (mostly) ignoring the type of person they are.

We are warned of this many times in the Bible, (Matthew 7:15-15Beware of false prophets, who come to you dressed as sheep, but inside they are devouring wolves.)how someone on the outside looks to have it all together while falling apart inside, and the people that lives are falling apart on the outside actually have stability within themselves. Apperances mean nothing, what they do for a living is useless, where they live is so unimportant.. what is really important is a persons character.

I know I am guilty of this. I put my believer friends on a pedastol, and while I don't concider non-believers "nobodies", I put all the emphasis on them. As far as I'm concerned, they can do no wrong. And of course that thinking is wrong! How many religious "leaders" have been corrupt? How many non-believers have done works that could be works of God?

One teaching that has stuck by me is "take the labels off". Which has been very powerful for me in my life, since the people that "should love me"; actively don't. And strangers are nicer to me than others. But it should be that way for everyone. Labels are useless, its about our character and our heart.

We are all of value in this world, we all have our stories, our opinions, our strengths and weaknesses. And luckily, they are all different. Where I'm weak another is strong, and vice versa. We all have a purpose, and no one is better or worse than another. Just because my believer friends have the same beliefs as me, it doesn't make them better than me, and it doesn't mean we are really friends. Some people just clash for whatever reasons. The sooner I learn that and put that into practice... the better off ALL of my friends and I will be.

i believe

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 22:29:09 PST

I believe-

that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

that you can keep going long after you can't.

that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

accept one another

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 07:52:44 PST

I belong to a small group of women that get together and do God's work together. We've done all sorts of things, but the main thing that we do is that we have a big event for someone that people would label as "unworthy" because of what they do for a living. It is "wrong" in peoples eyes, because of what they are focusing on. They are not focusing on them as a human being.

We are a "controversial" group because of this, and we have receieved a lot of criticism and backlash, even from people within the church. They try to tell us that we shouldn't be doing this, even though our Pastors have said MANY times that these are the EXACT people we SHOULD be working for! Everyone, absolutely EVERYONE on Earth deserves the same love and respect, regardless of what the look like, what they talk about, what they do for a living, where they live, etc. EVERYONE is welcome to Jesus, so who are we putting ourselves on a pedastol, making decisions for Him who died for EVERYONE?

In the end, does it matter what people say, or is the message of the Gospel more important? As far as the people who are condeming us, I say to them, this is God's work, and God's work does NOT discriminate. God saved ME, and loved me at my very worst. I was not worthy in man's eyes but God deemed me worthy because of His infinite love for us, His desire for ALL of us to be with Him on this Earth and for eternity.

~~~~~~~~~

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God. (Romans 15:7 NIV)

Jesus loves us even at our worst, demonstrating “his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8 NIV)

He accepts us among his beloved children, despite our messy lives, impure motives, and irritating attitudes. (Ephesians 1:6) His acceptance of us doesn’t condone any sin, rather it recognizes we are God’s workmanship, each of us a uniquely shaped child of God created for a specific purpose. (Ephesians 2:10)

One of the ways we reflect God’s love is to accept each other just as Jesus accepts us. This brings glory to God. (Romans 5:7)

Jesus was not afraid to be friends with non-believers, looking past the sin in their lives to see who God created them to be. (Luke 19:7) He understood that accepting the person is not the same thing as accepting their sins. As the old saying goes, “Love the sinner, not the sin.”

Jesus was ridiculed for being a friend to sinners. He accepted prostitutes, lepers, publicans, and the poor. He believed the kingdom of heaven was available to any who would turn to him.

When Jesus called Matthew to be a disciple, the tax-collector got a bunch of his tax-collecting friends together for a large banquet with Jesus. (Luke 5:30) Jesus jolted the religious culture by hanging out with a group of people who were stereotyped as spiritually bankrupt.

Some religious leaders approached Jesus’ disciples to ask why their master was associating with people they judged should be outcast – people who should not be accepted. Jesus responded to their inquiry by saying, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.” (Luke 5:31 NIV)

Like a doctor accepts a patient, regardless of the disease, Jesus accepts – he loves – us in our present condition and, like a doctor, his intent is to heal us of our sin.

In the story of the prodigal, we find Jesus talking again about this counter-cultural acceptance. (Luke 15) The father in the story unconditionally accepted his son back into the family. He embraced his son, despite what he’d done and where he’d been. Isn’t that what we all want from Jesus? Isn’t that how we’re all greeted by him?

What now?

· No matter where you are, Jesus meets you there – Ask God to help you as you let this truth drench your being: You are accepted by God. Some of us find it hard to accept others because we reject ourselves. (Pray about the meaning of this statement and see what God reveals to you.)

· Jesus looks at you with the eyes of love – Jesus knows everything you’ve ever done, everything you’ve ever said, everything you’ve ever thought – or ever will do, say, and think – and yet he still loves and accepts you. That doesn’t mean he condones your sins, but it does mean that, in his acceptance of you, he forgives you of your sins and he’s actively working within you to transform you into someone who is holy and Christ-like.

· No matter where they are, Jesus meets them there – and so should we. Ask God to help you embrace this truth: Other people are accepted by God too, just as much as you are. Again, this does not mean God, or you, condones their sins; rather, you’re on a mission to lead them to the Great Physician, who will heal them of their sins.

· Jesus looks at them with the eyes of love – Jesus knows everything they’ve ever done, said, and thought, yet he still loves them. Jesus forgives them of their sins and he’s actively working bring them home to him. Will you join Jesus in his work?

what

Sun, 18 Nov 2007 22:08:59 PST

The most perplexing question for a human being to face; no its not 'do you want fries with that', but "what do you want to do with your life?"

I've never had a clue. I wasn't one of those lucky people who knew at a young age what I wanted to be when I "grow up". I'm still searching for the answer to that question, but one thing I know is "WHAT" is a wide variety of questions.

I've been stuck in a stormcloud for all of my life, a cloud filled with hopelessness, fear, anxities, worries, low self esteem, co-dependecy of unhealthy people, regret, and the list goes on and on. It saddnes me to say that I haven't let this cloud disappear despite the fact that I was saved a year ago. God has given me a LOT of healing in the past year, but as I think of my life, I'm still scratching my head.

I've heard a quote that roughly says "evil can be done by merely not doing good", and thats true. How many moments do we pass by every day that could benefit us or another person? Its harsh, but we're robbing ourselves, and others. The one phrase which is total bull is "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me". Uh, what? How about.... NO! Of course they hurt! To put these two sayings together, words will hurt, but its the words that we DON'T hear that can cause the most damage too.

I think the saddest thing in the world is for a child to grow up in a house with no encouragement. Of course I say that selfishly because that's what I experienced, but for a child not to be encouraged is robbing them of their future, it's robbing them of themselves. Sure the chat "you can be anything you want" is cheesy, but to NOT hear those words, especially from a parent is a missing piece of the heart.

I am in contact with a single father who has a young son. As soon as he comes home, he gets his orders. Do this, do that, do your homework, and I'm not saying he's a bad father, not at all. But who likes to be bossed around all the time? Is that a pleasant way to come home? "Oh good you're home.. now you can ____". Again, I've experienced this and know how hurtful and straight up annoying it is.

We are not defined by "WHAT" in life. What we do, what we don't do, what we wear, what we look like, what we weigh, etc. That is NOT who we are. And when I meet someone for the first time and they ask me "what do you do", in all honesty, it ticks me off. I know its just small talk, but whats the point of that question? What if I'm a laywer and you hate lawyers? What if we just lost a potential friendship?

Its a sad fact of my life that I am 31 years old and I am just now starting to have faith in my life. But I know time, the amount of time it takes to "get" or "do" something doesn't amount to jack squat. We "do" and "get" things when we are ready to. We're ready when we're ready, there's no forcing it. The bad news about life is that we are powerless over a lot of things; the good news is that we can learn from it and do something different next time.

If you're a parent, encourage your kid(s). If they want to do something that you don't like, tough. It's their life. If you're a friend, encourage your friend, even if they are making stupid decisions. It doesn't matter who someone is, they could seem like the most confident person in the world, but speaking as someone who fakes confidence, I assure you, they need encouragement too. You don't know what kind of impact that will have on someone, but it is ever lasting. I remember one time receiving encouragement from my Uncle, and I still smile inside when I think about it. You never know, it might be the first time they've heard it.

a simple question

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 06:09:51 PDT

Yikes, when things like these happen, it's a forehead-slapping reality check.

Yesterday I got together with my fellowship sisters from Church and we watched the Passion of the Christ.

Before I even walked in my friends door, I had a "duh" moment; I locked my keys in my truck. It's not the first time and I know it won't be the last! I told my friend and she offered to use a service from her cell phone to get the keys out.

After the movie she called, and something like an hour later the guy shows up. My friend tells me that he smells like he's been drinking; thanks to my cold, I take her word on it. It's about 8pm so its dark out and the guy is struggling because my truck is well, big, and he's having a hard time reaching the button to unlock the doors. My friend sees a shooting star and says "It's God showing off again". She isn't shy about talking about God, or asking other people about God (i'm getting there) so she asks him straight out if he believes in God, he says yes. She asks if he knows the Lord, he says yes. He tells us how he goes to a certain church and he's disgruntled towards them because of the "Christians" that go there.

Nothing about this is a coincedence, this is ALL God. He's been talking to me lately about being a blessing to others, to speak words of life to them like so many people have done for me. About getting bolder, talking about him, talking about myself. So cutting through.. he asks me how I got to know the Lord. And this is when another duh moment comes. I stutter, I think, uhh, hmm. What is my story? I can tell you the chain of events that happened that got me to Church; but as far as my testimony, its something I struggle with! It is a sad state that I am in.

Well despite that fact, it went well. My friend was able to do what I wasn't able to do (yet) and by the end we ended up praying for him and he left. I was supposed to give him money but I wussed out. But, God will do His work in him, even though I screwed up a few times, that doesn't mean it didn't have an impact on him. God knows when we are lost, when we are angry, sad, depressed.. and He will continue to send people to him so he knows how much he is loved. That's the great thing about God.. when people mess up (like me) He can still use it, and He will do everything to get us back on track.

bullies

Sat, 20 Oct 2007 22:09:35 PDT

Hate is a strong word, one that I really avoid using nowdays because it is such a strong emotion. But this is a topic that I despise, I absolutely hate. Bullies. People who have the "strong personality" that they use, belittle, degrate and just generally make peoples lives more difficult.

There's a lot of friends I've had over the years that have disguised themselves as bullies. It started when I was a kid. I was bullied a lot. I was an easy target, I'm quiet, I'm different, and I've never believed in myself enough to fight back to bullying. There was one certain kid (a guy) that I somehow always got stuck having a locker next to, and a lot of the time when I went to my locker he was there, he knew I was waiting and he'd take his sweet time. I know he did it on purpose. Or there was the time I was taking a CPR training class, I got paired up with a "popular" girl, and as we were leaving class I heard her say in a LOUD voice how annoyed she was to be paired up with someone like me.

Someone like me? What's wrong with me? What puts a big red target on the center of my forehead? What makes me so much fun to tease? To badger? To use? To throw aside? The answer is easy.. I thought I deserved it. It's what I'm used to, its the same treatment I got from my parents. It was always "do this and do that" without the validation of me as a person. No love, no support, just barking orders at me all the time and them actually wondering why I wasn't "doing much" with myself.

Today while out with a friend and a couple of kids, I was actually being bullied by a dang 10 year old. The kid never shuts up for five seconds, and he's constantly asking for things. He asked me today at least 15 times for me to get him something. No matter how many times I say no, he keeps asking. What the -----? So the kid has special goggles and he knows I'm easy prey. I say no but I don't mean no. I'll budge any minute because darnet, I just think everyone is so swell and I just want people to be happy.

In order to NOT be bullied, there has to be something inside, that *thing* inside that tells you who you are and you don't need to be pushed around by people. You don't need to always bend over backwards to make other people happy. Not caring about offending people and just being true to yourself. That *thing* gives you confidence, security and knowledge of yourself that if people START bullying you, something kicks in and says yanno what.. no. I'm stopping this right now and that's the end of it. My friend has that. It's a stern silence, with only a word or two needed for the bullying to end. And unfortunately, its nothing that can be taught. It's not like I can say "hey dude, give me lessons". But my friend did today, he didn't stop the annoying kid from pestering me. He let me get aggravated enough to get to the point where I gotta say it myself. And it did happen, not quite as Arnold as I'd like, but there was a moment where I put my foot down, and the kid left me alone. It's sad to be a 31 year old who gets bullied by 10 year olds, but thank God I'm finally learning.

I just finished watching the Benchwarmers, and this is my favorite kind of movie. Where the outcasts who get beat up constantly finally believe in themselves and fight back. I loved this movie because by the end, both "sides" were friends. And that's really the ultimate goal. I don't want to walk around like the Terminator saying "leave me alone!" with my eyes, I just want to be able to look at someone in the eye and say "look, you're doing this, it bugs me, so stop it or I don't want to be around you anymore." Point. Blank. Period. End of story. and end of rant.

faith

Fri, 19 Oct 2007 22:49:11 PDT

What is Faith? (Other than a cheesy 90s song and the name of a good/bad Vampire Slayer?)

What comes to my mind is the many times I'll be walking towards a room for a specfic goal or to get something out of the room and I'll forget mid-way what I'm doing. (And yeah, I'm 31 and been doing this for years). Sometimes, I'll slow down and think a moment what it was I was doing to remind myself and sometimes I just stop. The moments where I keep walking is the moments I know that I will remember again, as opposed to just shrugging my shoulders and doing something else. I keep walking in faith.

What is Faith? James 1:22-24 says: (NIV)

22Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.

Faith without works is dead. I could read the Bible all day long and have faith that it *somehow* applies to my life, but how will I know that unless it is put to the test?

I have faith that tomorrow morning the sun will rise, the birdies will chirp, I'll be sneezing my brains out like I have the past few days thanks to a nasty cold, and I have faith that God is taking care of everyone at all times. But tomorrow if I find myself somewhere out and about, and He tells me to do something "outrageous", something crazy, something out of my comfort zone, will I have faith that He will pull through?

If you were in line at a drive thru, already paid, pulling up to the window realizing you don't have any money, what if God said "dont worry, I'll take care of it", would you trust Him? Or speed off like you robbed the place?

The pastors at my church REALLY empahsize community work, doing little acts of kindness to show God's love. One of the ideas one had was to pay for the people in the drive-thru line behind you, give the worker the Church card, have them say "God wanted me to pay for your meal" or something similiar to be an active follower of God's word. Story after story after story has been shared time and time again about how much this small idea has spread the word about the Church, but more importantly about God.

Could you even imagine being in line one day, realizing you don't have any money, your kids are hungry, you're tired, and hearing that someone paid for your meal because God told them too? WHOA! That would blow my mind.

God stories are my favorite stories. I have one tonight.

I've been in a class at my Church for a few months now, and at the very end there's a retreat in southern california. I've known about it for a while, but didn't fill out the paperwork, and theres money involved. Something I don't have very much of. And I just figured ok, I just won't go, but God is showing Himself to me.

Today I get a call from a friend who asks if I'm going, I say no, i didn't do it on time, etc and she tells me there's sponsorship available. I say hmm I'll keep that in mind tonight. Tonight during the class, the teachers of the class ask if there's people who need a hotel room, and I half way raise my hand, knowing I haven't even registered or not. I didn't realize it, but a friend of mine a couple rows back had raised her hand, and went up to the front to talk about sharing a room. Long story short, I'm going to the retreat, free of enrollment, free hotel room, and I'll be bunking rooms with 2 other women I know from the Church. I raised my hand (half-way) in faith knowing God would deliver me something.. I was just expecting a discount, not free of charge.

Last month I was sitting in Church a couple days after my class where I had asked God about getting a job.. where do i go? While sitting IN church I get a job offer, where I am now. I had faith God had something in mind for me, I had no idea doing what or where, and it basically fell in my lap.

Instead of saying passively "oh you know, someday, I'll get ____", I said "I know God has the right job for me, and I'll have my eyes and ears open".

If you want to see God, ask Him.

If you want to know God, seek Him always. He loves folks who to Him like a friend and do what He tells us to do. This is what Faith is.

imperfect

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 14:17:33 PDT

I really don't know what I'm going to say here, but taking a leap of faith there's something just itchin' to be shared.

I was watching the Kathy Griffin show yesterday. Not something I ordinarily watch but my "queen of analyzing" was kicking in. Kathy Griffin has a bit of a um, potty mouth, and she prides herself on her ability to talk trash about people.. and she does a very good job of it. Anyway, in one episode her dad died.

What stuck out to me about this is before he died, he was in the hospital, and they were talking casually (on the phone) and the conversation included a lot of "i love you's". A part of me sighs inside when I see/hear things like that.

I've never, ever been able to be one of those people in my life that can love someone despite the way they act, what they do, what seemingly dumb choices they make in their lives. Never. I'm also very, very bad at expressing myself in a heartfelt way.. in person. Typing it is easy. Saying it is hard.

The people I've chose in the past to say I love you to have been.. lets just say.. not the best relationships. "underneath it all", they are wonderful people, but due to certain behaviors from them, from me, and me allowing certain behaviors, it is difficult for me to love.

A few years ago my biggest complaint about life is that I had no friends. And I didn't. I was so repulsively angry about my life that I had scared everyone off, and I truly didn't understand why I was alone. Here I am today, I've got a lot of people in my life now who have been nothing but supportive, caring, understanding and available.

I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. As i was watching Kathy Griffin, I realized I WAS her. Not the comedy part, and I'm also not saying that she's a bad person. I know I was her because I used to talk sooo much trash about people behind their backs, and the instant they came around I was miss nicey-nicey, meanwhile holding a grudge. Always looking for the career, struggling to do something that just isn't for me. Wanting to be the "top dog". Hurting people and enjoying it. When people that have hurt me from the past were going through trauma, I enjoyed it. I truly did not care about people, their feelings, their lives, nothing. My whole world was about ME and what *I* don't have.

This is usually the part where I'd say "but then I found Jesus!".. which IS true. But the part that is also true is that there are parts of the old me that are trying desperately to die, but I'm fighting it. I am not perfect, but the good news is that I don't expect anyone else to be perfect, and today, I accept people for who they are, where they are, despite their imperfections, their beliefs, their choices, etc.

I know theres a lot of Christians "out there" (and I'm not directing this towards anybody here) that seem to claim they are perfect, too busy pointing their fingers, accusing, telling non-believers they are going to hell, etc, but that's not me.

Which brings me to this poem-----

When I Say "I Am A Christian"...

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

value

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 07:41:27 PDT

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a
$20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,

"Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started
going up. He said, "I am going to give this
$20 to one of you, but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up. He then asked,
"Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he continued, "what if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground and
started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants
this $20?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20.

"Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground
into the dirt by the decisions we make and
the circumstances that come our way. We feel
as though we are worthless. But no matter
what has happened or what will happen,
you will neverlose your value: dirty or clean,
crumpled or finely creased, you are
still priceless to those who love you."
The worth of our lives comes not in what
we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

Do & Do Not

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 10:29:13 PDT

Do not undermine your worth by
Comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different
That each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what
Other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.

Do not take for granted the things
Closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would your life,
for without them, life is meaningless.

Do not let your life slip through your fingers
By living in the past nor for the future.

By living your life one day at a time,
You live all the days of your life.

Do not give up when you
Still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the
Moment you stop trying.
It is a fragile thread that
Binds us to each other.

Do not be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances
That we learn how to be brave.

Do not shut love out of your life by
Saying it is impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive
Love is to give love;
The fastest way to lose love
Is to hold it too tightly;
In addition, the best way to keep
Love is to give it wings.

Do not dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams
Is to be without hope;
To be without hope
Is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life
So fast that you forget
Not only where you have been,
But also where you are going.
Life is not a race,
But a journey to be savored
Each step of the way.

past fears

Sat, 22 Sep 2007 23:33:33 PDT

Fear is something that, like all of us, has been a huge part of me. We humans are 80% water, well, fear has been 80% of me too. I grew up in a.. not-so-normal family setting, and most of my fears were irrational; I don't mean that to say that if someone else has this fear that it makes THEM irrational or anything, but since so many fears have faded, I now look back and just think.. wow. Fear is power, and fear makes us power-less.

I have been such a fear based person that I honestly spent most of my 20s being isolated. I didn't leave the house much, and I didn't see the sun much either. I wouldn't be awake very long to see the sun. I had serious social anxiety, I was painfully shy, a total people-pleaser ("I will be whoever you want me to be, and I'll do whatever you want me to do). I've been afraid of being right, afraid of being wrong, afraid of trying, afraid of failure, afraid of sucess, afraid of speaking out, afraid of speaking up, but the most paralyzing most powerul fear is the fear of just living in a way that is just for me. Writing my own rules to life, instead of just being a sheep wandering from one herd to another, listening and believing whatever baa's are said.

I am the opposite of pretty much everyone in my family. Physcially I'm different because I have different DNA, but I'm different in every other way too. It has caused a lot of insecurity. I went to a predominately white school, and maybe that had nothing to do with it, but i was an outcast there too. I had looooong dark brown hair, I was painfully shy, and I was the kid nobody wanted to be caught dead talking to. I made my first friend in 6th grade.

One of the great things about life is nothing is permanet. Everything is always changing. The past few years I've undergone a lot of changing, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I had no belief if anything, my serious belief is that I'm a joke, I'm a failure, I'm nothing, I will ALWAYS be nothing, and that's just the way it is. that's the way it's always going to be. I wish I could say I'm the opposite now, but I'm in a transition. I haven't crossed the line to true optimism, but the changes in me are huge.

I wake up anywhere from 6 to 7:30a.m. every morning. I have virtually no problem speaking in front of a large group of people (as long as I know what I'm talking about!!) I don't get anxious, nervous, or "try" to do or be anything other than myself. If someone says or does something rude, I don't take it personal. My anxious confusion is gone. My questioning my very existance is gone. My strong desires to have "certain" people in my life and to have them love me the way I "want" them to is gone. I don't criticise myself for my pesky imperfections, for "letting people down". My anger about the past is virtually gone.

I'm of course human and as long as I have a pulse and a functioning brain, I will have fears and insecurities, but the thing that's changed is that it doesn't control ME. It doesn't run my life. I don't have a storybook life, but at age 31, i feel like i DO have a life, and i DO have a future. Something I've never, EVER had before.

And in closing I have to add, that *I* did not change me. Us humans are incapable of changing ourselves, trust me, I've tried. The change came from God, all I did was believe in Him and He did everything for me.

nobody really gets away with anything

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:48:19 PDT

A woman, a friend, I met about six-ish months ago, she is younger than me (mid-20s) and she has had a hard life with her struggles with her family and herself. I don't know the entire story but I know bits and pieces. We all have our own stories, not that hers is any better or mine is some walk in the park.

It is (unfortunately) true that time does not heal all wounds. Mostly, I've been completely heartbroken, and I just didn't know it. I've had a lot of heartbreaking moments in my life, as we all have, and I haven't been able to deal with it.

One day, the pain people have caused me, will come back to them. Maybe it's already happened. I don't have to do anything, it's a law of life. Just like I'll get what I've deserve when I get payback for the pain I've caused people in my life. Nobody escapes. Nobody can hide.

It's so true that resentments hurt nobody but ourselves. Like holding onto a hot potato, we're the only ones that get burned. They might or may not know the grudge we are holding against them, but really, what good does it do to them?

My life has never really been about my life, it was just "getting through" until the next disaster. But now, today, I choose different. I can't do a thing to change the past, all I can do is reflect on it, learn from it, and move on. Holding onto the hot potato is like running a race constantly looking back, it slows me down.